lampposts running along the center. The benches were familiar but I was sure the lampposts were a recent addition. The pier stretched out fifty yards or so, the planks thinning to lines.
When I reached the end of the pier I looked into the white water crashing against posts covered in green slime. Anyone passing would have seen a lone man, but there were three of us here. At least. Who could say how many souls had drowned off this pier?
Who could say how many more would follow?
I backtracked off the pier, found stairs leading down to the beach. Hunched against the cold wind, I following the knobby beams, canted this way and that, supporting the pier.
I stopped at the edge of the surf, watched a little white bird race in and out with the waves, plucking unseen things from under the wet sand.
There was no point in putting it off; every minute increased the chance that Grandpa would take over and wreck my plans. I pushed into the foamy white water. It was freezing.
“You want to play, old man? Let’s play.”
It was my body. I could do what I wanted with it.
A wave rolled in. I turned sideways and set my feet; it crashed into my thigh with numbing force. I surged on, my teeth chattering, exhaling in breathless puffs until I reached the end of the pier. The water was waist- deep.
I pulled out the chain and padlock, allowed the waves to sweep away the plastic bag.
The tug of the surf was so powerful I could barely keep my footing as I pressed my back to a post, fumbled with the chains, wrapping them around and around, lashing myself to the post, my hands throbbing, my toes numb.
“How do you like me now, you old bastard?” I shouted, my throat raw. It wouldn’t be murder. No one would blame me. I pulled the chain tight, pushed the padlock through two links and snapped it closed. Clutching the key I tested my work; I squatted, jumped, pulled, squeezed. The chains held right—there was no way he could break free.
I tossed the key into the water, watched it disappear with a tiny plunk.
It wasn’t a perfect plan. Someone might come along the beach and call the police. If I was still in control I would wave them off, tell them it was one of those charity things—that I had to stay chained to the post until my friends donated a thousand dollars for cerebral palsy research. I would tell them who I was. Hey, I’m sort of famous, I’m allowed to do crazy things.
For the first time, though, I was hoping Grandpa would take over sooner rather than later. The plan was for me to be long gone by the time the tide came in and this freezing water filled my lungs. Once Grandpa took over he’d call for help. Hopefully no one would hear him, or they wouldn’t be able to cut him loose in time. Then the three of us would blow away together, with me chuckling until my mouth was gone. If not, if he made it out, then bully for him, he would win another fifty years of life.
“Eighty-six years you had. You couldn’t let it go at that. You had to take my years, too.”
My phone rang. I fished it out of my jacket.
“Where are you?” It was Summer.
“The beach.” I left out the part about being waist-deep in the water, chained to a post.
“What beach? What are you doing at the beach?”
“Didn’t you get my message?”
“I saw you called, but I didn’t listen to the message. I can barely hear you.”
“I’m right near the water. I’m at the pier where Kayleigh died.” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “I’m going to stay here with her.”
There was a long pause. Then I thought I heard sniffing.
“In the phone message I invited you to join me if you ran out of time.”
Summer laughed spasmodically through her tears. “That’s very thoughtful of you.” I heard the blubbering of a nose being blown. “God damn it Finn, don’t quit yet. We still have time.”
“You do,” I said. “I’m out of time. I want to choose where I end up, you know?”
Another long pause. “I’m scared. I don’t want to be alone.”
“You’re not. Lean on Mick. He’ll stick by—”
The snakes ran under my skin; pain and cold receded. At the last instant it occurred to me that Grandpa could simply call 911 with the damned phone I was clutching. I strained to open my trembling hand.
The phone plopped into the water.
“You stupid son of a bitch,” Grandpa shouted a moment later. He threw one shoulder forward, then the other. “You must have slipped an extra key into your pocket when I wasn’t…” He fumbled through the pockets he could reach, although I had no idea how he thought I could sneak something into a pocket without him noticing. “Ah, God, you stupid asshole.”
I rotated toward the doorway in the back of my head one last time, and Grandpa’s ranting grew dim, then was snuffed out by the sound of the wind as my new home rolled into view. I hadn’t had to strain at all this time, as if Deadland was welcoming me with open arms.
I squeezed out of my body like I was greased, dropped into the surf, and stuck there. I’d half-expected the water to wash me toward shore; I’d forgotten how still this world was. The water was a still-life, the whitecaps sculptures made of cottage cheese.
I’d never felt so alone.
I’d have Grandpa for company soon, though. We’d have plenty of time to work through our differences. I was almost looking forward to it.
I rotated to face the horizon, which was beautiful in a stark, grey metal way. The sky flickered like an old- time film of a sky.
There was no sign of Kayleigh. Here and there in the shallows half-submerged dead were visible; a few lay on the beach like sleeping sunbathers. The wind carried snippets of their mutterings to me.
I held phantom hands in front of my face, looked closely, saw flecks of myself whisking off.
How long should I hold out hope that Summer might join me? A month, maybe? I would have to keep track of the days so I would know when to abandon hope. Were there days here?
The mindless words of the dead seemed to be all around me. I would start talking like that soon. It was part of the emptying out. All of the words came out of you. Everything came out of you.
I jolted from my stupor. I listened more intently, praying I hadn’t misheard, straining to hear one voice amidst dozens.
She wanted the red bike, didn’t want to get a girl color. It had to be her. My sister was here.
“Kayleigh?” No answer.
Anxiously I studied each of the dead in turn. None was Kayleigh, unless she was one of the unrecognizable lumps.
I was locked in on her voice now; the rest had receded into the background.
Too high. Yes, it was. I looked up at the underside of the pier, at the worn beams high overhead. She shouldn’t have tried it. I shouldn’t have either.
“Kayleigh? It’s Finn. It’s your brother.” She was close, I could feel it. I looked all around, leaned forward to peer up beyond the railing. Nothing.
Maybe she was under the water? It didn’t seem possible I would hear her so clearly if she was underwater,
