The American Way of Death Revisited

Funeral planning and memorial societies generated public pressure that resulted in the 1984 Funeral Rule. But once members were convinced that consumers had what they needed, social activism waned. Only a few of the societies continued to conduct annual price surveys of area mortuaries. Many had negotiated discounts for members with cooperating establishments; as a cooperative buyer’s club they had been very successful, and their memberships grew without fanfare. Smaller societies, staffed by volunteers, were still struggling; others went out of existence altogether.

John Blake, who lived in Egg Harbor, Wisconsin, knew nothing about memorial societies in 1986. That year, when his mother died in Bremerton, Washington, Blake flew out to arrange for her cremation. “The funeral director was going to burn a $150 box,” Blake said. “My mother won’t get into that,” he told the funeral director with a chuckle. “She was a very frugal woman.” So Blake and his son-in-law and two grandchildren built “a nice little box” with $20 worth of lumber. Only after her death did they discover that she had been a member of the People’s Memorial Association. Had they known, the cost would have been even less.

Blake soon became involved in the Wisconsin societies. But the personal satisfaction of family participation remained a strong force in his life. When Lisa Carlson’s Caring for Your Own Dead was published the next year, he felt that disseminating it through the societies was a matter of importance. It was on his urging that Carlson became involved in the society movement.

A new option had become available—handling all funeral arrangements without an undertaker, as had been the custom a century ago. The first edition of Caring for Your Own Dead sold 10,000 copies.

Karen Leonard—seduced into casket sales for the “fun” of it—soon found herself the director of the Redwood Funeral Society in Northern California. Taking a page from the funeral industry’s own indispensable Grief Therapy mantra, she perceived the therapeutic benefits of caring for one’s own dead. Jerri Lyons and others, with Leonard’s support, started the Natural Death Care Project in 1996. They assisted families in handling nearly fifty deaths the very first year. Members from their group expect to establish similar projects in other states.

The option of caring for your own dead, if it takes hold, will mark a break with the trend towards ever-more- costly and -mechanically impersonal journeys to the grave. Which direction will the American public choose? On the one hand, there can be a return to funerals in the true American tradition, where friends and family do everything necessary without the intervention of so-called professionals; or, on the other, a further abdication of personal responsibility, where we accept the best and most costly merchandise the trade has to offer, not excluding absurdities such as Batesville’s Burping Casket.[26]

On the East Coast, after months of persistence by Byron Blanchard of the Boston-based Memorial Society, the Public Health Department conceded, in the summer of 1996, that consumers had a legal right to care for their own dead. A regulation promulgated by the Funeral Board—requiring a funeral director to obtain the disposition permit—had been declared illegal in 1909 but had nonetheless remained on the books.

FAMSA has taken on the daunting task of monitoring funeral laws countrywide. Aware that not everyone will opt to handle all funeral arrangements without a mortician, they stand ready to assume the cause of the consumer’s right to choose meaningful and affordable funerals. At Carlson’s prodding, societies are doing more price surveys and checking for FTC compliance. The FAMSA office serves as a clearinghouse for consumer complaints and maintains a Web site with a wide range of funeral information: www.funerals.org/famsa.

That spirit of social activism has attracted new resources. Lamar Hankins, a Texas lawyer with a history of contributing pro bono time to social issues, is typical. He is working to build an endowment for a legal fund to assist consumers—those with few other options, or residents of states where issues have national implications. Individual societies—many of which had been somnolent for the last decade—are responding with enthusiasm to the renewed spirit of activism, and new societies are emerging.

By 1997—with more and more commercial cremation businesses calling themselves “Societies”—the nonprofit societies felt they were undergoing an identity crisis. The “Ohio Cremation and Memorial Society,” for example, was attracting customers who thought it represented the well-respected nonprofit consumer group. As a result, FAMSA is encouraging member societies to change their names to “Funeral Consumer Information Society of———.”

The name change also reflects a broader base of interest. Those who join are not just those choosing immediate burial or cremation with a memorial service; even those planning a funeral with the casket present are avoiding funeral excess by seeking society help. Larry Burkett, founder of Christian Financial Concepts, admonishes his following to live without debt; that includes funeral debt. On a weekly show syndicated to more than six hundred stations, Burkett—a member of the Atlanta, Georgia, society—has commended the societies. After a half-hour interview with Carlson in January 1997, the FAMSA phones were flooded with inquiries about how to contact a local society.

Men and women who support legislative changes and see the need for an ongoing watch of the funeral industry will want to get involved in society activities. For those seeking alternatives to a costly funeral, a onetime lifetime membership in one of the nonprofit societies will offer up-to-date local price information.

What is to be done if at the time of crisis you are unable to reach a memorial or funeral society? Send a friend to two or more mortuaries to obtain their general price lists and casket prices. Ask for the cost of direct cremation, including transportation costs and crematory fees. Likewise, for the cost of immediate burial. Pay no money in advance. If death has not yet occurred and you wish to pay in installments, do so by setting up a Totten Trust, naming yourself or a relative or close friend as beneficiary. Remember, above all, that many funeral homes have a “no-walk” policy, which means simply that if and when you start to walk out, the price will come down, down, down until a level acceptable to you is reached.

Directory of Not-for-Profit Funeral and Memorial Societies

Memorial and funeral planning societies do area price surveys and may have negotiated a discount for members. Request a brochure for affordable funeral options. Most societies are run by volunteers. Consequently, the phone numbers in this directory may change from time to time. If you have difficulty contacting a society, you may call the FAMSA office at 1-800-765-0107. If there is no society nearby, you may join Friends of FAMSA and receive benefits until a new society is launched.

In the United States

Alabama

Call the FAMSA office

Alaska

Anchorage Cook Inlet Memorial 907-566-3732

P.O. Box 102414, 99510

Arizona

Phoenix Valley Memorial Society 602-929-9659

P.O. Box 0423, Chandler, 85244-0423

Prescott Memorial Society of Prescott 520-778-3000

P.O. Box 1090, 86302-1090

Tucson Memorial Society of Southern Arizona 520-721-0230

P.O. Box 12661, 85732-2661

Arkansas

Fayetteville NW Arkansas Memorial Society 501-443-1404

P.O. Box 3055, 72702-3055

California

Arcata Humboldt Funeral Society 707-822-8599

P.O. Box 856, 95518

Bakersfield Kern Memorial Society 805-854-5689

P.O. Box 1202, 93302-1202

Berkeley Bay Area Funeral Society 805-366-7266