acknowledge as the most important thing in the world to me. A true partner. A lover. A soul mate.
“No longer. Tonight, I tell you all the truth.”
Tony paused. For a moment, he looked lost. The room was so quiet you could have heard a pubic hair drop.
“Could you…” Tony paused for a moment and looked up, toward where I imagined the control booth was. “Do you think you could turn up the house lights a little?”
Whoever was controlling the A/V equipment complied. He slightly increased the ambient lighting.
“Rafi?” Tony asked, squinting against the spotlight. “Could you come up here?”
Rafi? What was he doing there?
The audience burst into laughter and applause as the exuberant five-year-old, looking all kinds of adorable with his curly hair and rented tux, ran to the stage. Tony knelt and held out his arms. He scooped up his boy and held him tightly.
“You remember what we talked about before tonight? About how this was going to go down?”
Rafi nodded enthusiastically. “I do, Dad!”
His pip-squeaked reply brought more laughs and cheers.
I doubt P.T. Barnum could have planned this better.
“You okay with it, buddy? Because if not, you don’t have to do it.”
“I am!”
“You sure?”
“I want you to do it, Daddy! And just like you told me, I brought the-”
Tony clasped his hand over Rafi’s mouth. “Not yet, Rafster. Let’s leave something as a surprise, okay?”
Mouth covered, Rafi opened his eyes wider in an attempt to communicate. He nodded eagerly. This elicited several “oohs” and “ahhs” from the crowd.
“All right, then,” Tony said. “It’s time I showed some of the courage I’ve brought to this job in my personal life.” He put his open hand over his eyes as if scanning the back of the room. “Payne, O’Brien, I hope you guys came through for me… Kevin, are you there?”
The crowd suddenly fell silent. The good-natured tittering Rafi’s antics elicited stopped dead.
Kevin? What kind of girl was named Kevin?
All eyes turned to the back of the room where Tony seemed to peer.
My mouth felt full of cotton. I tried to speak but nothing came out.
“Damn, boy,” Payne nudged. “Haven’t you been waiting for this? Answer your man!”
I tried again.
There was no air.
“Well, at least get your ass up there!” Payne commanded.
Tried that, too.
Someone had bolted my legs to the ground.
O’Brien let out an exasperated sigh.
“We’re on our way!” he called.
O’Brien wasn’t subtle. He pushed me forward like a man being thrown in front of a firing squad. Forward momentum kept me moving toward the stage. I found myself standing next to Tony with no memory of how I’d gotten there. I looked at the crowd, but the overwhelming glare of the spotlight prevented me from making out any detail.
So, I turned to Tony, who still held Rafi in his arms. They looked like the two most self-satisfied men in the world.
“Tony,” I whispered, “you don’t have to do this. This is supposed to be your night to-”
Tony shut me up with a finger on my lips. “Shut up,” he whispered back. “I’ve been a jerk. And a coward. But no longer.”
Tony turned back to the crowd. “As an officer and a detective, I’ve always been responsible for holding up the law. Tonight, I’m going to continue that tradition. But not by arresting someone. Instead, I’m going to exercise my right to a recently enacted statute, one that I couldn’t imagine even existing when I first joined the academy.
“Bill number A08354, signed into law by Governor Andrew Cuomo in June 2011. Otherwise, known as the Marriage Equality Act.”
Tony took my hand and led me to the side of the podium, where the audience could see as he put Rafi gently on the ground and then lowered himself to one knee in front of me.
“Now,” Tony said to his son, “you can give me what I asked you to hold for me.”
With great ceremony, Rafi reached into his tuxedo jacket and retrieved a small velvet box that he handed to his dad. Tony flipped it open to reveal a simple, but gleaming, gold band studded with diamonds.
“Kevin,” he said, looking at me with the purest love I’d ever seen, “there’s so much I want to say to you. But”-he looked at the crowd hanging on his every word-“maybe we’ll save that for later.” He winked playfully.
The audience tittered again. They seemed to be recovering from their initial shock and were back on Tony’s side.
I followed Tony’s gaze to the crowd. There I saw the table closest to the stage, where Tony’s mother sat beaming, as if she were truly happy to witness this. Somehow, he’d won her over. My mother and father were there, too, as were, God help us all, Freddy and Cody. How Tony managed all this I’d never know. My mother leaked elegant tears while Freddy sobbed dramatically, clutching Cody for support. What a drama queen.
Then I looked at Tony again. I thought he was… shimmering.. until I realized I was seeing his spotlit form through the filter of my tears.
I’d wept a lot over the past few weeks, but couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried from happiness.
“Anyway…” Tony continued, his voice suddenly choked up and breaking with emotion, “I have so much I want to tell you. But I don’t know if I can find the words. Because it all boils down to this. Something I should have asked you a long time ago.”
He removed the ring and held it out to me.
“Kevin Conner,” he said, the next four words ones I’ve longed to hear more than I ever imagined, “will you marry me?”
I fell to my knees beside him. “Yes,” I said, although I realized no sound came out. I tried again.
“Yes.” My voice was a ghost, blocked by years of waiting and hoping and dreams.
“Yes. Yes, yes, yes!”
I grabbed the ring from him and slid it on my finger before he had a chance to change his mind. It fit perfectly. When and how long had he been planning this?
Maybe he forgot where we were. Maybe he didn’t care. All I know is in an instant Tony’s lips were on my mine and I never felt more connected.
Rafi threw his arms around us both.
“I love you, Daddy Kebbin!” he cried.
In the background, as if they were a million miles away, I heard the crowd roar. Maybe there were a few disapprovers who sat this one out, but when I turned my head slightly to look, most of the room was on its feet, cheering, crying, applauding our love.
I felt like Sally Field in Norma Rae. All I needed was a handwritten sign with union scrawled on it.
Then, I forced myself to stop thinking in pop culture terms and face the real world.
Tony. This man, this good man, whom I would now share a life with.
Rafi, too. A child who, I swore then and there, would never wind up a Lost Boy.
This was my family. This was my life.
Against the odds, I’d found them.
I’d never be lost again.
If I had it my way, none of us would be.
And, much to my surprise, I had better luck having it my way than I’d ever have imagined.
