entirely for herself, though the far larger part was ashamed that she could even contemplate such a profound betrayal of her sister.
She was far from the first to face such a dilemma, of course. An extraordinary number of people, after all, went their entire lives without ever for one moment suspecting they weren’t the biological child of the man and woman they’d always taken it for granted were their parents.
Titch had known about her gambling. That had been a surprise. Apparently everyone had known. He’d thought that maybe it was why she was so reluctant to come back, and so he’d assured her that it wouldn’t be a problem; she could join some group, get the best counselling money could buy. She’d laughed again and assured him that gambling wasn’t a problem, that she hadn’t even thought of it in weeks. And it was true.
Something cramped in her stomach. She placed her palm flat upon it. The days since her last period kept ticking by, and still nothing. And she’d felt distinctly nauseous this morning. Not sick, exactly, but certainly queasy. There was an unopened test kit in Emilia’s cabin, but it was still way too soon, she couldn’t risk losing her hope just yet. Sometimes the possibility so overwhelmed her, she had to do something to distract herself until it went away.
There was one final thing that Titch had failed to grasp, however many times she’d tried to explain it. It was this: even if she did go back, she wouldn’t be any use to him. She’d succeeded on television because the fire of evangelism had blazed within her. She’d been so certain that she knew the truth about how life worked that she’d needed to convince the world of the rightness of her vision. But the fire inside her had since gone out. It had gone out during her search for Adam and Emilia, when she’d come to realise how magnificently more complex the world was than her perception of it. And, worse, she was glad of this.
It had happened barely two hours after she’d consigned Daniel to the deeps. She and Pierre together had carried Emilia from the boat back to the lodge. Pierre had tried his best to console her, to tell her that she’d done nothing wrong, that she had to be strong for when the police came to talk to her, as they surely would, and ask what had happened to the missing Englishman. For all their sakes, she mustn’t implicate herself. What good would confession do now?
She’d known he was right, but it had been unbearable all the same, to pretend that Daniel hadn’t existed, that his life had meant nothing, that she’d have no penalty to pay. It had been too much for her; she’d run out of the lodge, out of Eden, down the track to the beach, using the heaviness of the sand to exhaust herself, make herself too weary to grieve. But then she’d glimpsed something far out in the lagoon, and yes, it had been a man swimming with long, measured strokes towards the shore, a black-and-yellow pack upon his back; and something had crumpled inside her as she’d realised that Daniel hadn’t let go of her ankle so that she might live. No. He’d let go of her to get at the re-breather and the small tank of oxygen in the dive-bag she’d tied to his ankle.
She made her way between the last of the spiny trees on to the soft white sand. The Yvette was already through the pass; she’d be back at her mooring within a couple more minutes. Daniel had been out to check the wrecksite was still secure, in preparation for the return of Miles and his other former MGS colleagues. Now that they’d secured new funds from the Chinese government and other investors, and had bought off Ricky and his triad friends, they were hoping to get in several weeks of salvage before the weather turned. He glanced shorewards, saw her, stood and waved. She waved back. He reached the mooring buoy, leapt down into the water to secure the Yvette to it. She couldn’t wait any longer, she splashed out to meet him, soaking her trousers. Michel sensed his father, he grew fractious. Rebecca passed him across and instantly he soothed.
‘Your friend left yet?’ asked Daniel.
‘Yes.’
‘About bloody time.’
He had grains of sand on his cheek. Rebecca brushed them away with her thumb. ‘How was it?’ she asked.
‘Too rough,’ he told her. ‘I’ll go back again this afternoon.’
‘Therese has promised to look after Michel. I’ll come out with you, if you like.’
His glad smile made her heart lift. ‘Great,’ he said. He put his free arm around her, his hand upon her buttock. ‘But perhaps I’d best check on the life-jackets first, eh?’
