when that’s precisely what the mind requires, and I think, my friend, that for you this is one of those times.”
“You enjoyed
“Immensely.” He leaned close and spoke in a low voice. “But I’ll never admit that to anyone but you.”
“There’s hope for you yet, Robert.”
He squeezed my hand.
The crossing to Calais was stormy, but the churning water had little effect on me. I was too lost in my thoughts and worries to take notice of anything short of a biblical gale. When we reached France, it was raining, a cold winter rain that with very little encouragement would turn to sleet. I stepped carefully down the ferry’s gangplank, grateful for Robert’s steady arm, Margaret and Jeremy walking in front of us. We were standing on the dock, prepared to head for the train that would take us to Vienna, when I saw him.
He was walking with purpose towards the ferry, carrying a satchel, a book tucked under his arm. All of it clattered to the wet ground when he looked up to see me running towards him.
“Colin!” I threw my arms around him, nearly knocking him over. His embrace engulfed me, and he kissed every inch of my face before pulling back to look at me. “You’re hurt,” I said, gently touching a ragged gash next to his eyebrow.
“Kristiana is dead.”
Chapter 28
“I’m so sorry.”
I seemed unable to stop repeating the words. We had all gone straight back onto the ferry and were on our way to England, Margaret, Jeremy, and Robert leaving Colin and me alone in my cabin.
“I am too,” he said, his voice low and husky.
“Was it Harrison?”
“Yes. She had persuaded Kaufman—one of Schröder’s associates—to talk to her. When she went to meet him, Harrison was there instead.” He ran a hand through his hair. “The most awful part is that I already knew the details of their plans. She needn’t have met him at all. She didn’t know.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said, pulling his head onto my shoulder.
“When I left Vienna before New Year’s, it was to divert the shipment of explosives that was going to Schröder. His plan was to set off a series of bombs while the emperor and the kaiser were attending a performance of the court boys’ choir. I learned the details from the explosive carriers.”
“How?” I asked.
“When I realized I could infiltrate the group, I decided not to return to Vienna. The town we were in was remote. I couldn’t wire her.”
“Colin—”
“I hadn’t planned to be there so long, but it became clear that if I stayed, I’d have the opportunity not only to uncover the plot, but to sabotage the explosives.”
“And did you?”
“Yes, not that it mattered in the end. We were able to stop them before they planted the bombs. But I always like to take deeper measures of prevention when I can—a double layer of subterfuge, if you will. If I hadn’t this time, though—”
“You can’t think that way,” I said.
“No, I can’t.” His expression was imperturbable, marked by the calm that I’d seen every time he faced difficult circumstances. “She went to my rooms and took the letter and the wires you sent me. Karl found them in her room and gave them to me, afterwards. If she’d only opened the letter, she would have seen that you already knew the plot.”
“I should have told you everything as soon as I learned it. I—I—was so scared. Scared that if I did, you’d take dramatic measures to stop Harrison, and that Schröder would kill you.”
“You must learn to trust my instincts when it comes to things like this,” he said. “But I’m glad you left the letter for me detailing Schröder’s plans.”
“If I’d shared what I knew earlier, Kristiana wouldn’t have died.”
“You just told me not to think that way. It’s time to take your own advice.” He touched my lips. “You did a marvelous job for Robert.”
“And you did a marvelous job saving the world.”
“A bit dramatic,” he said.
“Maybe.” I kissed him on each cheek. “Or not.”
“Harrison had arranged it to look as if the British government was involved in the attack. We prevented something that could well have instigated a war. But there’s something tugging at me. There was a small measure of truth in what Harrison believed: if we went to war with Germany today, there’s no question that we’d be victorious.”
“But there’ll be no war,” I said.
“Not now, but what if it comes later? What if it is inevitable? He’s right about the kaiser wanting to strengthen his navy.”
“Which doesn’t mean that he’s bent on fighting with Britain.”
“Of course not. But if he does, and he builds an army and navy that could threaten ours, it could mean the deaths of tens of thousands of our men. I’ve stopped an attack on innocent victims, but in doing so, have I left the door open for even more death in the future?”
“No, no,” I said. “The kaiser is the queen’s grandson. He’d never go to war with England.”
“I’m afraid the era of gentlemen’s diplomacy may be coming to an end, Emily, and I wonder what it will mean for us. For our world.” He gave a weak, closed-lip smile. “But let’s talk no more of that. I’m concerned about you. You’ve faced horrors in these past weeks.”
I met his gaze but did not speak. He pressed his hands to my face, his skin cool against my cheeks.
“I don’t know which is worse,” he said. “The terror you feel the first time you witness such things, or the numbness that comes after it starts to become ordinary.”
“I can’t imagine any of this becoming ordinary.”
“Do you want to stop?”
“I didn’t realize I was starting.”
“You’ve proven your investigative abilities to me repeatedly, Emily. I think I may be able to use you as a partner, not just a wife.”
“For your work?”
“Yes.”
“Will the queen approve?” I asked, at once shocked and delighted and full of more than a little pride.
“I find that I care about her opinion less and less.” He leaned forward and kissed me, his lips soft and light.
“How much less?” I asked, returning his kiss. “Enough to have the ship’s captain marry us?”
Laughter stopped his kisses. “Brandon’s right. You do read too many sensational novels. No, not that much.”
“A great loss for both of us,” I said.
Our return to England should have been filled with unchecked exultation—and it was for Ivy and Robert, Margaret and Cécile. But Colin and I could not fully give ourselves over to celebration until we’d washed away the memory of death, something that would only come after months had passed. Of all my friends, Cécile understood this best, coming to me at night, when dreams brought me to tears.
This is not to say, however, that we were consumed with melancholy. London was quiet, nearly everyone still in the country, and we felt as if we had the best parts of the city to ourselves. Lord Salisbury called for Robert, and by the end of the meeting, it was decided that his political fortunes, while not perhaps as stellar as they’d once
