would like a neck massage and she agreed. I started massaging her neck, shoulders and down to her waist, which she really enjoyed. All this took some time. By then I was starting to get an erection but although her lags lay across my penis, I was unsure if she felt this or not.
As I was rubbing her upper abdomen, I asked if she would like me to go any lower, but she said “NO” and a few minutes later said it was about time she went to bed, leaving me with an erection to deal with in the normal way. I was never sure if I just misread the sign's, or if she was interested but I took too long to get to the point and by then it was too late.
About this time I got involved in a group of young men but soon realized they were into homosexual activities. I found myself on the receiving end of advances that I found very unpleasant. I was close to being raped on one occasion but I managed to avoid that by the “skin of my teeth.”
On another occasion another teenager and I indulged in some mutual masturbation but after two or three times I resisted, as I did not really enjoy it.
I also came to the attention of a couple of old men in town who used tricks to lure teenage boys to their home to molest them. I managed to extricate myself from these situations but I really think it was these events that made me realize the dangers and possible trauma to the girls of what I was doing.
Up to that stage I had justified it by saying to myself that they were always willing partners and seemed to enjoy the experience so there was nothing wrong with what I was doing and they were never hurt. About this time I resolved never to “do it” again.
Terence Fitzbancroft
Memoir of a Young Gentleman Pervert
Summer's End
Toward the end of summer that year, my trips to the river were nearing an end, when I came across a couple with three small children sunbathing in the nude. As I was nude also, we started talking and this finished up with us meeting at the same spot each weekend. They explained that they were members of a private nudist group and had just found this location.
Soon our numbers swelled up to twenty at a time as other members joined us. I thoroughly enjoyed this and the opportunities to view girl's genitals in complete safety that it presented. Autumn arrived and the river was no longer an option so we sometimes organized afternoons and evenings at member's houses.
Sometimes dressed, and sometimes nude.
These were perfectly innocent, just social functions. I found this was a way to relieve my voyeuristic and exhibitionistic tendencies, and very frequent masturbation cured the urges. I later officially joined the naturist movement and spent quite a number of happy years as a member, able to enjoy the sight of naked girls and woman without any risk. Within a few years the naturist group had formed a full club with their own private grounds.
I was quite content over this period and I also started meeting the odd girl and going to dances. Strangely, when you consider my sexual activities with young girl's, when it came too teenage women I never attempted anything. I suspect that I felt I had more control with young girls, and I was more than a bit intimidated by older ones.
I watched with some jealousy as some of my friends who were much more mature than I, pick up girls from these dances and go off to their cars for a short period, knowing full well what they were doing, but never attempting to do it myself.
In fact it was the possibly of getting girls pregnant that was a major detraction.
Time passed and I was still a virgin, but eventually at the age of 26 I met the girl who was later to become my wife.
We married when I was 28 and she was 21.
Terence Fitzbancroft
Memoir of a Young Gentleman Pervert
Afterword
I must emphasize that Ineverforced any girl to participate. I may have asked, persuaded, entreated, cajoled or bribed etc but in the end they were willing participants or not at all. If, after my best efforts, they were not interested, I never forced them. I did know of boys who did and some of my school friends would brag how they had screwed this girl or that. Frankly, for me, my main aim had been for them to enjoy the experience so I could do it again. If they enjoyed what I did, they would continue, and I could repeat the experience for weeks or months, where as forcing them would certainly not achieve this. Also I was well aware that if I upset them, they would tell their parents and this was to be avoided at all costs.
It is over 50 years since the start of the described events and at the present day.
My sexual interest: no change. I am a husband and father and believe it our not; I have been completely faithful and we eventually had two healthy children both of who are fully-grown and leading productive lives of their own. Of course I have fantasies and where necessary, I relieve the urges with Masturbation and some pornography but my wife has no knowledge of this.
On voyeurism: no change. I still get a real kick from unexpected glimpses of female genitals, panties etc but that is as far as it goes or ever will.
On exhibitionism: More or less gone. Being nude in the right situation such as free beaches is now quite enough.
On pedophilia: Once I passed the teenage years, I do not, nor have ever touched any under-age girls. I suspect that it is like being an alcoholic, you are never really cured but you are fine provided you are aware that you have a problem. I still enjoy the sight of young naked girls in controlled situations but that is as far as it will ever go. I realize what I was doing was wrong and can now accept what I did, so will never allow myself to be in a situation where I could loose control.
So ends my sexual history.
