Julia Spencer-Fleming

One Was a Soldier

The seventh book in the Reverend Clare Fergusson series, 2009

To the woman left holding the flag.

“Mother whose heart hung humble as a button

On the bright splendid shroud of your son,

Do not weep.

War is kind.”

– Stephen Crane


Thanks to my husband, Ross Hugo-Vidal, and to my children, Victoria, Spencer, and Virginia Hugo-Vidal. Without their love, support, and willingness to eat a lot of spaghetti-and-canned-sauce dinners, I couldn’t be a writer.

Thanks to everyone at St. Martin’s Press/Minotaur Books, especially Pete Wolverton and Katie Gilligan. Their keen editorial insight and well-thought-out suggestions (and suggestions, and another round of suggestions!) shaped this book.

I would not be published by Minotaur if the legendary Ruth Cavin hadn’t picked my maiden manuscript out of a pile of contest submissions. She was a teacher, a drinking partner, a creative lifeline, sometimes a bit of a noodge when I was running behind, and always a pleasure to work with. She died before this book came to print, but her influence lives on in my work, and in the work of every writer who was fortunate enough to call her “my editor.”

I talked with a number of veterans and service members while writing this book. Particularly, CH (LTC) Linda Leibhart, USA Reserve, planted the seeds for this story during a long conversation in a bar in Bath, New York. Senior Chief Hayley (Zeller) Hutchin, USN, generously shared her many experiences of deployment and coming home. As ever, LTC Les Smith (Ret.) and Timothy LaMar, late of the 101st Air Mobile, inspired me. I know none of you likes to hear, “Thanks for your service,” so I will simply say: Thank you.


– The Apostles’ Creed, The Book of Common Prayer


Sarah Dowling’s first thought, peering through the wire-reinforced glass of the community center’s door, was that they were an odd group. Usually returned vets had a lot to talk about with one another, even if they were embarrassed to be seen in counseling. She would have thought that in a tiny town like Millers Kill-she couldn’t help it, she still saw the place as a cross between a Thomas Kinkade painting and Bedford Falls-they’d be even easier together, but none of these soldiers were speaking to each other.

The two men unracking metal chairs could have been father and son; both middling height, in khakis and button-downs, both with regulation crew cuts-the fifty-something graying, the thirty-something dark brown. The younger man kept glancing sideways at the older as if looking for clues on how to behave. He didn’t pay attention to the young woman opening the chairs in a ragged circle, watching him. She was maybe midtwenties but dressed like a teen, with a little muffin top squeezed between low-rider jeans and a mini-tee. Sarah would have to include her no-romantic-relationships spiel in tonight’s session.

The other woman in the group was a decade or more older than the little cutie, wearing unrelieved black that almost hid her taut physique. As Sarah watched, she stirred spoon after spoon of sugar into coffee poured from the community hall’s industrial-sized coffeemaker. The last participant-Sarah frowned. A young man, maybe still a teenager. His hair had grown out, indicating he’d been out of the service for several months, at least. Well, she could have guessed that even if he had still been wearing it shaved to the skin. They didn’t let double amputees out of Walter Reed until at least four months after admission. His presence here worried her. If he was having post- amputation issues, he ought to be seeing a psychologist at the VA Hospital, not hanging around an LCT’s group.

She checked her watch, then gathered up her stack of handouts. Time to get the road on the show. She opened the office door and strode into the meeting room, the soles of her shoes squeaking on the polished wooden floor. Beyond the closed door, she could hear the faint thump and holler of the basketball game going on in the gym. On the far wall, construction-paper letters spelling out HELLO SEPTEMBER were taped over bright cutouts of apples and school buses. A preschool met here mornings. She thought of the stiflingly tasteful tenth-story office she had left behind in Silver Spring. Free at last, free at last .

“Hello, everyone.” She gestured toward the chairs. “Why don’t we get started? If we have any latecomers, they can join us in progress.” She smiled and took her own advice, selecting the twelve o’clock position in the circle. The woman in black pulled two chairs out of the way to make room for the teen in the wheelchair. The rest of the gang of five followed suit, scraping and clunking the cheap chairs until they were all roughly equidistant from one another, and twice as far from her.

“I’m Sarah Dowling,” she began. “I’m a licensed clinical therapist. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term, that means I’ve been trained in psychology and in facilitating therapy, but I am not allowed to diagnose or to prescribe medications.” She stood up and handed the first stack of papers to the graying man seated to her left. “Take one and pass it along.” She resumed her seat. “I’ve just recently relocated here from the Washington, D.C., area, so this is my first group in New York State. However, I’ve been doing veterans’ counseling and running the on-base family mental health program for the past four years at Fort Meade.”

The older man nodded in approval. Officer, she thought.

“Just to make sure we’re all on the same page, this is not a Veterans Affairs program, although it does receive funding from VA, as well as from New York State and the National Institute of Mental Health.” She leaned forward. “Participating in our group will not affect your VA benefits or treatment, nor will it be in any official record.” For those in the group who would be continuing on in the service, that was often critical. Seeking out therapy was still viewed in many quarters of the military as suspect. Talking about feelings was not a high priority for the average CO.

“I apologize for scheduling the first session on Labor Day, but the community center gave me this time slot, and I didn’t want to lose it.” She smiled at them. “I was afraid I’d be the only person here, so believe me when I

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