“Of course they had comp-” Gus started, but D-Bob shushed him furiously.
“Let the man speak!” D-Bob said.
“But the principle is the same,” Shawn said. “The traditional way of doing things is to take one pill that can tackle a particular kind of sickness-headache, stomachache, whatever. But in this other method the scientists sent a tiny spaceship filled with eenie-weenie doctors into the patient’s bloodstream. They weren’t dumb pills mindlessly attacking the one symptom they were made for. These valiant doctors could look for problems and take care of whatever they found.”
“That’s Fantastic Voyage,” Gus sputtered.
“Yes, it is fantastic,” D-Bob said. “What a mind this man has.”
“It’s a movie!”
“There was one trouble with this new technology,” Shawn said. “It was really hard to find scientists small enough to fit into a patient’s bloodstream. But with today’s computer technology, we don’t have to worry about that. We should devote this entire company’s resources to inventing a machine that will finally make scientists tiny! And that look like Raquel Welch!”
The crowd stared up at him, stunned. But D-Bob was back on his feet, clapping wildly. “Isn’t this man incredible?” he shouted to his employees. “Listen to all his ideas! You know, I’ve never done anything like this before, but I don’t think I have a choice.”
Gus felt his stomach drop to the floor. He couldn’t be sure what was going to happen next, but he knew it wasn’t going to be good.
“We were so incredibly lucky that we found Burton Guster to be our new president,” D-Bob said. “And now we’re even more fortunate. Because I am appointing Shawn Spencer to be Gus’ copresident!”
D-Bob thrust his arms in the air for applause. For a long moment, the silence was so great Gus began to wonder if he’d gone deaf. And then in the front row, a couple of executives started to clap. Slowly the applause rippled through the auditorium as one by one the employees of Benson Pharmaceuticals grabbed for this first chance to suck up to their new boss.
Gus took advantage of the noise to move close enough to Shawn to whisper in his ear. “What’s this all about?”
“It’s about Psych,” Shawn said.
“I left Psych,” Gus said.
“You left a detective agency,” Shawn said. “You can never leave Psych. Because Psych is you and me. That’s why I thought you’d taken this gig as an undercover assignment. But now I realize you’re serious about the whole corporate thing. So Psych is moving to the boardroom.”
Gus stared at him. “You’d do that? Seriously?”
“I think we’ve already seen how seriously I’m going to take it,” Shawn said. “But I’m doing it if it’s what you really want.”
Gus studied Shawn for several seconds, looking for any sign that he wasn’t completely sincere. Then he stepped to the front of the stage and raised his hands for quiet. The applause died down quickly.
“I want to thank you all for the warm reception you’ve given my new copresident,” Gus said. “But before we go any further, I think D-Bob should explain what’s really been going on the last couple of months.” He beckoned D-Bob to join him at the front of the stage.
“What’s really been going on,” D-Bob said, stretching the syllables out as long as he could while he tried to figure out what he was supposed to say.
“That you never really hired me as an executive,” Gus said. “That I am actually a detective working undercover to solve the murders of Sam Masterson, Jim Macoby, Mandy Jansen, and Steve Ecclesine. Although Ecclesine was still alive when we were hired.”
“We’re throwing that one in for free,” Shawn said.
There was a shocked gasp from most of the crowd. But in front, where the other executives sat, there was only a contented murmur and a few exclamations of “that explains it!”
“Umm, right, exactly,” D-Bob said. “The man you’ve known all this time as Burton ‘Gus’ Guster is actually…” He leaned in to whisper to Gus. “What’s your name again?”
“Burton Guster,” Gus said into the microphone. “But you can all call me Gus. And I’m sure you all know my partner Shawn Spencer, Santa Barbara’s premier psychic detective.”
Shawn bounded to the front of the stage as if the audience had erupted into cheers instead of another stunned silence. “My friends, we’ve got trouble right here at Benson Pharmaceuticals,” he shouted. “Trouble with a capital M and that rhymes with… Well, actually it doesn’t rhyme with anything useful right now, but if I come up with something I’ll get right back to you.”
Jerry Fellowes stood up in the crowd. “Is this really true, Gus?” he said. “That you never had any intention of helping with orphan drugs?”
Gus looked down at the stage, suddenly ashamed of the work he was leaving unfinished. Chanterelle put a comforting arm around her father’s shoulder.
“Who cares about the orphan drugs?” Lena Hollis shouted. “What’s this about murders?”
“And what’s with Santa Barbara’s premier psychic detective?” Vollman said. “Did we already run through all the phonies in San Francisco?”
“Other people are much more qualified than I am to take on the orphan drug problem,” Gus said. “Like you, Jerry. It’s time for you to step up.”
“It’s funny you should mention that,” Shawn said. “Well, not funny in the ha-ha way so much as the terrible, awful, bloody murderous way.”
“You can’t say my da had anything to do with those deaths!” Chanterelle would have leaped onto the stage if Jerry didn’t hold her back in her seat. “He’s not a killer.”
Shawn cocked his ear heavenward, then turned back to face her. “It’s kind of hard to understand, what with the accents coming from the great beyond, but I’m hearing a trio of Irish voices that disagree with you on that count.”
Jerry’s face flushed. “That was a long time ago,” he said. “I’m not that man anymore.”
“But you could be,” Shawn said. “With the proper encouragement.”
“No,” Jerry said.
“Just think about it for a minute,” Shawn said. “Let’s say you were working with one executive who really seemed excited about the whole thing. But every time he was supposed to push the issue with D-Bob, he canceled. And then he got himself roasted. Wouldn’t that make you step up?”
“No,” Jerry said. “I just deliver the mail.”
“Well, what if a new executive managed to talk D-Bob into actually addressing the issue, but Steve Ecclesine was trying to undercut him until someone sabotaged his window and he plunged to his death,” Shawn said. “Would that make you step up?”
“Why would it?” Jerry said.
“So I guess Mandy’s whole hanging herself in her cheerleader suit after breaking her promise to help didn’t motivate you either,” Shawn said.
“It broke my heart, is what it did,” Jerry said.
“That’s pretty much the way I saw it,” Shawn said. “My only question is why your daughter couldn’t figure that out.”
Chanterelle jumped to her feet. “You’re crazy,” she shouted. “These were all accidents. Why are we listening to this lunatic?”
“Couple of reasons,” Gus said. “First, because until I formally submit my resignation, I’m still the president of the company.”
“Copresident,” Shawn said.
“Copresident,” Gus agreed.
“And because we had some friends of ours show your picture around Santa Barbara,” Shawn said. “And you were identified several times as the one woman anyone saw Mandy Jansen with in the days before her death.”
Gus looked at Shawn, surprised. How long had he known?
“I may have visited Mandy,” Chanterelle said.
