I awake in excruciating pain. There’s a vicious throbbing in my head. I try to open my eyes to take in my surroundings. But… my left eye feels heavy as if someone has placed a weight on top of it from being punched in it. My right eyelid flutters. I attempt to open it against the bright white lights, but it is too goddamn painful. I can hear a machine beeping next to me.
Slowly, reality finally sinks in…He didn’t kill me. He left me for dead. But I am alive! Somehow, I am in the hospital. I am not sure if I should be thankful that those crazy motherfuckers didn’t murder me like they threatened, taunted, they would. Or if I should be pissed the fuck off that they didn’t.
My lips burn and feel cracked and sore. I attempt to swallow, but my throat is raw and dry. There’s a tube in my right arm.
Someone comes into the room and starts fumbling with the tube in my arm, checking my fluids. A nurse, I believe. As she’s leaving from my bedside, someone else enters the room.
“Is she okay? Has she awakened yet?” I hear him ask.
“She’s stirred some,” the female voice says. “But she hasn’t actually opened her eyes. Her vitals are good, so that’s an excellent sign.”
I try to speak, but my jaw is wired. My lips are dry. My body is weak and sore. I groan, wanting to lick my chapped lips.
“Hey, baby,” he says. I mumble words inaudible to him, forcing my one eye open. Jasper’s face comes into view as he takes my hand into his. He smiles at me. “Don’t try to speak, baby. You had me worried as fuck, yo.”
I scan the room the best I can with one eye. See the nurse walking back into the room. He tells her I’m awake. “I’m going to get the doctor to come in and take a look at her,” she replies, turning around.
“Aiight, cool,” Jasper says.
“How long have I been here?” I ask, straining. It hurts to talk; it burns when I swallow. Four days, he tells me. Tells me an early morning jogger found me lying in the park, bloody and unconscious, and dialed 9-1-1.
“Why would someone wanna do this, yo? You know how fucked up I’ve been over this?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, turning my head from him. How the fuck do I tell him that I literally sucked a looney nigga out of his crazy-ass mind? How do I tell him that I was bored and horny and got caught up posting ads for oral sex? That I’ve become a full-fledged cock and cum whore?
“Damn, baby. You had a muhfucka so fuckin’ worried ’bout ya sexy ass. Word is bond! You had a nigga stressin’ hard, yo.” He squeezes my hand, then brings it up to his full lips and kisses it.
Jasper becomes quiet, staring off into the distance. I watch him out of my one good eye, wondering what’s going through his mind. He looks tired, worried. And my heart aches, knowing that I’m the cause of his troubles. I squeeze his hand, bringing his attention back to me. When he turns to look at me, I notice tears gliding down his face.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I hear myself asking in my head, feeling myself becoming overwhelmed with care and concern and guilt and love for him. “Talk to me.”
He shakes his head as if he can hear me. “I’m so fuckin’ glad you aiight, feel me? This shit…not knowin’ where you were had ya man fucked up, for real, yo.” His voice trails off as he’s wiping his tears. “I’ve never cried over no fuckin’ chick before, yo. That’s how fucked up this shit has been for me.”
I am staring at him, hurting for him, for me. Wishing I could have stayed off my knees, kept the dicks out of my throat, and waited for Jasper to come home to me, like I promised him I would. Seeing him cry is killing me.
“I love you so fucking much, yo,” he tells me. He lets his tears fall unchecked. “Seeing you like this hurts me.”
I hear one of my attackers’ voices in my head.
I feel myself choking back tears. I squeeze Jasper’s hand, my only way of comforting him.
He sees it in my eyes—fear. The nurse rushes in. I hear him tell her that I’m in pain. I grunt louder. “Hellllllp…me…”
The nurse rubs my hand. “I know, sweetie; you’re in a lot of pain.”
I grunt louder. “Helllllllp…meeeee…”
“I know, sweetie. I’m going to see about getting you something for the pain.” I shake my head, grunt again. “Nnoooooooooo…hellllllllllp…me.” She continues to fumble with my IV. Tells me everything’s going to be okay. She doesn’t understand my grunting. Jasper does.
“Yo, is she aiight?” I hear Jasper ask. “Is the baby okay?”
“Her vitals seem good. But I’m going to have the doctor come in and have a look at her,” I hear the nurse tell him.
“I’m worried about her and my baby.”
“Don’t worry. Your fiance and baby will be fine. Let me go get the doctor.”
I grunt again. Make loud, agonizing growling sounds as she walks out of the room.
My head is pounding. The tears burn my eyes. I blink them away. I feel like someone is crushing my chest. I struggle to breathe. Fight for air. I’m starting to hyperventilate.
Jasper strokes my face. “It’s over wit’, baby…all that shit you was doin’…” He pauses, lets his words hover over me. Then he leans into my ear and whispers, “I warned you, Pasha. Told you don’t fuckin’ play me, yo.”
