eyes to sparkle. However, upon closer scrutiny, one discovered merely a large amount of curiously applied harsh colors whose roughness insulted the eye and which made it impossible to discover any similarity with my original looks.
And while I gave in to my misery, following all the prescriptions of my doctors, dragging along in a miserable existence, I finally heard mention of a quack who had acquired the nickname of “Eye-watcher' because he insisted that he was able to diagnose the origin of every ailment by looking into the eyes. Even though I had never put trust in people who carry on their trade in secrecy, the weakness which had befallen me made me impervious to the spirit of disbelief. And since there exists nothing one cannot be talked into, I sent a messenger to “Mister Eye- watcher,” begging him to pay me a visit. I liked his physiognomy at first glance. I found myself confronted by an honest and charming face instead of one of those terrifying expressions which are so frequently worn by doctors and charlatans. He began with the request that I tell him briefly but frankly about my way of life up until my illness, as well as about the treatments I had undergone to cure myself. After that, he looked at me carefully for two or three minutes without moving or saying a single word. He then interrupted his silence with the following reassurance:
“Madame, you can consider yourself lucky that your doctors have not actually killed you. Your illness, which they do not understand one iota, is not a disease of the body but a satiation of the soul caused by the excess of voluptuous and luxuriant living. The passions are to the soul what good cookery is to the stomach. The most exquisite meals become stale and commonplace out of habit. They finally frighten us and we are no longer capable of digesting them. The over-abundance of sexual pleasures has, to put it bluntly, over-saturated your heart and deadened your sentiments. Despite the comforts of your present situation, you are no longer capable of appreciating them. Pressing apprehensions haunt you amidst your pleasures and even blissful delights have become a torture unto you. That is the entire situation. If you care to accept my advice, you would flee from the hustle and bustle of society. Use exclusively healthful and nourishing food. Go to bed on time and get up early. Give yourself some exercise, and visit people whose moods are compatible with your own. Find something to do in order to fill the emptiness of your existence. And, especially, do not take any medications! I guarantee you that within six weeks you will be as fresh and beautiful as you have ever been.” The conversation with “Mister Eye-watcher” made such a fantastic impression upon my senses that I would have thought-if I had believed in witchcraft at all — he had touched me with a magic wand. I felt as if I had awakened from a deep sleep during which I had dreamt that I was terribly ill. I was firmly convinced that “Mister Eye-watcher” had rescued me from the jaws of Death, and in a sudden outburst of gratitude and joy I embraced him fervently and upon his leaving I rewarded him with a suitable gift of twelve louis d'or.
Since I was determined to follow his advice rigorously, my first concern was to announce my exit from the Opera. Even though one is expected to stay on for another six months after such an announcement, Monsieur Thuret was happy to make an exception in my case. It seemed as if I had time to think. I had never once thought about my parents since the day I had run away from home. It was as if they had never existed, as if I had dropped from Heaven. The change which had come over me, called them back into my thoughts. I reproached myself for this ingratitude and hoped that I could make amends, provided they were both still alive. My searching was fruitless for quite some time. Finally an old peddler in herbs informed me that Monsieur Tranche-montagne had ended his days as a galley slave in Marseille and my mother was at the moment locked up in the Salpetriere after she had received a public correction at the hands of Monsieur de Paris.
I was deeply touched by their misfortunes. And it was far from me to reproach their behavior which had caused them their conditions. I could do no more than justify their actions in my heart, because I remembered the sensible reflections of the lawyer Patelin that it is very difficult to remain an honest person when one is poor. Truly there are so many people who behave as if they are integrity incarnate only because they have no wants; they might have committed worse crimes if they had been in a similar situation. As they say, there is only good luck and bad luck in this world. And the ones who have bad luck are hanged. I don't doubt that if everyone who really deserved it would dangle from the end of a rope, our globe would soon be depopulated.
Strengthened by this conviction, whether it is true or not, I used my influence to have my mother released from her imprisonment and I had no doubt that the change of her environment would soon turn her into a respectable woman. Thank God, I was not mistaken. Today she is one of the most sensible and prudent ladies I can think of. She was more than happy to take over the care of my household and I must admit to her honor that nobody has ever taken more interest in my home. In short, if I have done anything at all to contribute to her happiness, she is doing no less for me with her tender love and true eagerness in taking care of everything and anticipating my slightest wishes.
We divide our time between our city and our country homes and enjoy among the pleasures of life only those which are the most blissful and available in great variety.
As far as my health is concerned, except for a little insomnia now and then, it is excellent. But, since “Mister Eye-watcher” positively forbade any form of medicine, I hit upon the idea of reading some passages from the sleep promoting works of the Marquis d'Argens, the Chevalier de Mouhy and many other authors of a similar outstanding nature, and in no time at all I sleep like a top. I advise anybody with similar difficulties to try it and I can give them my word that it is the best remedy.
The only thing which remains now is to answer the accusation that I have been a bit too liberal in certain descriptions. I have been prompted by the following considerations: I firmly believe that the only way to discredit these ladies of pleasure is to paint them in the most repulsive colors and to expose the infamous tricks of their trade. Moreover, whatever the reader may think of it, I flatter myself that the obscene parts of my memoirs are fully justified by the good use which young people, about to enter society, may make of them. Let them know about the artful training of these whores and they can draw their own conclusions about the obvious dangers inherent in visiting them. If I have succeeded, and the results are what I expect them to be-the better for them. If not, I wash my hands in innocence.
