or watch me masturbate.
Not that I didn't do plenty of that myself. I tried to make it a purely mechanical thing, denying fantasies and performing on a rigid schedule only as a way to keep from thinking about sex. When I arose in the morning with the slightest feeling of passion or thoughts of lovemaking, I quickly masturbated while still in bed until I had several orgasms.
Often at night, it was the same thing. And it seemed to work for a while until I realized that I could not suppress the fantasies. They loomed so vividly during the times I would lie in bed or sit in the bathroom manipulating myself, that they would then linger. I found that I was more and more prone to admire myself in the mirror as I masturbated, awkwardly sucking my own nipples and nibbling on them until they turned a fiery red.
I remembered hearing about things women used as penis substitutes. I tried a carrot, a smoked sausage, a cucumber, a candle, and even a flashlight. For the most part, they were crude and uncomfortable. I wished that I could find one of the dildoes like I had seen at a party and in the sex movies. I wanted a vibrator with a penis attachment. But I had no idea where to get one.
It was during one of my weekend masturbatory orgies in front of my dresser mirror that I thought of Cindy. Strange I had not thought about her before in my lonely time of need. Obviously, I had rejected the idea for some reason. Lesbian relations had been pounded into me so much as being abnormal during Bob's visit that I had tried to direct all of my fantasy interest toward men.
But when I finally extended my area of fantasy, undoubtedly as a result of a narcissistic interest in myself from enjoying looking at my own body while I masturbated, I became suddenly filled with a very warm and glorious feeling. Cindy, the gorgeous young blonde who led a double life as a very high-priced call girl, was the one person to whom I could turn for both sex and affection.
Cindy had befriended me before when I was in need of help and companionship. She probably understood me more than anyone else. At least she could sympathize with my plight.
Unfortunately, Cindy was only at her downtown apartment where she entertained men at certain hours during the day. I did not have her home number, as she kept her life with her two small children completely separate and distinct from her business and even from most of her other sexual activity. So I had to wait until Monday afternoon when I arrived home from school to call her.
I was the most excited and happiest I had been in months. Perhaps I expected too much. After all, it had been a long time since I had seen Cindy. Many things could have happened. Her feelings toward me could have been only temporary and transient. She could have moved. Maybe she had married.
My fingers were trembling when I dialed her number and waited through three interminable rings before her soft and mellow voice with that indescribable quality of deep emotion and passion greeted me.
“Hel-lo…Cindy filled the phone with her warmth.
“Cindy… this is Denise,” I said falteringly, “I… I've got to see you… talk to you.”
“Oh?” she said with a question mark, and my heart almost fell, “I understood that your… boyfriend… objected to your former acquaintances.”
“That's over… oh, it's all over Cindy,” I told her in rapid-fire speech, so afraid that all hopes were lost, “He's in Hong Kong or somewhere. He's a… a beast… a maniac. He's just about ruined my whole life, Cindy. I don't know what to do. I need…
“Darling,” she interrupted me, her beautifully soft voice even lower now.
“Yes?”
“I have company at this moment,” she informed me quietly, but with a new intimacy. “Why don't you drive on down? He'll be gone by the time you get here. I'd love to see you again, Denise… I've wanted to see you again… darling.”
She hung up quickly after that. It didn't matter. I could tell by her voice that I was welcome and that my siege of loneliness was on the way to being in the past tense.
Chapter Five
It was 4:30 when I arrived at Cindy's apartment. I don't recall whether it was a feeling of affectionate nostalgia or passion that ran through me when I first saw her. She was such a tall beautiful blonde with a figure that was absolutely unbelievably gorgeous. She stood there in the door smiling at me a moment, dressed in tight stretch slacks and a low neck blouse.
“Hi, darling,” she said, broadening her smile and looking me over so nicely that I got goose-pimples, “Come in and unload your problems. I knew you'd need me some day. Remember what I told you.”
I honestly had not remembered all that she had told me that night we had spent together. I was quite high and quite sleepy, and I only remembered that she had made love to me and told me how much she liked me. But she had also stressed that she did not believe in involved love affairs. I had remembered that part, and I suppose it had contributed to my reluctance to call her those past two weeks.
“I know that I need a friend and… I'm desperate for sex, Cindy,” I became resignedly frank as I sat down uneasily on the sofa, “If you… well, if you want me to be a customer, I can… pay…”
“You silly darling,” Cindy laughed gaily in that soft and melodious voice I loved. “I could eat you all afternoon and love it. Fact is-why don't we take care of that little detail first, and then you'll feel more relaxed and we can have a drink?”
“Oh, Cindy-oh, Cindy, you're so wonderful,” I cried, breaking into tears.
She sat beside me a moment and we embraced, very tightly and very longingly. There was as much normal affection and feminine longing to it as there was sex. At least for a few moments Cindy rubbed her cheek against mine, reaching up to brush aside her long blonde hair. My arms were around her waist, while one of her arms encircled me at my midriff and the other one was over my shoulder.
I felt her warmth so strongly through our clothes, the delicate scent of her body as if her very flesh were a kind of smoldering and heady incense with an aphrodisiac quality. My breathing became faster when she bared my breasts and cupped one of them in her hand.
“Denise, darling… you've got the craziest breasts,” she said with a warm smile, enjoying the feel of me in her hand, “Oh, hell, I've missed you, honey. I don't know who needs who most… mm-mmmm.”
Suddenly her whole mouth was over my nipple and sucking on it with a pleasant kind of violence. She made loud noises and deep groans. She would lose suction and there would be loud liquid pops and little frustrated gasps as she sought to retrieve it and pull it deep into her mouth again. I rolled my head back and forth in delirious ecstasy and spread my legs so that I could lead her fingers to my crotch.
“Oh, how I've missed you, Denise,” Cindy told me with a fiery hot intenseness, giving vent to the uninhibited outspokenness I had remembered before, “Oh, I've wanted you again a hundred times, darling. Crazy… you know me, I let go with everything when I have something I like-but I don't get involved. Can you remember that, sweetheart? Be my friend. Be my special one. Just don't fall in love, okay?”
“Okay, Cindy,” I readily agreed with a smile, and we walked hand in hand into the bedroom and undressed.
I lay down on my back and Cindy came up beside me, both of us naked. Her breasts were bigger than mine, and I reached down to toy with them as she began to lick my tummy and go down. The feel of her tongue exploring my pubic area was wonderful, a beautiful prelude to the touch of her lips on my inner thighs, the soft kisses that advanced slowly until her whole mouth was on my crotch.
“Oh, Cindy… don't stop… don't ever, ever stop!” I shouted with pure unadulterated joy when her tongue began playing over my clitoris.
My orgasms began almost at once. I was arching my hips to press my vulva as tight as possible against her lips. In a moment, she stopped me from moving around so much and placed her mouth full on me again, then began to suck and suck and suck. It was a feeling I had not experienced before, not a direct stimulation but a wonderful tease and titillation.
The rest of Cindy's body was right alongside me, slightly raised as she rested on her knees. I enjoyed
