'Of course, of course', I said. Her smile broke through at that. We saw her off, waved to her carriage as she went. Daisy came running down and asked, 'Oh was that Aunty Muriel?'
It was, I said, but she could not stay long. Roger then went to see the horses groomed, so tactful is he. I much wanted then to be alone, and tidied up my bed lest Daisy see. Last night I gave him his well-won reward between my bottom cheeks at last. How lewdly did we talk when it was in!
'My love, my love', he panted on and on, and pumped me so majestically that all my guilt flew in that torrid bout, and I feel free at last and quite myself.
'You may do it next to Muriel', I said long moments after he had come. He did not answer, but he seemed content. He deserves all that I give to him-has been so faithful and so patient all the time. Besides, I may well do to her that which she did to me. I find new depths within myself the more I think of it.-'I want to make you cry', she said. How I would love to kiss her tears away!
Dare I tell Roger so? I wonder how he would react? I feel sure that when we visit her, I shall be more naughty than she was with me.
Deirdre's Day-Book
How curious it is that when we anticipate something, one tends to think, 'Yes, this is how I thought it would be', and at the same time also thinks the opposite!
Muriel and Jane were all prepared to leave. I sensed an undue haste in that, yet at the same time understood that they knew I wished to be alone with Phillip for a while.
How different he is! My goodness, he is quite another man, is timid, quiet, has lost his pompousness, and almost bowed to me when I came in! He kissed my hand and Amy's, too, which he has never done before.
'What have you done to him?', I asked Muriel, though more in joke than seriousness.-'We have taught him manners, dearest-taught him to comport himself with ladies as he should. Keep him in check', she told me, much to my surprise-and Phillip heard what we both said! I was bowled over, as men say, and asked him afterwards, when they had gone, if it were true.
'I have sinned', he said and kept his lips tight-pressed.
'Have you indeed!', I laughed. The old, old look came on his face, and yet it was not quite the same. There was a fearsomeness within his eyes I did not recognise from old. Muriel, of course, was very quiet. Richard behaved himself as quietly as he should and as I have now taught him he must be. Sylvia was shy, and Amy too. They ran upstairs together as girls will, and no doubt had too much to talk about! I wonder about that, but it cannot be helped. Amy will be discreet, I trust, and Richard dare not 'sleepwalk' with his father in the house.
Last night… I know not how to write about last night. Phillip stayed in his study and was quiet, and dinner was a mournful, almost silent thing. I knew I had to have it out with him. His mood is one of doglike watchfulness. Sylvia went in to bid him goodnight which I understood, for she must have made a habit of it now, and it is proper that she should. Amy must do the same in the future. We must be complete. I have an odd feeling I now must rule the house. Having handled Richard quite severely, it will please me to.
'Well?', I asked Phillip once he came to bed. He had gone into his dressing room to put his nightgown on, which he does but rarely, and today I found a pair of drawers in there, though hidden underneath a chair. I will tackle him on that, but for the nonce have found that Muriel was right. I wonder how she had a hand in this?
I asked him straightaway to tell me of his sins, for I dare not confess my own!
'I have mistreated you', he said and straightaway knelt down and kissed my feet.
'Phillip!', I gasped. In truth, I was not displeased. Would I forgive him, so he begged. I might, I said. I felt the strength of me as I had done with Richard when I spanked him hard. It may amuse me to do the same with Phillip now.
I would give thought to it, I said, and marvelled at the glorious feeling that I had. His prick was hard. I saw it when he rose, but out of mischief and revenge I pretended not to notice the projection underneath his night attire and said that I would sleep and think about our future on the morrow. In bed he did not try to touch me, but lay rigid-not in the old way but with a sort of humbleness that emanated like a cloud from him. Something has happened. What it is I do not know, and in the circumstances of my follies think it better that I do not ask. I know that in some way I have the upper hand-may take a lead from Eveline's book in the way she handled Richard first. As for him, the bad and wicked boy, I will have him up and lock the door and put him up to Maude. 'Twill do them good-will keep his hands away from Amy and from Sylvia. I mean to do it strictly, though-will have no looseness from him otherwise. He will see to her needs and his own and then they will behave themselves until the next time that I call them up.
Sylvia's Day-Book
How glad I am that dear Mama is back! What strangeness we have known, and I feel restless all the time. Aunt Muriel said that I would, and not to curb my instincts if I wanted to be naughty on the quiet.
Papa is very quiet still. I am glad of that. When I went to say goodnight to him, he straightaway stood up again. He asked me where Mama and Amy were. They both were in their rooms, I said, had shut their doors. I wanted to say that. I thought of what had happened in the stable and I almost blushed, but Aunt Jane said that I shouldn't now. I did guess when I heard him groan that time. Oh what a lot I swallowed, too!
Papa said next that he was very grateful to me, so I thought he read my thoughts! I didn't mind, I said, though then I thought that if he had not read my thoughts, then perhaps it was the wrong thing that I said. I said to him to sit. Aunt Muriel said I MUST say that. His face went awfully funny, but he did. I wanted to be kind, so sat upon his lap again and talked of dear Mama and Amy, too. I mentioned Richard just a little bit. I have a feeling Mama is put out with him. I 'spect that he was rude to her. He can be very brash at times.
Papa just listened to me, did not speak. Aunt Muriel said that when men are silent, that is good! Papa, though, was not always so. I think she lectured him and made him shy. A part of him, though, wasn't shy. I felt it underneath my bottom all the time and wriggled just to make it 'fit', as Aunt Jane said I should. It got so big!
Papa got flushed. I thought that he might birch me, but he never has. He asked Rose if she'd got her drawers on once! I think he's very naughty, too.
Daisy's Day-Book
I think Mama is being naughty! Perhaps it always happens with grown-ups. I heard a little what they said when Aunty Muriel was here. When Papa went downstairs I crept along and listened at the door and heard Mama say to her, 'Quickly, we must dress!' Oh goodness, he had seen them both undressed! Perhaps, though, Aunty Muriel was trying on a gown. I wish I knew, but cannot ask Papa.
Sylvia has invited me to stay with her-and her Mama is back! Papa says he will take me over there. I wonder if we'll stop awhile halfway? Mama wishes very much to know what Sylvia's Mama is like, so I will have to tell her everything of that. Papa is anxious that I do not say too much. He goes very late to bed now, sometimes when Mama's asleep, and then we have a lovely 'chat' which leaves me feeling very sticky in the end! I daren't, oh daren't, tell Sylvia. I hope she doesn't try to tease it out of me like her two aunties did, oh dear!
Deirdre's Day-Book
What a charming man is Roger, and how sweet young Daisy is! She has that look of innocence that Sylvia has. Long may they keep it so, and yet…
Phillip amuses me. I frigged him last night while he lay quite still. Occasionally he groaned. I shushed him when he did and he obeyed, save for some whimperings. Finally I rolled upon him, sheathed his cock and rode him as I wanted to-and O the sense of mastery it gave! The lamb, he did not even jerk the while I slewed my cunny up and down.
An inspiration struck me. I could not resist. He had not come as yet. I rested, gripping him within, my nipples sharp upon his chest, my thighs fully weighted down upon his own.
'Have you been taught so? Tell me, Phillip', I commanded.
'Yes', he moaned.
'By Muriel? And Jane, perhaps? Come, Phillip, tell me, for I too have sinned'.
'Forgive me! Humble as I am, I have. They made me, Deirdre. First they…'
'Shush! I do not wish to know. Obedience is all for you henceforth. Obey myself and both the girls, and all will follow'.
Why I said the latter I will never understand, save that it seemed to set the seal upon his strange and craven attitude. Perhaps I thought he might adopt a sterner attitude towards them, seeking compensation in that wise,