too, she carefully made sure her clothes were okay, and after I'd done the same (rearranging my still semi-erect penis so that it was less noticeable), we worked together to fold the blanket and put it away before heading to the kitchen for breakfast.
The rest of the day and evening went pretty much as expected.
Late the next morning, the boys got invited over to one of their cousin's houses – something they quickly agreed to. The details were worked out, and arrangements were made for that I'd deliver them for lunch, and they'd be brought back in time for supper.
When I got back from delivering them, I found Jan in the den, working on her science project report. I left her to it, and went into the living room to listen to some music, and wound up taking a nap.
I woke up a couple of hours later, to see Jan in the chair across from me, just sitting there. I raised my eyebrow, and she said'I got most of my report done, and was just watching you. You don't mind?'
I smiled, and said 'No, not while I'm sleeping.'
She giggled a bit before getting serious again, saying,'There's something I need your help with.'
I sat up, and asked 'What, is there a problem with the project?'
She looked at her lap, and answered, 'No, there's a problem with the Jan.'
I looked at her a little more closely, and could see that something was bothering her. 'What is it?' I asked.
'Um, you remember yesterday morning?'
'Gladly. What about it?'
'Well, um, the way I was feeling – you know – before Leo and John woke up, was the best I'd ever, you know, felt before.'
'Okay. And?' somehow, I knew she was just getting started.
'Well, I mean, I've been trying a lot' – a blush at admitting how much she'd been masturbating – 'and I've never, you know, felt that good before. I mean, it feels good and all that, but never as good as yesterday. Yesterday was way better than I'd ever felt before, and I think that if yesterday was that good, then that orgasm stuff I've read about must be pretty good.'
'Yeah, it is.'
'Well, um, I want to feel one. An orgasm, I mean.'
'I kinda figured that's what you meant. But how do I fit into this?' I thought I knew what the answer was, but wanted – no, needed – to make sure.
She answered me by saying 'Uh, well, I was, uh, hoping…' before she ran out of steam, and stared into her lap again.
'You were hoping what?'
'Well, um, that you would, uh, you know…' she ran down again.
'What?'
'help-me-have-an-orgasm' she was finally able to blurt out.
That was where I was afraid she was going, but I had to hear it.
'Jan, you know I'd do anything I can for you, but this is something I'm really not sure about.'
She started sniffling a little, and asked me 'What do you mean?'
I answered by saying 'I really don't know if it would appropriate for me to do anything like that. I mean, I know that I've answered a lot of your questions, and helped you find out a lot of things that you wanted to know about, but I'm just not sure that it would be right for me to have that kind of physical contact with you.'
'So you're telling me that you don't love me like that, and that you're going to just let me keep having trouble with my – feelings – and you're not going to keep your promise to not let me have the kinds of problems you did when you were younger, then.' By now, there wasn't any doubt that she was quietly crying.
I felt like crap. I tried to explain 'Trouble, I really hope that you don't mean it when you say you think I don't love you. I really, truly DO love you. It's just that if I do anything to help you have an orgasm, it means that we would be having physical contact to do it – sexual contact. Not like the anatomy lesson we had, or anything like that, but actual sexual contact. That's something that it's real difficult to explain or have a reason for. Because of your age and mine, it's flat-out against the law: if anything happened and people found out, the best I could hope for would be losing everything I own, and being marked as some kind of sex offender. The worst that would happen would be that I'd go to jail first – and from what I hear, guys in jail don't much care for sex offenders: I'd likely wind up being a wife to some big redneck, if I wasn't killed by someone or didn't have someone beating the living crap out of me every day.'
Through her sniffles and tears, she managed to tell me 'Uncle Dan, I know that already. But there's only two of us here now, and I hoped that you trusted me enough to believe that I'd never tell anyone about it.
Besides, all the other stuff we've done had been kind of sexual, too. I mean, when I got so wet during the anatomy lesson, like you called it, wasn't that sexual? And when you got an erection – and told me that you were sexually aroused – wasn't that sexual, too?'
In a way, she was right. But I still had to try telling her 'That's all true enough, Jan. But there's still the problem that taking this next step is something that we can't take back – once we've had that kind of contact or experience with each other, the way we see each other with NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. Do you understand that?'
'Of course I do. Why are you talking to me like I'm stupid or something?'
'Honey, it's not that I think you're stupid. I'm just trying to make sure that you really do understand that what you're talking about is
'But we're not the same now. I mean, after you saw me in my room that time' – I didn't know she could cry and blush at the same time, but she did -'do you think I'm going to believe that things weren't different between us?'
I had to admit to myself that she was right, there. But I still wasn't ready to give in.
'Jan, you're right. When I saw you then, it really sank in for me that you were really growing up, and not the little girl that I used to carry around on my shoulders when we went to the zoo. But I'm still having trouble believing that you really understand what it is you're asking, and that you really do want help from me with that particular problem.'
'Uncle Dan, sometimes you are such a big dummy. Don't you think I know what it is I'm asking? Even after I showed you my boobs that first time?
Or after our 'anatomy lesson'? Or even the other night? Remember, it was ME that took your hand and put it on my breast! Didn't you wonder how your hand got inside my blouse? Didn't you wonder why I wasn't wearing a bra in the morning, even though I had it on the night before?' – that was one I hadn't caught at the time, but thinking back on it, she was right. 'Do you really think that I would have been playing with your penis yesterday morning if I didn't really want to? Or that I would be letting you play with my boob if I didn't like it, and wanted you to?'
By this time, she had (mostly) stopped crying, and was starting to get a little pissed at me. Then she stood up, and put an end to all the discussion.
'Dammit, Uncle Dan, do you think I'd do*this*' – she pulled off her blouse to reveal a braless torso, and continued stripping as she finished with '- if I wasn't SURE, and it wasn't MY idea?'. By the time she finished talking, she was naked as the day she was born – but a hell of a lot better looking.
'Uncle Dan, I'm not asking you to have sex with me. I just want you to help me find out what an orgasm is like, and how to have them myself. If you'll do it, I want to learn about the other things, too, the ones that don't involve actual sex.' She continued to stand there in front of me, leaving me a view that was most definitely distracting. But, I expect she knew that.
'What do you mean 'the other things'?'
'I mean some of the stuff that I've read about. You know, the stuff like oral sex and masturbating each other, and like that. I want to find out what it feels like when*I* have an orgasm, and I want to know what happens when a man – like you – has an orgasm, too.'
By this time, I was finally ready to concede that she was not only serious, but reasonably aware of what it was she was asking. But I was still hesitant – somehow, I really didn't think this would be the end of it, and I wasn't sure if I was happy or sad at the prospect.
She just stood there, looking at me, as what seemed like a million thoughts ran through my mind, and I argued with myself about what to do.
