Half Share

“And you didn’t want to be that man?” she asked.

“It wasn’t that. The problem was that I just didn’t know. There was a certain attraction, of course. It was a spectacular piece.”

“I have to give you credit. You know quality when you see it.”

“Thanks, but the point is that I never really thought seriously about what I wanted to do, let alone who I wanted to be. When Bresheu said that, it was the first time I’d even considered that I might have a choice in the matter.”

She nodded sympathetically.

“So, yeah, I may regret not buying the coat, but it just felt like I needed to think about that idea of who I want to be before I commit to being the man who wore that coat.” I snorted. “I’m sorry. I must sound like a loon,” I said, suddenly self-conscious.

Brill shook her head. “Not at all, Ish. You sound like a guy who’s getting it together. No need to apologize for that.”

The food arrived and we paid attention to it for a few ticks. My fish was excellent—grilled to perfection and seasoned simply with salt and cracked green peppercorn. It came on a bed of sweet sticky-rice with steamed brocofleur on the side. The wine matched the meal perfectly.

I broke the silence by saying, “So, what about you?”

Brill appeared startled. “What about me?”

“Where are you from? How’d you get to the Lois?” I asked.

She took a sip of wine and a bite of fish. “You mean like, ‘What’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?’” she asked with a giggle.

“Sorta. Why is it that a highly trained and talented individual like yourself is working as a spacer?” I asked. “Seriously. You’ve got a master’s degree in environmental sciences, right?”

“Good memory,” she commented. “What do you think I should be doing instead?”

“I dunno. It’s just that I kind of wound up in space as a last resort. You must have had plenty of other options.”

She sipped her wine and glanced around the room as if considering how much to tell me. I waited her out. Finally, she seemed to make a decision and put her glass back on the table. “You saw how people reacted earlier,” she said softly. “I’ve been tall since I was ten. High school was hell. The university was only marginally better. I graduated with a degree in biology and then just went on to grad school. I dunno, maybe I was hiding, but I didn’t feel ready to venture out in the world yet. Anyway, while I was there I learned about closed ecologies…like ships and stations. I got interested in it. I got my first quarter share about six or seven stanyers ago—on the mess deck like you did.”

“Why mess deck? Couldn’t you have gone directly into environmental?”

She shook her head with a little shrug. “It was the first open berth I could get. I used that to get my foot in the door and then took the spec three test for environmental.”

“So you jumped the engineering ratings?” I prompted.

She nodded. “With my background, the spec three test was pretty easy. I never did have to learn about engine oil and propulsion systems.”

I figured she left out a lot, but I did not press. “Have you always been on the Lois? ”

“Mercy, no!” She laughed. “The Lois is my third ship. I’ve been with her for about four stanyers. Before that I was on the William Hedley—a thirty-kiloton ore hauler that regularly makes the run from here to Diurnia. I started on the Soyokaze. She was a fast packet that made the run of Confederation systems carrying VIPs and light cargo. I made my rating there, but they did not have an open spec three slot. The Hedley did so I took that and got some experience under my belt.” She stopped for a moment, staring at some distant, unseen point. “When the berth opened on the Lois, I was ready for a change, so I moved over here as spec three and worked up to spec one by skipping again.”

“That master’s degree came in handy,” I commented.

“Mr. Kelley is always after me to go into the officer corps. With a degree already, it’s relatively easy. They have a special program at the merchant academy for people with experience and degrees.”

“Why don’t you?”

“Well, I’d have to be a general engineering officer. Spec one is as high as I can go and stay in environmental. I like what I do and moving up, just for the sake of being an officer, isn’t something I’m interested in.”

“I can see that. But don’t you feel like—I don’t know—like you’ve maxed out?”

“Never. There’s always something new to learn. Recently I heard about this screwy idea to mix used algae matrix and sludge.” Her eyes danced over the rim of her glass as she took a sip.

We finished eating and the waiter cleared our dishes away. I had a cup of coffee for dessert, but Brill ordered a decadent looking chocolate something. While sipping reflectively, I remembered my bag with the sculptures in it. The heron was right on top, wrapped in the bit of folded cloth and secured with a red string. I reached down to get it.

“I hope you don’t mind…” I started to say as I pulled it out. When I looked across the table, I found Brill holding out her hand as well. She also held a small object wrapped in a bit of folded cloth and secured with a red string.

“Welcome to the section, Ish,” she said offering the present to me. When she saw what I had brought up in my hand we both laughed. “Oh, that’s too funny!” she said.

“I was going to say, I hope you don’t mind that I went back and got you a figure, but it seems that I wasn’t the only one that took a detour on the way to the head.”

We traded bundles and I waited for her to open hers first. “They were so spectacular, I couldn’t resist,” she said. “I was looking for something small that wouldn’t mass a lot.”

“I’m touched,” I told her, weighing it in my hand and trying to think what it might be.

She pulled the string and carefully unrolled the cloth revealing the heron. “I thought so,” she said, wrapping her long fingers around it and holding it to her chest. “It was gone when I went back. You already had it, didn’t you?”

“Yup. I have no idea what you picked for me, though. I don’t remember any that stood out in particular.” I cast my mind back trying to think of all the figures I saw, but there were so many of them.

“Actually, it wasn’t on the table,” she said. “When I went back, the old man pulled it out of a box and handed it to me. It was weird, but it was perfect so…”

“It’s not a whale, is it?” I asked.

“Open it and see.”

I pulled the string and unwrapped it. A perfectly formed dolphin lay in the folds of cloth. The dark purple shell of its heart gleamed in the light of the restaurant. I stroked the grain with the tip of a finger and felt the smooth surface slide almost sensuously over my skin.

“Wow,” was all I could get out of my mouth.

“Do you like it?”

I nodded and looked at her. “Thank you. I don’t know what else to say. I’m…flabbergasted.”

She carefully re-wrapped her heron, tying the string securely before slipping into the inside pocket of her jacket. “How strange we both went back to the same booth.” She laughed. “But you didn’t need to do that, Ishmael.”

“Well, I really wanted to. You’ve gone out of your way to make me feel at home in the section and helped me so much when I was studying for my engineman rating. When I saw that heron in your hand, I knew it belonged to you. I was really surprised when you put it back.”

Brill gave her head a little shake. “I don’t usually go in for small bits of this and that, but this—” She patted the pocket. “Is something very different, and I’ll treasure it. Thank you. I think that’s the first time anybody has ever given me a gift for hiring them.”

I re-wrapped my dolphin and tucked it safely into my jacket just as the waiter came back with the tab. It felt odd, but good, to be paying. I was shocked at the amount—forty creds—but then I remembered how much Pip and I had made with our trading. I added a generous tip, and we headed back to the ship.