Motherhood Is Murder

?Mommy loves you,? I said. ?I?m always going to be here for you.?

Her eyes opened and she stared straight up at me. A smile crossed her face, and miraculously, she looked as though she had understood me perfectly. She cooed at me.

?Yes, peanut, Mommy loves you.?

She grinned.

?And you love Mommy!? I tickled her tummy.

She giggled.

My heart skipped a beat.

My little peanuty pie was growing up so fast! Only seven weeks old and already we were practically having a conversation!

Laurie lost interest in my face and cried out, rooting for milk.

Okay, so maybe we had a ways to go before we could actually have a conversation.

I held her tiny hand and rubbed it. Between the fingers I found lint.

Lint?

I had bathed her last night; where had the lint come from?

I absently picked at it, my mind drifted back to Helene.

What could have happened to her? I recounted the events of the evening; maybe I could come up with something for Officer Lee.

We?d had dinner, then the server had brought dessert.

Was I the only one who ate it?

Ate? Inhaled was more like it.

I recalled the sweet ice cream perfectly complementing the tart apple turnover . . .

Did we have anything sugary in the fridge? Or in the cupboards? Cookies, cake, anything?5 A.M. wasn?t such a bad time for a midnight snack, was it?

In fact, if I stayed up, I could call it breakfast.

Laurie fidgeted in my arms, bringing me back to attention. I burped her, then brought my focus back to Helene.

She hadn?t touched her dessert. No wonder she was lean and mean. Not an ounce of fat on that woman. She?d fidgeted with the dessert fork, then pulled some Nicorette patches off her arm and declared them utterly failed. She?d stood and said she was going upstairs to smoke. I recalled her husband?s look of despair?or was it disgust??when she said that. Margaret went with her to smoke, and her husband had taken off in the opposite direction toward the bar.

That was it.

That was the last time I?d seen Helene.

At 9:00 A.M. Laurie went down for a nap and Jim made us homemade waffles and strong coffee for breakfast. As I cut into the first bite of my waffle, the phone rang.

Jim and I eyed each other, hoping the other would answer the phone. He looked as if he had no intention of making a move. I shoved the bite of waffle into my mouth and jutted my chin toward the phone indicating for him to pick it up.

?You know it?s for you,? he said.

Jim had long ago stopped answering our home phone, since about 90 percent of the calls were for me. Any of Jim?s personal friends called him directly on his cell phone. We had an ongoing joke that he deliberately directed traffic there so I wouldn?t know who he was talking to.

I swallowed the waffle, washing it down with coffee, then reached across the table and picked up the cordless phone on the fourth ring. ?Hello??

?Kate? This is Margaret. I was calling to let you know. Uh?? Her voice caught and I heard her sob. ?Helene died last night.?

My stomach tightened, the coffee I had enjoyed just moments ago turned bitter. Margaret was confirming information I already suspected, and yet the news, the reality of it, struck me. I had hardly known Helene, but she was this woman?s best friend and her pain was palpable even through the phone line.

I pushed my breakfast plate aside. ?I?m so sorry, Margaret. What happened??

?We don?t know, Kate. She?s still at the . . . medical examiner?s . . . Alan told me that by the time he got to her, she was unconscious. It didn?t seem to him that she had any broken bones, but her breathing was shallow and . . . well, he gave her CPR but . . .? Margaret sobbed. ?By the time the Coast Guard got there, she was already gone.?

Jim watched me, then reached for my hand and gave it a sympathetic squeeze.

?I don?t know about the services yet. They still have her . . .? Another sob caught up with Margaret. ?Sorry. I . . .?

?No problem,? I said.

?We?re waiting on the ME before we make the arrangements, but I . . . I?ll let you know about the