“Hen!” he echoed, clenching and unclenching his fists. “Have you studied the habits of hens?”
The truth seemed very near to him now, but the master-diplomat before him was used to extracting himself from awkward corners.
“Pullets with a southern exposure,” he drawled, “have yellow legs and ripen quickest.”
The Prince was nonplussed. He had no answer.
The girl behind the bar spoke.
“You do talk silly, you two!” she said.
It was enough. Trivial as the remark was, it was the last straw. The Prince brought his fist down with a crash on the counter.
“Yes,” he shouted, “you are right. We do talk silly; but we shall do so no longer. I am tired of this verbal fencing. A plain answer to a plain question. Did you or did you not send your troops to give me the bird to- night?”
“My dear Prince!”
The Grand Duke raised his eyebrows.
“Did you or did you not?”
“The wise man,” said the Russian, still determined on evasion, “never takes sides, unless they are sides of bacon.”
The Prince smashed a glass.
“You did!” he roared. “I know you did! Listen to me! I’ll give you one chance. I’ll give you and your precious soldiers twenty-four hours from midnight to-night to leave this country. If you are still here then–-“
He paused dramatically.
The Grand Duke slowly drained his vermouth.
“Have you seen my professional advertisement in the
“I have. What of it?”
“You noticed nothing about it?”
“I did not.”
“Ah. If you had looked more closely, you would have seen the words, ‘Permanent address, Hampstead.’”
“You mean–-“
“I mean that I see no occasion to alter that advertisement in any way.”
There was another tense silence. The two men looked hard at each other.
“That is your final decision?” said the German.
The Russian bowed.
“So be it,” said the Prince, turning to the door. “I have the honour to wish you a very good night.”
“The same to you,” said the Grand Duke. “Mind the step.”
Chapter 9
THE GREAT BATTLE
The news that an open rupture had occurred between the Generals of the two invading armies was not slow in circulating. The early editions of the evening papers were full of it. A symposium of the opinions of Dr. Emil Reich, Dr. Saleeby, Sandow, Mr. Chiozza Money, and Lady Grove was hastily collected. Young men with knobbly and bulging foreheads were turned on by their editors to write character-sketches of the two generals. All was stir and activity.
Meanwhile, those who look after London’s public amusements were busy with telephone and telegraph. The quarrel had taken place on Friday night. It was probable that, unless steps were taken, the battle would begin early on Saturday. Which, it did not require a man of unusual intelligence to see, would mean a heavy financial loss to those who supplied London with its Saturday afternoon amusements. The matinees would suffer. The battle might not affect the stalls and dress-circle, perhaps, but there could be no possible doubt that the pit and gallery receipts would fall off terribly. To the public which supports the pit and gallery of a theatre there is an irresistible attraction about a fight on anything like a large scale. When one considers that a quite ordinary street-fight will attract hundreds of spectators, it will be plainly seen that no theatrical entertainment could hope to compete against so strong a counter-attraction as a battle between the German and Russian armies.
The various football-grounds would be heavily hit, too. And there was to be a monster roller-skating carnival at Olympia. That also would be spoiled.
A deputation of amusement-caterers hurried to the two camps within an hour of the appearance of the first evening paper. They put their case plainly and well. The Generals were obviously impressed. Messages passed and repassed between the two armies, and in the end it was decided to put off the outbreak of hostilities till Monday morning.
Satisfactory as this undoubtedly was for the theatre-managers and directors of football clubs, it was in some ways a pity. From the standpoint of the historian it spoiled the whole affair. But for the postponement, readers of this history might—nay, would—have been able to absorb a vivid and masterly account of the great struggle, with a careful description of the tactics by which victory was achieved. They would have been told the disposition of the various regiments, the stratagems, the dashing advances, the skilful retreats, and the Lessons of the War.
As it is, owing to the mistaken good-nature of the rival generals, the date of the fixture was changed, and practically all that a historian can do is to record the result.
