Not My Daughter

'Mmm.'

'He asked me to marry him.'

Lily went very still. 'Really?'

'Yes.'

She scrambled up. 'Omigod.' She threw her arms around Susan's neck. 'That is awesome.'

'Y'think?'

'Don't you?'

The idea was growing on her. 'Actually, yes.'

'Omigod. Wait'll I tell the others. They'll die.' She sat up. 'My baby did this. He brought us together. How poetic is that? So. When'll you do it?'

Susan tucked Lily's hair behind her ears, leaving her thumbs to trace the familiar heart. 'I don't know. I haven't accepted yet.'

'Mom. You won't find a better man than him.'

Susan didn't need a man at all. But maybe Lily would. Besides, there was a difference between need and want. Rick's being here had been wonderful during a very hard time. He didn't seem bored hanging around. And when there was a baby for him to play with, how exciting would that be?

'Life is a work in progress,' she finally said. 'For me. For your grandmother. She wants to know you and your baby.'

Lily hung her wrists over Susan's shoulder. Their noses were inches apart. 'He's going to be okay. I know that, Mom. With so many people pulling for him, how could he not?'

'People pull for him because they love you. You're a kind person.'

'Because you are. I mean, how lucky am I? So many babies have worse problems.'

Susan nodded. She had to be doing something right if her daughter realized that.

Lily settled against her again. 'Mom?'

'What, sweetie?'

'I still can't call her Nana.'

'Give it time.'

'I think it's neat she came because of the baby.'

'She wants to make up for what she missed.'

'Because she messed it up the first time? What if I do? What if I make mistakes, too?'

You'll rip it and reknit, Susan thought, remembering what her mother had said. 'You'll try again.'

'Will you love me anyway?'

'Always.'

Lily's breathing steadied, warm against her throat. 'You're a good mother,' she whispered.

'I try.'

Epilogue

'What do you think?' Susan asked, standing back for a better view. She was with Kate, Sunny, and Pam in the attic of the old Victorian that was her new home.

She had married Rick at the end of May, but they didn't find the house until July. Rick wanted a stone front, Susan five bedrooms and a studio, and it went without saying that a lawn with an abundance of grass and trees was a must. This house had barely gone on the market when they grabbed it. Sited on an acre of land, it was closer to the center of town and twice as large as Susan's old one, and though it needed work, Rick was game. Directing the renovations, he kept a crew of locals moving quickly, so that by mid-September, new heating, plumbing, and electrical systems were in place. As soon as the hardwood floors were sanded and sealed, they moved in.

From its steep gabled roofs and wraparound porches, to its deep bay windows and staircase nooks, there was plenty to paint. You pick the colors, that's your thing, Rick said, but, given the freedom, Susan was reserved. In deference to him-and to the fact that, though she simply couldn't choose the pale blues and yellows of neighboring homes, marriage was about compromise-she had the shingles painted a light teal and the trim a crisp white. Both looked stunning against the brilliant fall leaves, at their peak now, this first week in October.

She had been more adventurous with the inside colors, going deeper in some rooms, wilder in others. Then came the attic, its newly installed skylights shaded by the crown of a hundred-year-old oak. At the back, under rafters painted sky blue with clouds, was a playroom. At the front was her studio. It was fuchsia.

This was what Susan studied now. 'Too much?' she asked the others.

'Actually not,' Kate decided.

'It's very you,' Sunny said.

Pam had her hands on her hips, which were otherwise lost under a paint-spattered shirt. 'You deserve this, Susan. You were so disciplined downstairs.'

'Excuse me. Our bedroom is burgundy. Rick says he loves it, but is he just being kind? I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't only me anymore.'

'It was never only you. It was Lily, too.'

'But this house is half Rick's.'

Kate guffawed. 'The man is so in love with you, he'd let you paint the place neon green, if that was what you wanted.'

Susan smiled. She had been in denial for so long that the reality of Rick continued to amaze her.

'Come on, Susan,' Sunny teased softly. 'Admit it. You love being married.'

Susan sighed. 'I do. It was a long time coming. Maybe I grew up enough.'

'Maybe he did, too,' Pam remarked.

Kate refastened her hair, one strand of which now matched the wall. 'He was cute, living with you all those weeks, like he was going to prove that it'd work before he popped the question.'

'I'm not sure it was deliberate,' Susan mused. 'It just crept up on both of us. Our living together definitely helped when the obvious finally hit. Still, things are different when you're married. It's final. When we get in each other's way, we have to deal. It's not like he'll be leaving in a day or two, like he always did before. I mean, obviously, he still travels,' she drawled with a quick look at her watch. Rick had been on special assignment in London and was due back momentarily. Though he had been gone for only three days, she was impatient to see him. Thinking about that, she cried, 'I've grown totally dependent. How pathetic is that?'

'Dependent doesn't have to be bad.'

'It's scary,' Susan insisted.

'For what it's worth,' said Kate, 'he's grown just as dependent on you. It's sweet to see.'

'Well, that raises a whole other issue. I have a partner now, so my life is easier. Lily's is harder.'

'Not your doing,' Sunny reminded her.

'No, but it's hard to watch. I swear, Rick and I discuss this every single day when our instinct would be to just pitch in and do. Lily has to learn to care for her son without assuming we'll always be there. But I have so much more help now than I ever did that I feel guilty.'

'Really.' This from Kate. 'There are times when I stand in my bedroom listening to the baby cry. I want to go to him, but-same thing-I know it wouldn't be good for Mary Kate. She has to do this herself.'

'Isn't she?' Pam asked.

'Actually, she is. She has more strength than I'd have expected-an awful thing to say about my own child, but taking care of a baby is challenging. Will and I are still struggling with the equipment, and we've done it five times before.'

'That's why you're struggling. You didn't think you'd be doing it again.'

Kate lit up. 'But Willie is the best thing to come along since… since Mary Kate. My boys are obsessed with him. I swear, they'll stick around even after they graduate, just to grow up with that child.'

'If they stick around, it's a tribute to you,' Susan said, to which Kate gave a wry smile.

'Some tributes I can do without. I still wish Mary Kate had started college, but she isn't ready, I understand