hadn't worn your tennis shoes to Bloomingdale's. She is probably thinking that the footwear may be part of your problem. You buy your Waterford vase and get the hell out of there.
'So the lesson here is: if you ask for a Brazilian bikini wax, make sure you specify. Tell them to leave a landing strip or else you can wind up hairless, like a ten-year-old!' Darcy finishes her bawdy tale, and everybody laughs. Except Dex, who shakes his head, as if to say, what a piece of work my fiancee is.
'Okay. I'll be right back,' Darcy suddenly says. 'Tequila shots for one and all!'
As she moves away from the group toward the bar, I think back to all of the birthdays we have celebrated together, all of the benchmarks we reached together, benchmarks that I always reached first. I got my driver's license before she did, could drink legally before she could. Being older, if only by a few months, used to be a good thing. But now our fortunes have reversed. Darcy has an extra summer in her twenties-a perk of being born in the fall. Not that it matters as much for her: when you're engaged or married, turning thirty just isn't the same thing.
Darcy is now leaning over the bar, flirting with the twenty-something, aspiring actor/bartender whom she has already told me she would 'totally do' if she were single. As if Darcy would ever be single. She said once in high school, 'I don't break up, I trade up.' She kept her word on that, and she always did the dumping. Throughout our teenage years, college, and every day of our twenties, she has been attached to someone. Often she has more than one guy hanging around, hoping.
It occurs to me that I could hook up with the bartender. I am totally unencumbered-haven't even been on a date in nearly two months. But it doesn't seem like something one should do at age thirty. One-night stands are for girls in their twenties. Not that I would know. I have followed an orderly, Goody Two-shoes path with no deviations. I got straight As in high school, went to college, graduated magna cum laude, took the LSAT, went straight to law school and to a big law firm after that. No backpacking in Europe, no crazy stories, no unhealthy, lustful relationships. No secrets. No intrigue. And now it seems too late for any of that. Because that stuff would just further delay my goal of finding a husband, settling down, having children and a happy home with grass and a garage and a toaster that toasts four slices at once.
So I feel unsettled about my future and somewhat regretful about my past. I tell myself that there will be time to ponder tomorrow. Right now I will have fun. It is the sort of thing that a disciplined person can simply decide. And I am exceedingly disciplined-the kind of child who did her homework on Friday afternoons right after school, the kind of woman (as of tomorrow, I am no longer any part girl) who flosses every night and makes her bed every morning.
Darcy returns with the shots but Dex refuses his, so Darcy insists that I do two. Before I know it, the night starts to take on that blurry quality, when you cross over from being buzzed to drunk, losing track of time and the precise order of things. Apparently Darcy has reached that point even sooner because she is now dancing on the bar. Spinning and gyrating in a little red halter dress and three-inch heels.
'Stealing the show at your party,' Hillary, my closest friend from work, says to me under her breath. 'She's shameless.'
I laugh. 'Yeah. Par for the course.'
Darcy lets out a yelp, claps her hands over her head, and beckons me with a come-hither expression that would appeal to any man who has ever fancied girl-on-girl action. 'Rachel! Rachel! C'mere!'
Of course she knows that I will not join her. I have never danced on a bar. I wouldn't know what to do up there besides fall. I shake my head and smile, a polite refusal. We all wait for her next move, which is to swivel her hips in perfect time to the music, bend over slowly, and then whip her body upright again, her long hair spilling every which way. The limber maneuver reminds me of her perfect imitation of Tawny Kitaen in the Whitesnake video 'Here I Go Again,' how she used to roll around doing splits on the hood of her father's BMW, to the delight of the pubescent neighborhood boys. I glance at Dex, who in these moments can never quite decide whether to be amused or annoyed. To say that the man has patience is an understatement. Dex and I have this in common.
'Happy birthday, Rachel!' Darcy yells. 'Let's all raise a glass to Rachel!'
Which everyone does. Without taking their eyes off her.
A minute later, Dex whisks her down from the bar, slings her over his shoulder, and deposits her on the floor next to me in one fluid motion. Clearly he has done this before. 'All right,' he announces. 'I'm taking our little party-planner home.'
Darcy plucks her drink off the bar and stamps her foot. 'You're not the boss of me, Dex! Is he, Rachel?' As she asserts her independence, she stumbles and sloshes her martini all over Dex's shoe.
Dex grimaces. 'You're wasted, Darce. This isn't fun for anyone but you.'
'Okay. Okay. I'll go… I'm feeling kind of sick anyway,' she says, looking queasy.
'Are you going to be okay?'
'I'll be fine. Don't you worry,' she says, now playing the role of brave little sick girl.
I thank her for my party, tell her that it was a total surprise-which is a lie, because I knew Darcy would capitalize on my thirtieth to buy a new outfit, throw a big bash, and invite as many of her friends as my own. Still, it was nice of her to have the party, and I am glad that she did. She is the kind of friend who always makes things feel special. She hugs me hard and says she'd do anything for me, and what would she do without me, her maid of honor, the sister she never had. She is gushing, as she always does when she drinks too much.
Dex cuts her off. 'Happy birthday, Rachel. We'll talk to you tomorrow.' He gives me a kiss on the cheek.
'Thanks, Dex,' I say. 'Good night.'
I watch him usher her outside, holding her elbow after she nearly trips on the curb. Oh, to have such a caretaker. To be able to drink with reckless abandon and know that there will be someone to get you home safely.
Sometime later Dex reappears in the bar. 'Darcy lost her purse. She thinks she left it here. It's small, silver,' he says. 'Have you seen it?'
'She lost her new Chanel bag?' I shake my head and laugh because it is just like Darcy to lose things. Usually I keep track of them for her, but I went off duty on my birthday. Still, I help Dex search for the purse, finally spotting it under a bar stool.
As he turns to leave, Dex's friend Marcus, one of his groomsmen, convinces him to stay. 'C'mon, man. Hang out for a minute.'
So Dex calls Darcy at home and she slurs her consent, tells him to have fun without her. Although she is probably thinking that such a thing is not possible.
Gradually my friends peel away, saying their final happy birthdays. Dex and I outlast everyone, even Marcus. We sit at the bar making conversation with the actor/bartender who has an 'Amy' tattoo and zero interest in an aging lawyer. It is after two when we decide that it's time to go. The night feels more like midsummer than spring, and the warm air infuses me with sudden hope: This will be the summer I meet my guy.
Dex hails me a cab, but as it pulls over he says, 'How about one more bar? One more drink?'
'Fine,' I say. 'Why not?'
We both get in and he tells the cabbie to just drive, that he has to think about where next. We end up in Alphabet City at a bar on Seventh and Avenue B, aptly named 7B.
It is not an upbeat scene-7B is dingy and smoke-filled. I like it anyway-it's not sleek and it's not a dive striving to be cool because it's not sleek.
Dex points to a booth. 'Have a seat. I'll be right with you.' Then he turns around. 'What can I get you?'
I tell him whatever he's having, and sit and wait for him in the booth. I watch him say something to a girl at the bar wearing army-green cargo pants and a tank top that says 'Fallen Angel.' She smiles and shakes her head. 'Omaha' is playing in the background. It is one of those songs that seems melancholy and cheerful at the same time.
A moment later Dex slides in across from me, pushing a beer my way. 'Newcastle,' he says. Then he smiles, crinkly lines appearing around his eyes. 'You like?'
I nod and smile.
From the corner of my eye, I see Fallen Angel turn on her bar stool and survey Dex, absorbing his chiseled features, wavy hair, full lips. Darcy complained once that Dex garners more stares and double takes than she does. Yet, unlike his female counterpart, Dex seems not to notice the attention. Fallen Angel now casts her eyes my way, likely wondering what Dex is doing with someone so average. I hope that she thinks we're a couple. Tonight nobody has to know that I am only a member of the wedding party.
