Van was killed he decided it was a good time to get rid of Tommy.”
“Tommy’s not handling it too well.”
She fanned herself with her tiny hand. “That’s what I figured. He really isn’t some big dumb jock. He’s real sensitive, you know? I think he was in love with Van for a little while but he was smart. He gave up right away. I mean, it was hopeless. Then he fell in love with Sarah. Van wouldn’t even listen to him when he was telling her that Neil was sorry for being so mad all the time and how much he loved her. Tommy felt sorry for Neil, that’s why he stepped in. But I told him up front it wouldn’t work.”
“Why not?” But my question came automatically. I was thinking about Tommy being in love with Sarah.
“She wanted to humiliate Dad every way she could. And that meant being with a lot of boys. But I doubt she slept with more than one or two of them. She told me she hated sex because it reminded her of Dad.”
“And this was all because your dad married Eve?”
“Well-” She perched herself on the edge of the bench. She pursed her lips, looked away for long seconds then said: “There was something else, too. But now it doesn’t matter. Van’s dead.”
“Did this thing that doesn’t matter anymore affect you the same way it affected Van?”
She inhaled deeply through her nose. “I really don’t want to talk about it, all right?”
“It might help me.”
“My dad said it’s all over. That you’re only out to embarrass him.”
“At one time your dad and I were close to being friends.”
“That isn’t the way he remembers it.”
There was only one way in. “Does Eve go out much at night-alone?”
Getting to her feet was an effort. She wobbled on the first two steps. I caught her wrist gently and eased her back.
“Please let me go. I really don’t want to talk about this.”
“I just asked you if Eve went out alone at night sometimes.”
“What do you want me to say? Yes, she did.”
“How about your dad? Did he go out at night alone sometimes, too?”
“Of course he did. And still does. He’s an important man. He has to.” She broke suddenly, hands to face, quick dagger of a sob. “You know about their arrangement, don’t you?”
“Was that why Van hated him so much?”
This time she had no trouble standing. Or walking. She walked down the wall and finally seated herself on the low ledge at the end of it. She didn’t say anything for a time. She wasn’t crying now. She didn’t even look upset. When she looked at me all she said was, “I need a cigarette.”
I did the movie star thing and lighted smokes for both of us. I carried them down and gave her hers. She had her nice legs stretched out in front of her now. She was considering them. She didn’t seem to have much pride in herself. I hoped she at least realized that she had perfect coltish legs.
She smoked eagerly. “How did you find out?”
“Right now that doesn’t matter. How did you and Van find out?”
A bright smile. “We followed her. Private investigators. We wanted to get something on her. We thought maybe Dad would divorce her if we could prove to him she was unfaithful. And that was pretty easy. She went out with Bobby Randall several times. And we assumed there were others, too. It’s funny how it worked out, though.”
I waited until she was ready to talk again.
“Before we got to tell him, Van and I got the flu pretty bad. We were in bed because we were so sick. I was asleep late one night when Van came into my room. She was so sick she could barely talk. She said she’d started down the stairs to get some orange juice and then she heard something she couldn’t believe. I was so groggy I wasn’t even sure what she was talking about. She said that this party Dad and Eve were having tonight-the men were drawing numbers to see which one of them would sleep with another man’s wife. I couldn’t understand it at first. But Van wasn’t just beautiful, she kept up on things. She said this was what they called wife swapping and she said Dad was having a great time. They were going to pair off, then get together that weekend at Dad’s house up on the river. It’s three stories and sort of like a hotel. Then Van started crying. I helped her into the bathroom so she could throw up. She was that sick-sick about what Dad was doing. She got into bed with me-I used to do that to her when we were little. She just kept crying and I held her and rocked her and sometimes I’d cry, too.”
She turned and flipped her cigarette onto the lawn. “That was a couple of years ago and that’s when she started running around. She’d never been like that before.”
“Did you or Van ever confront your father about it?”
“Oh, sure. We could tell he was embarrassed. He promised he wouldn’t do it anymore. We both wanted to believe him. But then after about a month or so he started going out alone at night the way Eve kept doing. We followed him. He went to the same motel Eve did. The women were wives of his friends. Van used to scream at him and threaten to kill Eve. She always said that Eve shouldn’t ever have been allowed to live in the same house our mom did. I agreed with her completely. Completely.” Then: “Pretty shitty, huh?”
“Pretty shitty.” I don’t know why I was surprised that the Mainwarings had lied to me about the girls not knowing.
“He said we’d understand better when we were older. But neither of us believed that. That isn’t any way to live. It’s like he’s in his second childhood or something.” Then: “I guess I’ll take you up on that ride back home.”
“You want to head back now?”
“Yes, maybe I’d better. I’m really wasted for some reason.”
I remembered how she’d been in my car the other day, not at her best, either. But there were a variety of physical responses to loss and trauma.
“You feel up to walking now?”
“I’m not a baby.” Sharp, angry.
“I was just offering to help.”
“I know, it’s just-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I hate being bitchy.”
“I can’t imagine you bitchy.”
Her whooping laugh was directed at me. “You’re one of those guys Van always told me about-the ones who idealize girls. You don’t want to be around me when I get bitchy. I was even worse than Van and that was pretty bad.”
“Thanks for the warning. Next time I’ll come armed.”
A soft summer giggle. “Well, I didn’t say I was that bad.”
With that she shoved off the edge of the wall. “Thanks for everything, Sam. I really appreciate it.”
I put my hand on her shoulder. “Let’s go get your bike.”
19
Three hours later I sat in a chair on Wendy’s patio watching the day slowly fade into dusk. Wendy had given me a kiss, a beer, and a promise that even though dinner would be late it would be something I really liked. She would meanwhile go visit her mother for no longer than an hour. Whenever her mom felt that nobody was paying her sufficient attention she had panic attacks designed to get her noticed. Since Wendy’s sister lived in Portland, Oregon, it fell to Wendy to be the noticer.
Dusk is always a melancholy time for me and I’ve never been sure why. Sometimes I feel the loneliness that has always been my curse, a loneliness that nobody can assuage. Tonight for company I had Wendy’s hefty cat Victor. He sat in the chair next to mine and swatted at everything that tried to assault his bastion from the air. He had yet to down a single firefly but he certainly kept trying.
I wanted to give myself up to the Cubs game that was just getting started on the radio. Misery loves company and nothing is more miserable than listening to the Cubs blow another season. But this was pregame yak and so I was left to the dying day.
It would have been nice to send my mind on vacation so that I could just sit here and be one with my
