‘ Well, we’ re not exactly sitting around holding hands and singing ‘ Kumbaya,’ but’ -her face shone as she talked-’ we’ ve been talking. Met the husband. And their kids are cute as hell. They got this wild curly hair-I don’ t know where it came from. Danny is three, and Jennifer just turned a year.’
‘ Those are pretty common names from a girl named Sunshine.’
‘ Sally,’ she corrected me. ‘ She goes by Sally now. But get this: Her husband rides a motorcycle-how’ s that for a kick in the pants? A little Honda piece of crap, but still. There’ s hope for that girl yet if she picked a husband who rides.’ Phyllis gestured to the gift. ‘ Anyway, open it.’
As I tore into the wrapping paper, Phyllis asked how the list was going.
‘ I’ m almost done. Two tasks left to go,’ I said, holding up a tiny Harley-Davidson leather jacket. ‘ Oh, Phyllis, this is so cute! Thank you.’
She nodded and then said, ‘ Which ones do you have left to do?’
‘ Find a guy named Buddy Fitch and make him pay-that’ s a tough one. I’ m stumped. I’ m spending every night on the Internet searching. The other is that I have to change someone’ s life.’
‘ That letter you wrote changed my life,’ Phyllis said. ‘ So go ahead and mark that one done.’
Shaking my head, I said, ‘ Thanks, but not a chance. I only threw words on paper. Getting back with your daughter& you did that on your own. Anyway, I’ m bringing the final adoption papers over to Deedee and her family this Saturday. I figure as soon as we sign them, it’ ll be official. Then I’ ll feel as if I can say I’ ve changed a life.’
My heart skittered as I said all that out loud.
Phyllis must have noticed because she said, ‘ There’ s nothing to be nervous about. You’ ll do a fine job.’
I sure hoped so. Little Whatever-her-name-was-going-to-be deserved the best mom possible.
DEEDEE PALED as she watched the woman writhe nude on the screen in front of us. Maybe this childbirth class was a mistake. The adoption lawyer had recommended it because it was especially for girls giving up their babies. I promised to take Deedee every Wednesday night until she went into labor. Unfortunately, seeing what she was in for in just over a month’ s time, Deedee looked more frightened than I’ ll bet I had when I’ d seen The Birds.
I did my best to comfort her. ‘ The sort of woman who’ d let her birth be filmed for the world to see is going to be the type to scream a lot,’ I whispered. ‘ And I know for a fact that you don’ t have to be completely naked.’
A girl whose name tag identified her as Janai leaned over. ‘ Yeah, and I got two words for that lady: bikini wax. I thought her bush was the kid’ s head coming out.’
Another piped up, ‘ Why is she doing it without no painkillers?’
‘ I say pass the Demerol and wake me when it’ s over,’ Janai added. ‘ And I’ m getting me a Brazilian wax before I go in. If a whole bunch of people are going to be staring at my snatch, I might as well make it pretty.’
‘ Especially if it’ ll help take the focus off my ass,’ a girl agreed woefully. ‘ I know guys like junk in the trunk, but I’ ve got a fucking dump truck going back there.’
‘ I hear that,’ someone seconded.
I could tell that Deedee wanted to participate in the exchange, but she was way out of her league. Although the other girls were teenagers, they all seemed to have more mileage on them. Still, for all their swagger-and they’ d spent the first part of the session swapping stories about deadbeat boyfriends so bad that they made Troy Jones seem like Father of the Year-there was no missing that they were scared.
The birth movie ended, and the instructor opened the floor for questions. Janai raised her hand. I expected her to ask about painkillers, which was what I would have wanted to know in her shoes. But she said, ‘ What if there’ s something wrong with the baby and they don’ t want it?’
The instructor-and there was a woman with a tough job-then facilitated a discussion about a birth mother’ s rights vs. adoptive parents’ rights. That segued into how to find a good lawyer and how drug use during pregnancy affects the baby’ s health. I whispered to Deedee, ‘ Guess you’ d better cut down on the crack cocaine, huh?’ but she either didn’ t hear me or pretended not to.
On the drive home, Deedee was as quiet as she’ d been during our first few get-togethers. I didn’ t push it. I had plenty on my mind myself.
There’ d been a moment in the film when a girl handed her baby over to an adoptive mother. The pure joy on the woman’ s face as she accepted the child should have been thrilling, but it sent a shot of panic pulsing through me. I’ ll bet anything she had remembered the due date. That she had a name picked out. That she knew the difference between a washcloth and a burp towel. Heck, she’ d probably read What to Expect cover to cover a dozen times.
Was there something wrong with me?
I had told Susan I wasn’ t having second thoughts, but what about the fact that I wasn’ t having any thoughts at all?
I’ d been counting on getting more excited as the baby’ s due date neared. Instead, fears that I might be making a huge mistake had been creeping into my consciousness. It was getting harder and harder to squelch them, but I had to. There was a little girl about to be brought into the world who needed me. I couldn’ t let her down.
When I pulled up to drop Deedee off, there was an unfamiliar car in her driveway. ‘ Looks like you have company.’
She groaned. ‘ My mom’ s fiance.’
I was stunned. ‘ I didn’ t know your mom was getting married. You never even mentioned that she had a boyfriend.’
‘ He’ s the manager at the restaurant where she works. They’ ve been going out awhile now.’
‘ Do you like him?’
‘ They French-kiss in the living room,’ she said by way of reply, making a gagging noise.
‘ How soon are they getting married?’
She shrugged. ‘ My mom wants to do it before her thirtieth birthday for some reason. That’ s in December.’
