For the first time in two full weeks, Lily laughed out loud.
“I know. It’s ridiculous. But remember: We’re cooking up a story for the breeders. They want us to be straight so badly, they’ll believe any bullshit story we come up with.”
Lily cleared her throat to stifle a giggle. “So you and Charlotte were having an affair.” She tried to imagine Charlotte and Ben locked in a passionate clench. “She was the top, obviously.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I was the top. I’m the man, aren’t I?” His voice squeaked as he defended his masculinity.
“If you say so, dear.”
“So anyway, Charlotte and I had been having this affair, and she tearfully confessed to me when she got pregnant with Mimi, that she was sure that I, not Dez, was the father ...”
“Where did you come up with this story, Soap Opera Digest?”
“We both know it’s absurd, and Charlotte and Dez are probably giggling in their graves at the idea.
But don’t you think they’d want us to do whatever it took to keep their baby away from those Cobb County cretins?”
“Of course they would. I just don’t see where this flight of fancy is taking us.”
“Wake up and smell the patriarchy, Lily! If I can convince a jury that I’m Mimi’s biological father, then I’ll have a legitimate claim on her.”
“But they can do tests for that kind of thing now, if the judge orders it. DNA ...”
“Which brings me to my family. My brothers were what you might call mischievous when they were growing up. Mother and Daddy bought them out of so much trouble with the law that they own the judge of the juvenile court in Faulkner County — he’s practically a house pet. There’s no way Judge Sanders is gonna make a member of the McGilly family take a DNA test. He knows a McGilly’s word is as good as his next payoff.”
“So how are we gonna manage to get this case tried in your hometown?”
“That’s where we come to the part of the plan that’ll make the whole thing work.” Ben cleared his throat and arched an eyebrow. “Lily, will you marry me?”
She had seen the question coming, but she still couldn’t stifle her laughter. “I swore when I was in first grade I’d never marry a man.”
“It wouldn’t be like a real marriage. I’m not gonna take advantage of your virtue or anything. The one time I tried to have sex with a woman, I threw up on her.” He sat back down next to Lily. “Here’s what I’m thinking. We get married, we move to Faulkner County for the time being, convince my parents our marriage is the real thing, give them time to fall in love with Mimi. And that won’t take any time at all, because they’ve got grandsons out the wazoo, but not one granddaughter. We’ll have the case tried there, get joint custody of Mimi, then we can move back here to our respective condos. We can stay married for the insurance benefits or get a divorce, whichever you want.”
Lily’s heart was racing. “You make it sound so easy, but this ...this goes against my whole personal philosophy.” She rolled up her sleeve to show her woman symbol tattoo. “When I got this tattoo, I was nineteen years old. I swore then that I’d always be true to my lesbian identity ... that I’d never closet myself, or use vague pronouns, or —”
