Up The Down Staircase

All right, sit down. I mean, stand up—over there, against the wall.

For parent's name, can I use my aunt?

Put down your mother's name.

I got no mother.

Well—do the best you can. Yes, young lady?

The office sent me. Read this to your class and sign here.

May I have your attention, please. Please, class!

There's been a change in today's assembly schedule, listen carefully:

PLEASE IGNORE PREVIOUS INSTRUCTIONS IN CIRCULAR #3, PARAGRAPHS 5 AND 6, AND FOLLOW THE FOLLOWING:

THIS MORNING THERE WILL BE A LONG HOMEROOM PERIOD EXTENDING INTO THE FIRST HALF OF THE SECOND PERIOD. ALL X2 SECTIONS ARE TO REPORT TO ASSEMBLY THE SECOND HALF OF THE SECOND PERIOD. FIRST PERIOD CLASSES WILL BEGIN THE FOURTH PERIOD, SECOND PERIOD CLASSES WILL BEGIN THE FIFTH PERIOD, THIRD PERIOD CLASSES WILL BEGIN THE SIXTH PERIOD, AND SO ON, SUBJECT CLASSES BEING SHORTENED TO 23 MINUTES IN LENGTH, EXCEPT LUNCH, WHICH WILL BE NORMAL.

I can't hear you—what did you say?

They're drilling on the street!

Close the window.

I can't—I'll suffocate!

This is a long homeroom?

What's today's date?

It's September, stupid!

Your attention, please, I'm not finished:

SINCE IT IS DIFFICULT TO PROVIDE ADEQUATE SEATING SPACE FOR ALL STUDENTS UNDER EXISTING FACILITIES, THE OVERFLOW IS TO STAND IN THE AISLES UNTIL THE SALUTE TO THE FLAG AND THE STAR- SPANGLED BANNER ARE COMPLETED, AFTER WHICH THE OVERLOW MAY NOT REMAIN STANDING IN THE AISLES UNLESS SO DIRECTED FROM THE PLATFORM. THIS IS A FIRE LAW. DR. CLARKE WILL EXTEND A WARM WELCOME TO ALL NEW STUDENTS; HIS TOPIC WILL BE 'OUR CULTURAL HERITAGE.' ANY STUDENT FOUND TALKING OR EATING LUNCH IN ASSEMBLY IS TO BE REPORTED AT ONCE TO MR. McHABE.

Water! I gotta have water! My throat is parching!

He thinks he's funny!

May I have your attention?

No!

TOMORROW ALL Y2 SECTIONS WILL FOLLOW TODAY'S PROGRAM FOR X2 SECTIONS WHILE ALL X2 SECTIONS WILL FOLLOW TODAY'S PROGRAM FOR Y2 SECTIONS.

Where do we go?

What period is this?

The two boys in the back—stop throwing that board eraser. Please come to order; there's more:

Is this assembly day?

BE SURE TO USE THE ROWS ASSIGNED TO YOU:

THERE IS TO BE NO SUBSTITUTION.

Excuse me, I'm from Guidance. Miss Friedenberg wants Joe Ferone right away.

He isn't here. Will you pass your Delaney cards down, please, while I—

I didn't start yet! I'm waiting for the pen.

How do you spell your name?

Hey, he threw the board eraser out the window!

Will you please—

Here's my admit. He says I was loitering.

Who?

McHabe.

Mr. McHabe.

Either way.

Now class, please finish your Delaney cards while I call the roll.

I didn't finish!

I never got no Delaney!

Any. Yes?

Mr. Manheim next door wants to borrow your board eraser.

I'm afraid it's gone. Please, class—

You give extra credit for alphabetizing?