I was what women are fond of describing as a 'nice youth': ruddy complexioned, fair, tall, well-made, and rather over fourteen years of age, when it was decided to send me to school.
This resolution was come to, because one fine afternoon, being on the stairs behind our pretty nursery maid, a lively and brisk piece of feminine flesh, as she was carrying the tea tray up to the nursery, in the exuberance and precocity of my animal spirits, I seized the advantage of her hands being engaged in holding the tray, and lifting her petticoats behind up to her waist, I indulged in a long look at her stalwart legs, thighs, and plump bottom. Then, my eager hands slipped through and touched something hairy between her warm legs. Whether she would have objected to this part of the performance, I do not feel sure. I believe she would have reserved the matter for private scolding and settlement at a convenient moment, but, as soon as she felt my hand, it had an altogether unexpected effect, for, blushing crimson, she incontinently dropped the tea tray, and, as the milk ran one way and the scalding tea and boiling water went drip, drip another, and the cups and saucers rolled down the flight and broke themselves quite leisurely, she exclaimed, looking a picture of loveliness in her confusion: 'Oh! Master Julian! Oh, you wicked, wicked boy!'
In the midst of the clatter and exclamation, out came the head nurse. She found the girl as red as a peony, and myself looking utterly foolish. She took in the situation at a glance. No supper, but bed, and a severe application of an old slipper were my portion that night. A report was made to headquarters, and to school I was sent, and remained there for nearly two years.
I left school, because it did not agree with my health. Delicately brought up, and accustomed to luxuries at variance with the rigour of scholastic discipline, school was found unsuitable for me. So I came home again.
My parents were a great deal too much occupied with fashionable society and parliamentary affairs to look after me. My father expected to become before long a member of the government, under which he then held a subordinate office. His expectations were fulfilled, and he was subsequently rewarded with a seat in the Upper House and an Earl's coronet. I was delighted to become a Lord; but, in the meantime, a large old house which had belonged to my father's brother, who had died leaving three daughters, was my destination. It was a fine old place near Stowmarket in Suffolk, with a thousand acres of woodland and pasturage. My cousins Maud, Beatrice, and Agnes, charming girls, were being educated there by a sweet young French governess, to whose care, in consideration of an extra fifty pounds a year salary, I was also consigned.
Mademoiselle de Chambonnard was tall, svelte, possessed a beautiful little figure, with masses of black hair, large black eyes, and pallid complexion; and dressed and comported herself like a young Queen. Her air of espieglerie and mischief, and her womanliness bewitched me. But there was about her a resolution and determination, indicated by her firmly compressed mouth and beautifully shaped lips, which rather terrified me, and with reason. Her eyes laughed; her mouth never relaxed.
My cousins were equally charming, and seemed to have imbued much of Mademoiselle's frolicsomeness and playfulness. They were all dressed in the height of fashion. Maud was just twenty, Beatrice eighteen, and Agnes sixteen. I fell in love with Beatrice at once. She was the bete noire, and I suppose we intuitively felt we were kindred spirits. I at once observed their dainty feet and shoes, their faultless deportment, their pretty short frocks, and enough of their underclothing to perceive its exquisite character. Agnes was the coldest and the favourite; Beatrice, always in scrapes, the warmest hearted and most beautiful; and Maud the provokingly faultless one. I cannot describe my sensations, when deposited by my father's man after a drive of nearly twenty miles, amongst these young ladies, with the full knowledge that my fate was in their hands. Mademoiselle received me, and observed that she had heard of some of my doings, adding that they would all find it odd to have 'a male thing' amongst them, but that she hoped I should be a good boy and very obedient. She then rang for the maid, ordered her to show me my room, and told me to join her and my cousins at the schoolroom.
Mary conducted me to the bedroom, and looked after me much more than I liked, and in a peculiar manner which I could not make out, and felt disposed to resent. She poured out the water, tempered it to the heat she considered right, helped me off with my jacket, waistcoat, and collar, asked me for my keys, told me to wash myself, and, I verily believe, had I not been quite a stranger she would not have left the room at all, which I should have found decidedly inconvenient. Then it was her good pleasure to tie my necklace for me, and when I explained that I was quite capable of doing it myself, she exclaimed: 'Oh, are you, my pretty young gentleman? Perhaps you will find before long that you are not allowed to do as many things for yourself here as you like.'
On our way to the schoolroom, we met a tall, handsome young woman, who was evidently standing there purposely to see me. She had lovely dark eyes and an oval face. She was Miss Elise, Mademoiselle's maid. I entered the schoolroom a little ruffled and out of temper, which Mademoiselle was quick to discern. She introduced me to my cousins, and I greeted them formally with that dignity on which I prided myself and thought becoming in a young man. But Mademoiselle, at once, made me supremely ridiculous in my own and everybody else's eyes by insisting on my asking each of them for a kiss. That put me to great confusion, for the kisses were not readily given, and I was compelled to go on begging until, with much reluctance and great condescension on their part, I got them. Mademoiselle then rated me for being ill-mannered, and peremptorily ordered me to kiss her own hand, which she extended for the purpose. I did so with an ill grace, earnestly wishing myself anywhere but where I was, and sat down sullenly enough, in a frame of mind which provoked the immediate remark from Mademoiselle.
'Come, Master Julian, behave yourself, or I shall send for Elise to put you to bed!'
The suppressed giggle which this provoked increased my ill temper, but I resolved to pass it over and show self-control and command over my temper, trusting that my nonchalance and imperturbability would make her duly sensible of the manly manner in which I treated her indecorous freedom, and that it would convey a just rebuke of what she would evidently see I regarded as her bad taste, and I expected she would then be properly abashed accordingly.
Her maid put me to bed! The idea!
But unfortunately, Mademoiselle was not in the least abashed. On the contrary, she acted towards me with unseemly levity, and positively betrayed a disposition to treat the matter with inconsiderable impatience and anger, and although she then took no further notice of my demeanour, I felt that she intended to make a note of it, and an uncomfortable foreboding again stole over me.
The evening passed without further incident. Amidst the warmth and brightness of the room, and the pleasant chatter of the girls, my stiffness wore off; but I was destined to make an ass of myself. The pretty girlish forms, the graceful contours of which were admirably revealed and suggested by their dresses, gave me a delicious sense of voluptuous ease. I therefore became graciously condescending, although a curious twinkle in Mademoiselle's eyes ought to have awakened me to the ridiculous figure I was cutting. My foolish serenity was, however, undisturbed until the next day, when I had a rude awakening. I had no suspicion at the time that she was only fooling me in the most finished manner.
Her conversation was easy and engaging. She drew me on to talk quite confidentially, to tell her of my likes and dislikes, and reveal my real self to her to an extent, which quite startled me when I reflected upon it afterwards in bed, with the uncomfortable doubt as to whether she was really my friend or only trotting me out and secretly quizzing me the whole time.
She reclined in a low chair with a fan with which she coquettishly played in her lovely dimpled hand-one foot on the steel bar of the fender, her seduisante attitude revealing a good deal of her slender limbs and open-work stockings, and affording occasional glimpses of exquisite lace and white under-raiment. Of course, it was my role not to appear to notice anything, and I played it to perfection, being insouciant to a degree that must have astonished and discomfited her. However, in my own mind, I thought her extremely nice, and felt I should become really fond of her.
Alas! Before long I had reason to think of that low chair in quite another manner.
Maud, as the governess and myself chatted, pored over some book, seemingly resolved not to interest herself in the least in our conversation. She had, apparently, quickly come to some conclusion. I felt, though, that her carelessness was strongly tinctured with contempt for me.
Between Beatrice and myself there had already been established, from the first, a tacit intelligence and friendliness. The dear girl was evidently much disconcerted and greatly concerned for me.
About Agnes' mouth there played a cold but amused smile. She said nothing and gave no sign.
I found they led a delightful life, taking high tea at half-past five, dinner at half-past eight, bed at half-past
