Accordingly I returned home, and nobody knew what to do with me. I could not go to another school. I was too young for the University. I stayed at home for six months. My father was already sickening with his last illness. There was no one to control me; and no doubt I bullied the servants, was tyrannical and threatening to the tenants, rude to Helen, and contemptuous of Miss. Priscilla. Miss. Priscilla had precise old-maidish neatnesses which it was a pleasure to me to offend. I would stamp about the drawing room in noisy muddy boots and fling myself on delicately upholstered sofas in dirty football clothes. These things I delighted to do because I saw how much they shocked her and offended Helen. Finally Helen made a suggestion to my father that I should be sent around the world with a tutor for a year. My father was delighted with the idea. He was very ambitious for me. He was unwilling to face the disturbing realities of my unusual feminine persona.
'There is no reason, my boy, why you should make money. I have done that. You must make a famous name. Marry and begin a great family which shall be associated with the history of the country.'
Oh, how well I remember him saying that! Helen and Miss. Priscilla were both at his bedside at the time, and both were looking at me with enigmatic smiles, which, of course, I now understand.
'You must go into Parliament, become a Cabinet Minister, perhaps Prime Minister. Therefore go round the world Dennis and improve your mind.'
I went, grateful to Helen, but after I had started, I began to wonder whether Helen had not some ulterior purpose. Whether she had not removed me from my father's neighbourhood in order to oust me by slander from his affections and rob me of my inheritance. I wrote to him, warning him against Helen and Miss. Priscilla.
'They are, both of them, designing women, I am sure. They wish to intrigue me out of my proper position as your son.'
It was an unfortunate letter, for it ultimately came into Helen's hands. But at the same time it had its influence on my father. A couple of months later, I received a telegram announcing my father's death and that he had bequeathed the whole of his immense fortune to me, with a request that I should make Helen such an allowance as I thought sufficient for her and Miss. Priscilla. There was, however, a thorn in that, as in every rose. I was not to come into my inheritance until I was twenty-five, and until that time, Helen was appointed my guardian. I resented the idea of being subject to Helen, who certainly hated me. At this time she was only twenty years old herself. However I reflected that I had the upper hand. She would be absolutely dependent upon me and my money for her meals.
I returned to London where I found a letter from Helen asking me to go and see Mr. Willowes, the solicitor. Now Mr. Willowes was a friend of Helen's and she had removed the entire affairs of the family from our old solicitor, who had looked after them for twenty years, and put them into this new man's hands. I went to see him in a haughty mood of displeasure.
'I don't approve of the change,' I said foolishly, 'and I shall restore the business into the hands of our old solicitor when I come of age.'
Mr. Willowes, a young sardonic looking man, twirled his moustache with an ironic smile.
'It is very kind of you to give me warning. Meanwhile here is your first-class railway ticket to Beaumanoir. I have paid off your tutor. Miss. Deverel expects you this afternoon and if you will take a word of advice, young gentleman, you will change your tone with her. You are sixteen and a half. She has complete control of you for the next eight years and I rather think that she has had quite enough of your ill manners and bad behaviour. Good morning.'
Wild with rage, I was shown out of the office. I had hardly any money. I had to go down to Beaumanoir. Immediately upon my arrival, Helen threw off her mask. I arrived late, and noticed that all the footmen and menservants had been dismissed. There were only women in the house, plus new women-servants. All of the new maids were big and handsome and strong. I have to admit that deep within my bosom, I felt a renewed vitality being back at Beaumanoir.
'You have just time to dress for dinner,' said Phoebe, 'if you will hurry.'
'I shall be late,' I replied. 'How is it that there are no valets?'
'You must ask Miss. Helen.'
I had my bath, and coming back into my bedroom, I found Phoebe still there.
'What are you doing here? You can go,' I said and I saw to my confusion that she was holding up a dainty corset of white satin.
'I must lace you into this first, Master Evelyn,' she said impudently.
'How dare you? What impertinence!' I began to leave the room and I saw her move to the bell. 'What are you going to do?' I cried.
'Ring the bell for some of the other servants if you are going to be silly. I have definite orders from Miss. Helen to lace you into a corset and smarten you up.'
I remembered with a sinking heart Mr. Willowes' advice. I couldn't have a struggle with a lot of women- servants. It was a question I must settle privately with Helen. A minute's conversation would settle the matter and put a stop to the repetition of any such nonsense. And so I allowed Phoebe to lace me up in a women's corset. What a strange, luxurious feeling it was! It was an enervating, captivating sensation against which I felt the strong need to struggle. I had a sense now of truly being in a woman's power. The delicate corset, all lace and satin outside, but relentless as steel in its whalebone grip, seemed to me the epitome of womanhood. I loved the feeling!
I had carelessly allowed my hair to grow long. Phoebe insisted on curling it. I noticed that the dress trousers that had been laid out had a line of little effeminate black satin buttons running for a few inches from the hem upward on the outside of each leg. They were short and exposed my delicate ankles, which were clad in very fine black silk stockings. My stockings were attached to my corset instead of ordinary socks and my shoes were patent leather girls' pumps with neat flat bows and straight American heels, which were higher, of course, than those that men normally wear. I was mysteriously excited by this strange costume. Helen was already at the table when I went down, seated with five or six of her friends. Mr. and Mrs. Rivers and old General Carstairs, a regular degenerate, were there among other guests. I blushed, suddenly ashamed in my costume.
'Ah, here's the androgyny!' Helen cried as I entered the room. 'Come and sit down! How do you like your corset and your bright little shoes?'
The company tried not to laugh. I was so confused that I wished the floor would open and swallow me up. I ate my dinner not knowing where to look.
'We have just been discussing your future, Evelyn dear,' said Helen.
'I prefer not to discuss my future with acquaintances,' I replied haughtily, looking at the guests.
'There's no reason to discuss anything,' said Helen, 'for we have settled it with a unanimous vote. You are too young still for College. For reasons of which you are aware, you cannot be safely sent to a boys' school.'
I grew scarlet.
'And you are too overbearing and untidy and impossible to remain in this household with a tutor. There is only one thing left for you, dear, and that's a girls' school.'
I started up in a rage, although I can now freely admit that my heart soared.
'This is really too much!' I shouted, attempting some modicum of behaviour.
'Come with me,' said Helen, with a look on her lovely face that frightened me. She had absolute control of me and my inheritance for eight years. She took me up to my bedroom.
'I am quite serious about this, Evelyn,' she said in a gentle voice. 'It is the only thing to be done. I don't know whether you are aware that I can, if I think you fit for your position, let you come of age when you are twenty-one. If you behave very obediently as a girl for two years at the girls' school to which I am going to send you, I may perhaps shorten your minority.'
It was a strong inducement. Besides, she need not have offered any inducement. I actually wanted to go pose as a young lady. I desired no escape.
I was deeply, mysteriously thrilled.
'Of course if I go as a girl to a girls' school for two years, I shall be allowed to dress as a man at the end,' I said, in case I appeared freakishly happy.
'If your schoolmistress reports favourably.'
Of course I consented. During the next day, I was busy with Helen's dressmakers, Helen's milliner, Helen's boot makers, Helen's corsetiere. In ten days I was fetched by a governess. I went by train in the summer uniform of the
