Wish You Were Dead

I glanced at Ms. Skelling, who normally didn’t tolerate such banter in her presence, but the chemistry teacher was staring out the window, almost as if she were in a daze.

“Isn’t a week a long time?” asked shy, mousy Maura Bresliss in barely more than a whisper.

The sound of her voice seemed to bring Ms. Skelling back to the room. She turned her gaze on Tyler and me. “You’re both aware that you’re supposed to stay until the client enters the house. Please tell me why standard operating procedure wasn’t followed?”

It caught me by surprise when Tyler had cocked his eyebrow at me as if to let everyone know that it was my responsibility to answer. For a moment I felt a twinge of resentment, but then I told myself that perhaps he was right. After all, I had been the one who’d urged him to leave Lucy standing there in the dark.

I could have said that Lucy was being a total jerk, but that wasn’t the point. Jerk or not, we were supposed to wait. That’s why they called it Safe Rides and not just Rides.

“It was late and I was tired,” I said. “I didn’t think—”

“Obviously,” Ms. Skelling interjected. “Or, more precisely, you did think … but only about yourself. Really, Madison, what is the first thing you learned about people who’ve been drinking? They can’t be expected to make responsible decisions. That’s what you’re supposed to do for them. If Lucy didn’t get to her house, it’s probably because she made an irresponsible decision to go somewhere else.”

“Or someone abducted her,” Dave reminded everyone.

“Nobody abducted her,” Courtney said irritably.

“How do you know?”

“Because this is Soundview, Dave.” Courtney may have sounded just a little bit haughty, but she actually reflected the way most of us felt. Our parents had moved here for the excellent schools, and because it was safe and secure. The worst crimes were usually DWIs and, now and then, a break in.

Besides, to kidnap or abduct someone, you had to know where they’d be so you could lie in wait for them. Lucy’s call to Safe Rides didn’t come in until after two thirty. The only people who could have known where she was going were a few at the party.

And the people in this room …

But before I had time to think about that, Ms. Skelling turned on me again. “I think it’s important for you to understand the gravity of what you’ve done, Madison. You know I don’t like to single people out, but honestly, you’ve jeopardized the whole purpose of this group. Who’s going to call a service that lost someone? And why are we in this spot? Because you, my dear, selfishly put your need for sleep ahead of someone else’s safety.”

I wasn’t sure what hurt more, the harshness of her criticism or the fact that no one in the group came to my defense. In particular, I felt let down by Tyler, who was—at least in some part—responsible, too.

The meeting ended. Usually I left with Courtney, but she popped up and exited the room before I had a chance to join her. Instead, I found myself leaving the lab at the same time as Tyler. Walking beside him in the noisy, crowded hall, I had mixed feelings. Part of me hoped we might pick up where we’d left off early Sunday morning, when he’d said he thought I was pretty nice. But another part was still feeling humiliated by what Ms. Skelling had just said. Meanwhile Tyler hardly looked at me as we walked down the hall.

“Listen, this isn’t an excuse,” I said, “but I have to believe that we’re not the first crew who ever left someone before they got into their house.”

Tyler glanced briefly at me and kept walking. Part of me wanted to turn away in another direction, but another part of me yearned to hear him reply. Besides, I couldn’t quite believe he’d be so rude that he wouldn’t answer.

Just when I concluded that he was ignoring me, he suddenly stopped and turned to me. Why did I find his gaze so unsettling? Was it his dark hair and eyes? His confidence? I felt goose bumps rise on my skin, and a singular thought burst into my head. I didn’t want him to talk. I wanted him to scoop me into his arms and kiss me. Right there in the hall. In front of everyone. I didn’t care. I wanted to feel his arms around me. I wanted to be enveloped in his intensity.

Instead he said, “Things like this happen for a reason.”

It felt like I’d been in a hot shower that had suddenly turned freezing cold. “What does that mean?”

“Just what I said.”

I stared at him, not comprehending. Maybe I wasn’t able to comprehend because part of me was still in that fantasy where he took me in his arms. Tyler frowned and then continued on, leaving me staring, perplexed, at the back of his long black coat.

chapter 6

Tuesday 4:43 P.M.

Poor Lucy, look at you, shivering and dirty. Thirsty, you say? Yes, we imagine you would be. Feels terrible, doesn’t it? You’d give anything for a drink of cool clear water right now, wouldn’t you? Just think of that fresh water. Imagine how good it will feel going down your parched throat. Yes, we have it right here. All the water you can drink. All you have to do is beg. Sorry? Is this degrading? Really? But just think of how degraded you’ve made others feel. Never thought about that, did you? All the pain and misery you caused. You say you realize it now? We’re proud of you, Lucy. What? The water? Did we really say you could have all the water you wanted? Silly us. Sorry, you’re not getting any.

* * *

“WHAT DO YOU want to do on Thursday?” Sharon asked Laurie as they walked home after field-hockey practice on Tuesday afternoon. The day had started sunny but turned gray and cold. Both girls wore sweats and hoodies with their hands jammed into the pockets.

“I don’t know,” Laurie answered.

No surprise, Sharon thought. Laurie never knew what she wanted to do. She never made suggestions, or had a plan. She was like clay, willing to be molded into anything you wanted.

“Well, what do you think you want to do?” Sharon asked.

“I don’t know.”

Sharon sighed irritably. Could anyone really be such a total blank? “Do you want to go to the movies? Or the mall? Or stay home and watch TV?” “Any of them is fine,” Laurie answered with a smile.

“I think we should go to the movies,” Sharon said. “And let’s go out to eat first. What do you want to eat?” “I don’t care.”

“Pizza or Chinese?”

“You decide.”

“Why can’t you ever decide?” “I don’t know. You’re the one who always likes to decide.” “Just for once, I want you to decide.” “But I don’t care.”

“How can you not care?” Sharon asked.

“I just don’t, okay? It’s not that important to me. It seems way more important to you, so you decide.” Sharon wanted to scream … or hit her. Why, of all the girls in the world, had she gotten stuck with such a wuss? Why couldn’t she have met someone … anyone else? But that was the problem with a place like Soundview. There were just the two of them. And if there was anyone else, she was either in deep denial or deep in the closet. So for now Sharon was stuck with this one. But not for much longer. She was counting the days. As soon as high school was over, she was off to San Francisco and a whole new life.

“Okay,” she said, “pizza and then the movies.” “Fine,” said Laurie.

“There’s that new Claw movie,” Sharon said. “It’s supposed to be really scary.” “Okay.”

“But there’s also that comedy? The one about the guy who has to hide out in the all-girl school?” “Sounds good.”

“So which one do you want to see?” “Either one.”

“Don’t you ever have an opinion about anything?” Sharon asked, exasperated.