“I rather like it, “ I said.
The Auditor glanced over at me again, and for the second time I read his eyes. The message hadn’t changed. I was still in trouble.
“We’re almost there,” he said.
The car slowed and came to an easy stop before a huge white building, and we got out.
Da Campo held back and spoke to the Auditor again in tones that indicated he wanted to leave.
“It will only take a short time. We need your statement, “ the Auditor told him, motioning him out of the car.
We walked up the Wide, resilient steps.
After a wearying progression through the stages of red tape, statements, personnel, and official procedure which reminded me strongly of Earth, we came to an office that seemed to be the end of the road.
Da Campo was uneasy and kept damning me With his eyes when he wasn’t looking at his watch.
We were ushered in, and the Auditor saluted the pale-faced man behind the desk. “The Head Auditor,” said the blue-uniformed man, and left us. I noticed that the official had grey eyes, like Da Campo and the Auditor. Was that a dominant on Drexwill?
“Sit down, won’t you?” he said, amiably enough.
Da Campo blurted, “I really must be going. I’m quite late for my work and if you don’t mind I’d like to—” “
I was grateful they were speaking English.
The Head Auditor crossed long arms and glared at Da Campo across the desk.
“You know you’re partially to fault here.”
Da Campo was indignant. “Why—why—what do you mean? I gave him a perfectly logical story, but he had to go and stumble into the Suburb Depot. That wasn’t my—”
“Quiet! We leave you commuters pretty much alone. It’s your lives and we try not to meddle. But there are certain regulations we have to keep enforced or the entire system will break down.
“You knew you weren’t to grow any native plants out there. We warned you enough times so that it should have made an impression. Then to boot, you became a recluse out there. We ask you to make certain advances to your neighbors, strictly for purposes of keeping things on a level But you wouldn’t even go shopping!”
Da Campo started to protest, but the Head Auditor snapped his fingers sharply, causing the man to fall silent. “We checked your supply requisitions through Food Central, and we were going to drop you a memo on it, but we didn’t get to it in time.”
The pale-faced man tapped his fingers on the desk. “Now if we have any more trouble out of you, Helgorth, we’re going to yank your Suburb Ticket and get you and your wife back into one of the Community Towers. Is that clear?”
Da Campo, suitably cowed, merely nodded.
I thought of the fantastic system they had devised. All Earth turned into a suburban development. Lord! It was fantastic, yet so simple and so obvious when I thought about it, my opinion of these people went up more and more. This explained all sorts of things I’d wondered about: hermits, bus lines that went nowhere, people disappearing.
“All right, you can go,” I heard the Head Auditor say.
Da Campo got up to leave, and I turned to watch him. “So long, Da Campo, see you at home tonight, “ I said.
He looked at me strangely. The message hadn’t altered. “So long, Weiler. I hope so.” he said, and was gone. I half-knew what he meant.
They weren’t going to let me go back. That would be foolish. I knew too much. Strangely. I felt no fear. “You see our predicament, don’t you?” asked the Head Auditor, and I swung back to look at him. I must have looked at him in amazement, because he added, “I couldn’t help knowing w»at you were thinking.” I nodded, reaching for a way to say what I wanted to say.
“We can’t let you go back.”
“Fine,” I smiled a bit too eagerly. “Let me stay. I’d like to stay here. You can’t imagine how fascinated I am by your planet.”
And it was then, right in that instant, that I recognized the truth in what I’d said. I hated Earth.
I hated the nine-to-five drudgery of the closed office and the boring men and women with whom I did business.
I despised my wife, who wanted More. And Better. And More Expensive. I realized bow I’d been fooled by her flippant and sometimes affectionate attitude. I was a faceless thing to her. A goddam man in a grey flannel suit. I despised the trains and the vacuum cleaners and the routine. I despised the lousy treadmill!
I loathed, detested, despised, abhorred, abominated and in all
“I don’t
The Head Auditor was shaking his auditing head. “Why not?” I asked, confused.
“Look, we’re overpopulated now! Why do you think we use the Suburbs out there? There isn’t room here for anyone like you. We have enough non-working bums on our hands without you. Just because you stumbled into one of our Depots, don’t assume we owe you anything. Because we don’t.
“No, I’m afraid we’ll have to—er—dispense with you, Mr. Weiler. We’re not unpleasant people, but there is a point where we must stand and say. ‘No morel’ I’m sorry.’. He started to push a button.
I went white. I could feel myself going white.
So I talked. I talked him away from that button, because I suppose he had a wife and children and didn’t really like killing people. And I talked him away from the killing angle entirely. And I talked and talked and talked till my throat was dry and he threw up his hand and said…
“All right, all right,
Expect to go back? Not on your life!
Then he shooed me out of the office, and I set about making a place for myself in this world I’d never made. Well, I’ve done pretty decently. I’m happy, I have my own apartment, and I have a good job. They’ve said I can stay.
I didn’t realize it, an those years, how much I hated the rush, rush, rush, the getting to the office and poring over those lousy briefs, the quiet nagging of Charlotte about things like the ashtrays, the constant bill collectors, the keeping up with the Joneses.
