Ribbons Not Included

have told him, but I wasn’t ready.

Running his palm down his face, then rubbing his shoulder, Christian certainly didn’t look encouraging. He didn’t say a thing.

“You wanted variation. You said something adventurous, so I did that. Did I do something wrong?” The silence made my stomach roil and the thrill disappear. I crossed my arms over my abdomen. “Talk to me, Christian. Let’s not do this again. We need to talk.”

“You really want me to talk?” He faced me, sharing his dismay and disappointment. “Will you listen?”

I nodded.

“It’s not that I don’t want a baby,” he said, lowering his gaze and taking an audible breath. “It’s that I don’t want to lose us in the process. Sometimes I feel like nothing more than a stud horse, here to perform when the test says I should.”

“But-”

“No buts,” he interrupted. “That is how I feel. You asked, so listen and don’t try to justify what has been going on.”

I’d never thought of him that way. Had I?

No. I loved him. He was my world. Each and every time he touched me, I went up in flames. Sharing a total of ten years together had not put a damper on the way I felt about or reacted to him. I was simply working on what we both wanted. He was the one who had originally suggested that the moment was right to start a family.

“The only time you want to be together is when the test says it’s okay.” His gaze narrowed as he rubbed his fingers over his knuckles. “I don’t know what to think anymore? Have we already lost each other? It’s not the variety that’s the real problem. It’s the stud horse issue.”

The heaviness on my chest made it impossible to inhale, so I rolled my lips tightly, scraping my teeth over the bottom one till it hurt. My heart broke, and I whimpered in pain.

How could he think those things?

“I love you,” I whispered, unable to stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks.

He cupped my chin and wiped his thumb over the moisture. “I love you more,” he said, brushing his lips across my mouth. “And there is no way in hell that I’m going to let what we have fizzle out. You need to get used to the idea, and you need to trust me and in our future. Our relationship will grow and become a greater part of us with each day that passes.”

Resting my forehead on his shoulder, I agreed. The baby would come when the time was right. Neither one of us had issues in that department. The doctor had confirmed that little detail. We needed to make sure that we were good with each other and that we didn’t forget why we were together in the first place. Christian and I were a WE.

We loved each other. We’d play hard and laugh each day. We’d grow old together and enjoy the journey. That was our original plan and that was what I had to focus on.

“I’ll be done in a few minutes. Meet you in the kitchen.” Kissing the top of my head, he rose to his feet.

I sighed my relief that he hadn’t removed the lingerie and noticed Super Spermy. It was dark last night and thankfully he hadn’t seen it. I’d scrub it off before I made him feel worse. My tramp stamp was a thing of the past.

* * * *

Ally waved across the crowded dining room, beaming with joy. She had news to share and she was bursting to tell me about it. A quick hug and a flurry of kisses later, she took my hand and offered me the chair next to hers.

“I’ve met the man of my dreams,” she blurted out. “He is to die for.”

“Hold on, hold on,” I said, cautiously broaching the subject. Ally was bouncing back from a divorce and she was susceptible to being taken for a ride. “Start at the beginning and tell me where, who, and how.”

Zane had bumped into Ally on the Friday after Thanksgiving at the mall. Being crowded, like it always is on Black Friday, they shared a table at the food court. The rest was history as they say in the land of romance.

“I’m happy for you,” I said, squeezing her hand. “When do I get to meet him?”

“He’ll be back by Christmas day. Dinner?” Ally said, smiling her secret message.

“Good. What should I cook?”

“Zane is a vegetarian. He doesn’t eat meat or chicken. But other than that, he’s easy.” Sitting on her hands, Ally swayed side to side. She never cooked, other than to burn her scrambled eggs. So it was clear that dinner would either be at my house or out on the town. And since the holiday meant impossibly long table waits, I was cooking.

“You’re the best,” she added, grinning real big.

“Yeah, yeah,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders and mimicking her sway. “I can’t wait to meet him. Get back to me with the exact night.” I really couldn’t wait. I hadn’t seen my sister so happy in a long, long time. She practically glowed with excitement.

“Kat?” She placed her hand on mine. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why haven’t you drilled me, yet? You always ask a thousand questions when I meet a man.” Her forehead wrinkled in concern as she swept her thumb over my wrist.

“I don’t have to ask. Your baby blues are twinkling like nuts.” It was obvious how she felt. What I wanted to know was how he felt about her. Ally didn’t pick winners in the past, and I didn’t want to see her get hurt.

“Okay.” She sipped on her straw and eyed me over her glass, assessing the situation in her own logical manner. She may have been a bad judge of character when it came to her men, but nothing got past her when it came to me. “Tell me about that far away look in your eyes. Did you have a rough night?”

“Yeah, but not in a bad way.” The sigh that escaped my lips was an accident. I didn’t mean to concern her more. “The night was great. Didn’t get much sleep, though.”

“Oh, did you wear the new lingerie?”

I nodded. “New teddy, different location, funky positions, and even some spanking-”

Gagging on her Diet Coke, Ally covered her mouth with her right hand and raised her left palm out to me. “TMI, sis. TMI.”

“What?”

I rarely spoke about my sex life, but she’d never had a problem sharing. She couldn’t take offense. No way.

“Spanking changes the rules.” She covered her ears and shook her head. “I don’t need all the details about an old married couple’s night activities.”

“That’s the problem.” My voice cracked and I needed a moment to compose myself. “Christian wants to spice things up. He says things are good, but he’s scared we’re going to settle into a stale routine if we don’t vary things a little.”

“That isn’t a problem.” She waved her hand at the air and swatted away my distress. “We buy more lingerie, pick up a good read or two, maybe a video, and if you’re willing, go for a waxing. He won’t know what hit him.”

“There’s more,” I admitted and her shoulders drooped. “He wanted variety, so I tried. I tried seducing him in the living room-”

“Ew.” She shivered and shut her eyes. “Please tell me you didn’t do it on the red chair. I love that freaking chair.”

“No. Not the chair.” I didn’t elaborate on where. She didn’t need to squirm when she placed a mug on the coffee table. “Anyways, we had an awesome time. The best in months. But this morning, he told me he felt like a stud horse and implied that I was only being physical to conceive. As if I don’t care about or love him.”

Ally let out a loud breath and rubbed her temples. Her lips twisted in dismay as she looked everywhere but at me. After a long time, she stretched her arms behind her neck, lifted her long brown hair, and met my gaze.

“You’re obsessed with getting pregnant,” she said.

“No,” I objected. “I mean, it’s important to me, but I’m not obse-” Damn, I sucked at lying. My cheeks were flaming and I could barely put two words together. “Yeah, I guess I’m obsessed.”