Chapter 42
STEVEN LAY IN UNCLE BILLY’S BED AND WATCHED HIS GRANDmother knit.
They had moved him in here so he could rest without Davey bothering him—and so Davey could sleep without Steven’s thrashing, weeping nightmares waking him up and making him grouchy all day.
The curtains were open, making everything strangely bright—even now when rain spat onto the window, blustered there by unseasonal little winds.
The bedroom looked wholly different from the bed. With his feet swelling the end of Uncle Billy’s blue duvet, it suddenly looked like a normal boy’s bedroom—as if a spell had been broken. Steven felt oddly at peace here, strangely completed.
The Lego space station had been pushed under the bed to allow the regular passage of feet bringing books, tepid soup, and Lucozade.
The photo of Billy had been pushed to the back of the bedside table, which now held an array of Steven- related items: half a dozen pill bottles, a glass with a bendy straw, a box of Milk Tray that Davey was assiduously working his way through, and a slew of get-well cards.
There was another Steven-related thing in the room now that only he knew about. At night—after his mother and his nan and Davey had all looked in on their way to bed—Steven would roll carefully onto his side and use the point of a compass to carve his name deeply into the wall behind the bed. He knew it was a bad thing to do on one level—and Lettie would be angry when she found it. But on another level he never wanted to venture out of this house—or any house—again without leaving some clue that he had once existed and that he understood the transitory nature of life.
Everybody should make his mark.
Steven let his mind drift to his most recent missive—contained in a card showing a flowerpot, a spade, and gardening gloves.
He had badly wanted to write “Love from” but finally didn’t. He didn’t want to scare Uncle Jude. He didn’t want to scare himself.
Now that Lettie had posted the card for him and it was too late, he wished he had.
But it would have to do. It would have to be good enough.
He sighed and looked away from the sky.
Nan knitted slowly in the chair at the end of the bed. Her fingers were gnarled and knotty and she stopped often to flex them. Steven blinked but said nothing.
She’d insisted. She was putting new feet on his best socks. Before she’d even left hospital she’d demanded Lettie bring the socks in, and painstakingly unpicked the old, ragged feet until by the time she came home—with new angina pills—the socks were just ankle-tubes with a lacy fringe of little loops around the bottoms.
“What color do you want?” she’d asked.
Steven had leaned back into Billy’s pillow with thought, and seen the Manchester City scarf over his head.
“Sky blue,” he’d answered.
Steven was living on the settee by the time Nan pressed the socks. She wouldn’t let him help with the ironing board, setting it up in the bay of the window where she used to stand, and placing a crinkled brown paper bag over the socks, to keep the wool from getting shiny.
Across the street, Steven could see the hoodies huddled, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched, and hoods shading their faces from the bright sunlight that had found its way back to Exmoor. They shuffled quietly and stared at the house but didn’t approach. Steven thought they probably wouldn’t ever again.
Things had changed.
Lewis had told him how they’d all come up the hill. The men running, Lettie keeping up with them in racing panic in her bathrobe and half-tied trainers—and his nan rolling and panting behind, the shopping trolley bouncing over the heather, keeping her upright when she should have fallen a dozen times, gripping Lewis’s sturdy biceps until he bruised.
Lewis’s dad had been the first to reach Steven and Arnold Avery, but Lewis’s account of what happened next was uncharacteristically sketchy. He would only say the men had dragged Avery off Steven, and then his eyes would slide away and he’d get all unsure about quite what happened next, although Steven had already heard snatched whispers of Lewis’s dad being questioned and released by the police without being charged, and of Lewis’s dad never having to buy another drink in the Red Lion.
Then Lewis’s memory would reassert itself about how Nan had seen Steven lying there with a pale green cardigan wrenched tight around his neck, and blood running from his eyes like something out of
Steven didn’t care. Lewis deserved the good half of that sandwich.
As his nan’s flaccid arms jiggled over the socks, Steven wondered where the all-terrain wheels were now. It would be nice to have them back. The police had carried them off the moor in bags—along with the smashed and bloodied trolley, his spade, the pale green cardigan, and Arnold Avery.
Unconsciously, Steven touched his throat, which was still swollen and achy and allowed him to eat ice cream and jelly by the ton. Helped by Lewis, of course.
Feeling his throat under his fingers made him shiver, even though the gas fire was on in what was proving to be a warm summer. Touching himself like that made him feel like the killer. The tender skin under his fingers, the strange dips and gristle of his own windpipe, the throb of his vein. The odd, floppy vulnerability of it all. Enough squeeze, enough press, enough cold intent, and it could all collapse and crush so easily.
Steven had thought a lot like the killer in the past two weeks. He’d thought a lot about Blacklands and a lot about Uncle Billy.
And a lot about that patch of white heather.
Avery had been sitting there, waiting for them in the white heather.
He’d forced Steven up the mound and made him kneel in the white heather.
Steven shivered again.
“Cold?” Nan looked at him sharply.
Steven snuggled farther under the duvet she’d carried down from Uncle Billy’s bed for him, and shook his head.
Nan stood the iron on its end on the metal grille and lifted the brown paper bag.
“There,” she said.
Steven sat up and took the socks from her. They were still his old socks but they were as good as new. Better than new.
She watched as he pulled them on and wiggled his Manchester City sky-blue toes.
He looked up at her and suddenly had to bite his lip hard to keep it from getting away from him.
She saw the tears in his still-pink eyes and put a hand on his head, absolving him of the need to speak his thanks.
“Nan?”
“Mm?”
“I think …”
