His Diamond Bride

dropped his head into his hands.

‘Just give me a little time to get used to it,’ he groaned. ‘It’s not the first time. It happened one day at the hospital. You were away for a moment and a nurse looked in with some dressings. I think she was a student, and not used to confronting horrors.’

‘You’re not-’

‘I know what I am. Don’t give me false hope. I’m like this for life and the sooner I accept it the better. If you could have seen that student’s face when she saw me… She went pale.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me about it?’

‘Because there would have been no point. This is the reality. This is what I am now, a man who makes women turn from him in horror.’

Dee was still consumed by anger on his behalf, and it drove her to do something that caution might otherwise have prevented.

‘Not this woman,’ she said, taking his face in her hands and laying her lips on his.

She was inexperienced. Beyond a few brief pecks, she’d known no other kisses but his and they seemed long ago. But now everything in her seemed to be alive with the awareness of his need, telling her how to move her lips against his so that he would know she cared for him, wanted him.

She tried to speak of desire so intense that his terrible scars couldn’t kill it, and for a few moments she thought she’d succeeded. His hands reached for her, touched her tentatively at first, then firmly, eagerly. She could feel him trembling. But then he stiffened, putting his hands on her arms and pushing her gently away.

‘No,’ he said hoarsely. ‘Not this.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she stammered, swamped by shame. ‘I only-’

‘You only thought you’d carry your nursing a bit further, didn’t you? Pity the poor patient, don’t let him suspect how disgusting he is. It’s all part of the cure. Well, I don’t want your pity, do you hear? I don’t want anyone’s pity. I don’t even want my own, and that’s tough because I’m drowning in self-pity and I don’t know how to-’ He shuddered. ‘Oh, to hell with you! Why did you have to do that?’

Thrusting her aside, he stormed to the door, stopped and looked back. ‘Marry that doctor. He’s reliable and respectable. Not like me. And you deserve the best.’

He walked away without giving her a chance to reply and she heard the house door slam as he entered. She didn’t follow him at once, knowing that he needed to be alone.

He’d given her a glimpse of the devastation inside his head, even if against his own will. She’d thought she knew the wells of despair and self-disgust that lived there, but now she knew the depths extended further than her worst nightmares. Everything he said was true. If she was wise, she would turn from him to Mr Royce, who could offer her a new life.

But Mark was still the one she wanted; now more than ever. And her resolution was growing. Once before she had lost him by giving in too easily.

She wouldn’t let it happen again.

On her way to bed that night, Dee stopped outside Mark’s room. Hearing only silence, she opened the door a crack and listened to his deep, even breathing. Finally satisfied, she backed away without a sound.

Inside the room, Mark lay tense until he was certain she’d gone. Only then did he relax, thankful that his breathing had been steady enough to be convincing. After the events of the day, he couldn’t have endured having to face her.

He fought to attain sleep. Once it had been so easy. In his untroubled youth he had only to lay his head on the pillow to be in happy dreamland. But that had been-barely five years ago? He was still in his twenties, technically a young man, but, as with so many of his comrades, the inner and outer man no longer matched.

The feeling of being at ease with life had slipped away from him so gradually that he’d barely noticed, until he found himself lying awake at night, which now happened unbearably often. In the hospital he’d been grateful for the sedation that silenced the demons. He could have taken a pill tonight, but he stubbornly refused. He knew Dee checked them every morning to see if he’d had any, and he was damned if he was going to let her know how desperately he wanted to. She already knew too much of his weakness.

At last he felt sleep coming on, retreating, drawing closer, teasing and tormenting, finally invading him, but only to torment him further. Now he was back in the damaged plane…heading back to the airfield…wondering if he’d make it…seeing the ground coming closer…almost there…then the explosion and the flames!

He fought to slide back the roof of the cockpit, but it was stuck. He couldn’t get out. He was trapped there while the fire consumed him-trapped in hell. He screamed and screamed but no sound came out. Nobody could hear him-he was abandoned.

‘Where are you-where are you-?’

‘I’m here, I’m here. Wake up-wake up!’

Hands were shaking him, touching his face, offering a way out of the nightmare. He reached for her eagerly, blindly.

‘Help me-help me. Where are you?’

Dee saw his eyes open, but vaguely, as though he couldn’t see her. He was shivering.

‘Mark-Mark, talk to me.’ She shook him. ‘Are you awake?’

‘I don’t know,’ he whispered. ‘The fire-the fire-’

‘There’s no fire. That was a long time ago.’

‘No, it wasn’t. It’s here; I can feel it-’

‘No,’ she cried. ‘The fire is in the past. It can’t hurt you now. I’m going to keep you safe. You’re safe with me.’

At last, recognition seemed to creep into his eyes. ‘Is it you?’

‘Yes, it’s me. I’m here and I’ll always be here.’

She felt him sag in her arms as though the life had gone out of him, replaced by black despair. She tightened her embrace, full of fierce protectiveness.

She’d gone to bed, sad at his rejection of the comfort she had to offer, but, just as she was fading into sleep, the air had been rent by terrifying sounds from the next room. She’d dashed next door to find him sitting up in bed, screaming violently into the darkness. She’d sat beside him, taking him in her arms, but that didn’t help. He’d seemed unaware of her, screaming on and on, caught in some terrifying other world where there was only fear and darkness.

She had switched on the bedside lamp, hoping that its light might bring him back to reality, but even when he looked at her she could tell he was still reliving his most ghastly moments, and she was torn by pity and frustration that she couldn’t help him except, perhaps, by being there, letting him feel her presence and draw from it what solace he could. If any.

‘I’m all right now,’ he said bleakly.

Gently, she laid him back on the bed and came closer, propping herself up on one elbow to look down on him.

‘Did I wake you?’ he asked.

‘I heard you being a bit disturbed. It’s not the first time but you sounded more troubled tonight than ever before. Were you dreaming about the fire?’

‘Not dreaming. Living. It was there all around me and I couldn’t escape. I was so scared, I screamed. Isn’t that funny?’

‘I don’t think it’s funny at all,’ she said tenderly.

‘But it is. It’s the biggest laugh of all time. I used to think I was so strong. I was a cocky, conceited so-and-so, but I know better now. Just a coward, screaming with fear.’

‘You’re not a coward,’ she said fiercely. ‘Any man would have nightmares after what you’ve been through.’

‘I told myself that at first, but they go on and on and I don’t know what to do. I’ll tell you something that will really make you despise me-’ He checked himself.

‘Don’t say anything you don’t want to,’ she told him.

‘No, you’re entitled to know the worst of me. When they said I couldn’t go back to the Air Force…I was…I was glad. Do you hear that? I was glad. Oh, I said all the right things about being sorry I couldn’t serve my country, but