‘There’s a whole lot of things I’d never seen myself as,’ he said bitterly. ‘A prince. A swimming master-’
‘A husband?’
‘The kids think it’s real,’ he burst out, and there was surely the nub of the matter. If no one thought it was real, he wouldn’t have to pretend. It was the pretence that was driving him crazy-wasn’t it?
‘They do,’ she said softly. ‘Do you mind?’
‘I… No. Only if you do,’ he managed. ‘It’ll make it harder at the end of the year.’
‘Alastair, let’s worry about the end of the year at the end of the year. For now…this is the honeymoon of my dreams. The holiday of my dreams. I’ve learned to swim five strokes. I’m here with my sisters and brother-and with you. I couldn’t be any happier if I tried.’
He could be. He could be a whole lot happier. All he had to do was shift these damned cushions!
He had to stay formal. Somehow. ‘I’m glad you’re having a good time.’
‘I’m having a wonderful time.’ And then, before he knew what she was about, she slipped her hand under the pillows and found his hand. Her fingers were warm and sure as she pulled his hand toward her, and then she raised his hand to her lips and gently kissed his fingertips.
It was a gesture of thanks. Nothing more. Wasn’t it?
‘This is magic,’ she said softly. ‘A magic day. A magic prince.’
‘It’ll end.’ He somehow managed to haul his hand away, and it nearly tore him apart to do it. His voice came out as a sort of strangled croak. ‘After all, Cinderella had her midnight to contend with. Your midnight is just taking a while longer to come.’
‘I won’t forget.’ Her voice was suddenly serious, but she was still whispering into the dark. The sensation was unutterably intimate. ‘Alastair, why are you so afraid of commitment?’
‘I’m not.’
‘You are.’ He heard her smile in her voice. ‘You’re just a great big chicken.’
He drew in his breath. How to answer that one?
With the truth. ‘I’d rather be a chicken than a squashed hen.’
‘There’s a brave prince.’ She chuckled. ‘Is that your royal creed? “He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day.’”
‘It has a whole lot going for it.’ It was surreal. Lying in the dark, talking to her as if nothing was between them.
Only these damned cushions!
‘Seriously, though…’
‘Seriously what?’
‘Why don’t you let yourself love…Belle?’
Because I’ve never been the least bit tempted to love Belle, he thought, but he didn’t say it. Whereas you…
But he had to give her a reasonable answer. An answer he thought was the truth. ‘I’ve told you before. I don’t do love.’
‘Because you might get hurt?’ Her voice was carefully neutral.
‘Because I
‘So…’ She’d forgotten to whisper. Her voice was curious now. Nothing more. ‘So when you’re designing buildings, you’re planning on them lasting a thousand years?’ she asked.
‘Like your fences?’ He smiled into the dark. ‘Nope. You’re the master builder in that direction.’
‘So how long would a building of yours last-on average, say?’
He didn’t understand what she was getting at. ‘I’d like to think a hundred years.’ He shrugged. ‘But probably only forty. Maybe less.’
‘But you still think it’s worthwhile building them.’
Damn. He’d walked straight into her trap. And the cushions weren’t high enough!
‘Buildings are different,’ he managed.
‘I imagine they are,’ she said softly. ‘Different to relationships. But in some ways they’re the same. If they only last for forty years they can still be incredibly wonderful while they last.’ She frowned then, and he heard the frown in the dark. He was starting to know her so well…
‘You lost Lissa,’ she said gently. ‘You said she was your best friend. Today you told me about teaching her to swim when you were kids. If you had your time again, would you choose not to have that time with her? Because she might die?’
‘That’s none of your business.’ She was cutting too close to the bone here.
‘I’m just interested.’
‘Well, stop being interested. Go to sleep.’
Ha! That was a good one. How could they possibly sleep?
‘I don’t think you’re being fair on Belle-that’s all.’ She was still probing, right where it hurt most. ‘I think marriage is all about loving someone to bits.’
‘Like your father’s and mother’s marriage?’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘Isn’t it?’
‘At least they took a chance,’ she said, and now she sounded angry. ‘At least they tried. They didn’t lock themselves up in some antiseptic world in case the big bad love-bug bit them so hard it hurt. So, yes, they loved and, yes, it did hurt. My mother made a bad marriage but she had four kids and she had a life. And she loved my dad to bits, even if he was a loser. She loved him and even when she knew she was dying, I suspect she never regretted a thing.’
‘Apart from leaving you all.’
‘We had her,’ Penny-Rose said strongly. ‘We had her for enough time to love her and be proud to be her kids. Even Michael has the stories we tell about her, and the knowledge that he was loved. You think we’d abandon that love or not embrace it in the first place because we knew she’d die? If you do, then you don’t know what way your head is screwed on, Alastair de Castaliae.’
‘Oh, for heaven’s sake…’
‘There’s no “for heaven’s sake” about it. You loved Lissa. You should try loving Belle.’
‘I can’t love Belle.’
There. He’d said it. It hung between them, almost as big a barrier as the cushions.
‘Then don’t marry her.’
‘I’m married to you.’
‘No, you’re not,’ she said reasonably. ‘You can’t be married to someone when there’s two feet of cushions between them. That someone refuses to be married on that basis. This is pretend, Alastair.’
‘I… Yes.’
‘But you and Belle aren’t pretending.’
‘We don’t need to,’ he said, exasperated. ‘It’s a business arrangement.’
‘But…’ She reflected on this for a moment. ‘You’re not paying her.’
‘No.’
‘And you’re intending to have kids?’
‘Maybe. Yes! I’ll need an heir.’
‘Poor little heir,’ she said softly. ‘I hope Marguerite loves it enough for all of you.’
‘I’ll love it.’
‘No.’ Penny-Rose shook her head, and anger vibrated harshly in her voice. ‘How can you? Because that’s commitment, too. That’s risking your precious independence, and you don’t want that.’
‘Rose…’
‘It’s Penny-Rose. And what?’ she said crossly.
‘Can we go to sleep?’
‘How can I go to sleep?’ she demanded. ‘How can I sleep when I’ve had such a wonderful, wonderful day, and I’ve learned to swim and I’ve seen dolphins and I’m now lying in bed wide awake beside the most gorgeous man I’ve ever met and…and you expect me to sleep?’
