Carefully he slipped the edge of his penknife under the flap of the first envelope. The letter was in a young, feminine hand and seemed to have been written in some haste, as if interruption were feared.
19 Bethlehem Road 28th April 1871 My dearest Lizzie,
I have tried every art or plea I know, but it is no use, Garnet is adamant. He will not even listen to me. Every time I mention the Church he forbids me to speak. Three times in the last two days he has sent me to my room until I should come to my senses and leave the subject alone, forget it forever.
But how can I? I know no other such sweetness or truth on the face of the world! I have gone over everything I have heard the Brethren say, over and over it in my mind, and I find no fault in it. Surely some of it seemed strange at first, and far from what I had been raised to believe, but when I consider it in light of what my heart tells me, it all seems so very right and just.
I hope I may prevail upon him; he is a good and just man, and only desires what is right for me. I know from all my past both as his betrothed and as his wife that he desires to protect and care for me and guard me from all ill.
Pray for me, Lizzie, that I shall find the words to soften his heart so he will permit me to come again to the Church and share the sweet companionship of my Sisters and receive some instruction in the true teachings of the Saviour of All Mankind,
Your dearest friend, Naomi Royce 293
The next letter was dated a week later.
Dearest Lizzie,
I hardly know how to begin! My husband and I have had the most dreadful disagreement. He has forbidden me ever to go to Church again, nor even to speak of the Gospel in the house. I must not mention the teachings or anything to do with the Brethren to him, nor try to explain to him why I know the Church is true, nor what makes me feel so.
I know it is hard for him! I do know it, believe me. I also was raised in the orthodox faith and believed it until I was eighteen years of age, when I began to find some of its doctrines did not answer the questions that cried out in my heart.
If God is such a holy and marvelous being as we are told-and I believe He is-and if He is our Father, as we are all taught, then how is it that we are such flawed creatures with no hope of growth, mere spiritual children, pygmies of such deformity of soul? I cannot believe it! I do not! There is endless hope for us, if only we will strive harder, learn who we are and stand upright, learn every good thing, seek after knowledge and wisdom, with the humility to let ourselves be taught. Then by the grace of Our Lord we shall become, in time, worthy to be called His children.
Garnet says I blaspheme, and he has ordered me to repent of it, and accompany him to a 'proper' church every Sunday, as is my duty to God, to society, and to him.
I cannot! Lizzie, how can I deny the truth I know? Yet he will not listen to me. Pray for me that I may have courage, Lizzie!
May the Lord bless you and keep you,
Your dear friend, Naomi Royce 294
The third letter had been written only three days after the second.
Dearest Lizzie,
It is Sunday, and Garnet has gone to his church. I am sitting in my room and the door is locked-from the outside. He has said that if I will not go to his 'proper' church, as a Christian woman should, then I shall go nowhere else.
I must be content with that. If I cannot have my freedom to choose where and how I shall worship God, as we believe all human creatures should, then I shall remain'here. I am resolved. I shall not go to his church, nor forswear my own conscience.
Elsie, my maid, is very good to me and brings my meals to my room. I don't know what I should do without her- she came with me when I was married, and seems to have no fear of Garnet. I know she will post this letter. I will have but three postage stamps left after I send this; after that Elsie has sworn she will evade the butler's eyes and deliver personally such letters as I write to you.
I hope next time I write I shall have better news.
