Wild Child

“I can’t!” he repeats angrily, his face the twisted mask of a tortured soul.

“Why?” I rail back.

“Because I can’t let you go.  I love you too much!”

My heart stops for just an instant, torn between elation and devastation.  But I can’t afford to hang on to the elation.  The devastation to follow might well be the end of me.

“You can’t tell me that today. You don’t get to do this to me today.  I’ve lost everything.  Everything.  You can’t come back into my life and then leave me again, you bastard,” I cry, thumping my fists against his chest.  “You don’t get to do this to me today.  You don’t get to…do…this…” My words are choked out by the sobs I can no longer contain.  Suddenly devoid of the ability to stay upright, I crumble into the mud, held vertical only by the grip of Rusty’s hands on my upper arms.

“Jenna, please,” he whispers, trying once more to pull me to his chest with his good arm.  This time I let him, the will to fight having drained right out of me with the first few sobs.  “Let me help you.  Just give me this one day and I’ll go.  Just this one.  Please, Jenna.”  In his pause, I feel a sigh expand his lungs.  “Please.”

Finally, exhausted, I melt into Rusty.  On our knees, in the rain, in the mud, I bury my face in his neck and I cry.  From my soul, I cry.  Every sob feels as though it’s torn from me, ripped viciously from a place that should never be touched so cruelly.  And I’m left, alive but only physically, with nothing but gaping wounds and gushing blood that no one else can see.

When I’m so hoarse my sobs are nothing more than croaks and I’m so spent my tears give way to the rain, somehow, with only one fully-functional arm, Rusty gently cradles me against him, stands to his feet and carries me away from the orchard.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR- Rusty

I carry Jenna toward the front door of her house, thinking only of getting her out of the rain.  I barely hear it when she speaks softly into my ear.  “Anywhere but there. I can’t go back in there.”

“Okay,” I tell her, detouring toward my mother’s car.  I manage to get her into the passenger seat and start the engine, but then I draw a blank.  Where can I take her?

Only one place comes to mind.  The one place she’d feel best, I think.

Cami’s.

I drive cautiously. It’s a little unnerving for my first time back behind the wheel of a car to be in the rain, in an unfamiliar car, with a grieving Jenna in the seat beside me.  Oh, and with my right arm in a cast.  Hell, I don’t think conditions could be much worse.

We finally make it to Cami’s.  I park and walk around to the passenger side door. I open it and lean down to scoop up Jenna, not giving her any choice other than to let me carry her again. I feel like I need to carry her.  Maybe more than she needs for me to.

Once she’s in my arms, I realize she wouldn’t have argued anyway.  She’s asleep.  I’m not sure that’s a good thing.

I hurry to the door and ring the bell. Trick answers within a few seconds.  “What the—” He frowns in confusion as he looks from me to Jenna, to her legs folded over my casted arm and then back again.

“Can I borrow your bedroom downstairs?” I ask quietly.

“Sure,” he says without hesitation, opening the door wider so we can pass.

He doesn’t ask questions, which I appreciate.  It’s a guy thing.

I’m making my way through the kitchen when Cami appears in the doorway.

“Ohmigod, what happened?” she asks, rushing toward me, her eyes on Jenna.

“Shhh,” I caution.  “She’s okay.  Just let me take her downstairs and I’ll come back up so I can explain.”

“No! You can tell me now. Is she okay?  What hap—”

“Cami!”  I snap, interrupting her.  When she snaps her mouth shut and looks at me, I add.  “Please.”

Cami’s violet eyes bore holes into mine as she narrows them on me.  She says nothing for a few seconds. I’m sure she’s debating the wisdom of leaving her best friend in my care when I’ve been such an asshole.  But she relents.

“Okay, but you come straight back up here,” she hisses.

I nod and continue on to the stairs that lead to the basement.  I hit the light switch with my elbow and descend the steps into the cool quiet of the lower level.

I stop on the landing at the bottom.  The light from the stairwell only penetrates the dimness a few inches in every direction. When I step out into the darkness, it’s somehow like stepping into blessed peace.  The light has shown me too much trouble lately. I could use some darkness. Darkness where there’s only me and Jenna.  And maybe one more chance for me to not screw it up.

From memory, I carry her to the guest suite Trick and Cami set up down here.  I can barely make out the bed in the dying daylight seeping through the tiny window at the top of one wall.  I head for it and lay her gently on the soft, pillowy top.  She stirs very little.

I bend and press my lips to her forehead. I don’t know if she even has a clue she’s in the world right now, but I speak to her anyway. Just in case.

“Rest, Jenna.  I’ll be right back. I promise,” I whisper.  She doesn’t respond.  A few seconds later, she rolls onto her side and I hear her breathing become deep and even.  “I’ll be here every time you open your eyes.  I swear it,” I say.  This time, it’s more for my benefit than hers.

I make my way back upstairs.  Cami’s waiting on the top step, arms crossed over her chest, hell in her eyes.

“Dammit, Rusty, what is wrong with her?  What did you do?”

“Keep your voice down,” I tell her.  “I didn’t do anything to her.  Her father was killed in an accident at the orchard today.”

Cami’s gasp is followed by her hands covering her mouth and her eyes filling with tears.    “Oh my God!  Oh my God!  Poor Jenna!”  She closes her eyes and slides her hands up to cover her whole face.  Trick comes around from behind me to pull her into his arms.  I give them a few minutes, minutes for Trick to comfort Cami and for Cami to collect herself. She’s known Jenna’s dad for years.  No doubt she feels some sense of pain and loss, too, not to mention the sympathy for her best friend.

When she uncovers her face and wipes her eyes, I continue.  “Mom was down in the ER and she came and told me right away.  Jenna had already left the hospital, so I went to her house. I found her out in the rain.  She didn’t want to go back inside, so I brought her here.”

“I’m glad you did,” Cami says, kindness back in her eyes.  “I’ll take care of her.  I’m sure you need to rest.  You’re not even supposed to be out of the hospital yet, are you?”

“I’m fine.  And I’ll stay with her tonight, if you don’t mind.”

“You really don’t need to do that. I’ll make sure she knows—”

“No offense, Cami, but it’s not a request.  I’m staying. Or I’m taking her with me when I leave.”

Cami eyes me suspiciously, but again, she relents.  “Okay, okay.  Can I at least go see her?”

“I’ll come get you when she wakes up, but I want to be there when she does.”

Cami nods, possibly in approval. I can’t be sure.  “Fair enough.”

She looks from me to Trick, and then turns and walks slowly back toward the living room. I know she doesn’t like it, but at least she recognizes that I’m not budging on this.  She can take it or leave it. Her choice.  She chose to take it.

Smart girl.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE- Jenna