keep from falling. All the blood drained from my head and I suddenly felt weak.
“I told him that you told me, Mom, and Dad the same thing, but regardless of what you said to us, it was obvious you were sad.”
My eyes twitched with frustration.
“You were. You can stare daggers at me all you want but it doesn’t change the truth. When Zach left you, you were miserable. You moped around. You spent your nights sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. You cancelled plans with Sadie, so you wouldn’t miss his call.”
“So?”
“Liz, come on. Let’s be real here. You were wasting your life. It’s not like I told Zach to break up with you. I just let him know what I noticed. He said he loved you and the last thing he wanted was to break up with you.”
“For months you watched me cry my eyes out, and you didn’t think it was important to share this information? You could have saved me from the torture I put myself through,” I said, tears stinging at my eyes again.
“I didn’t say anything because you needed to get over him on your own. If I had told you this back then, what would you have done?” He stared at me, waiting for an answer. I didn’t give him one. “You would have called Zach and told him I was lying and it wasn’t true, and you would have roped the both of you back into a relationship that at that point in time was pointless. You were kids. You had no way of seeing each other. It was the best thing.”
“I’m glad you thought so,” I snapped.
“Liz, if Zach had never moved back, would this even be an issue?”
Would it? It was a reasonable question. It was the answer I didn’t like. Because no, it wouldn’t have been an issue. I had been over Zach, and if I hadn’t seen him again those old feelings may never have surfaced. As much as I wanted to hate Josh for lying to me, I couldn’t. Whether I wanted to believe it or not, he had done the right thing. He’d been protecting me.
“It wouldn’t be,” Josh said. “But Liz, he is back. And it’s up to you if you want to give him a second chance.” Josh took another cookie from the plate. “I’m gonna go to bed. Thanks for the cookies. I’ve missed them.”
“And I’ve missed our talks,” I said with a smile, so he knew I wasn’t going to hold this new revelation against him. “’Night.”
Five batches later, I could barely keep my eyes open. I went to sleep thinking about everything Josh told me and everything that happened over the past year, especially the past two months. By the time I woke up, I still had no clue what I wanted.
I moved in slow motion as I got ready. I hadn’t talked to Joe since Monday at school and with everything I felt about Zach, I didn’t know how to proceed. Zach was another problem. What would I say to him? How would I act?
I had no idea.
I called Joe again but he was nowhere to be found. It was bad enough he never called me back, especially knowing my brother could have been in danger, but not making any attempt at all to find me? That was inexcusable.
I walked down the hallway of the English building to class, hoping Zach would be there, but not knowing what I would say if he was.
Too busy scanning the faces around me for Zach, I didn’t notice the one right in front of me until I almost took her down.
“Whoa.” Tanya said, holding her hands up.
“I’m sorry, Tanya. I wasn’t paying attention.” Seeing her was like a smack to the face. I was jealous of her. She was beautiful and confident. She wasn’t scared to hold back her feelings. She liked Zach and she let him know it.
I forced a smile and went to walk past her when she stopped me with a hand on my arm. “He loves you.”
I froze at her words. She must have noticed my confusion.
“Zach.”
My mouth opened, but no words came out. Where was this coming from?
“I always kind of knew it, but I really liked him, and I thought if I could just get his attention off of you for a second, he would notice me.”
I forced my wide eyes back to normal and took a calming breath. “Did he say something?”
“He didn’t have to. You didn’t see his face when he punched Joe. I did. And when you chose Joe over him you might as well have reached your hands into his chest and pulled out his heart.”
I didn’t choose Joe over him. He punched him in the face. It was irrational and totally uncalled for. I was taking care of the injured. I wasn’t aware there were lines drawn by my actions.
“It’s easy to lie and hide behind words, but you can’t hide a gut reaction, and right then I knew I couldn’t compete with you. And I didn’t want to. I want a guy who will look at me the way Zach looks at you. It can’t be something forced or learned. It has to be as natural as a heartbeat.”
“I’m sorry,” I said again, because I didn’t mean for Zach to be hung up on me. I didn’t want to admit the nagging feeling of happiness that he hadn’t noticed her lingering in the back of my mind.
“Don’t be. I know my Zach is out there. I just have to find him. Besides, I refuse to be sloppy seconds. I’m better than that. And so are you, Liz,” she said, looking up at me.
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, completely confused by her statement.
“Let’s just say, Joe isn’t who you think he is.”
“Excuse me?”
I knew he wasn’t perfect. But who was?
“Look. Liz, I like you. I always have, regardless of Zach, and I don’t want to see you get hurt, but if you stay with Joe . . . you will.”
I looked at her, unaware of what she was trying to tell me. It wasn’t making sense. There were gaps in all of her statements, and I didn’t have the pieces to put the puzzle together.
“If you want more answers, go to Charlie. I’m sure she can tell you what I can’t.”
Then she walked away. Just like that. Just walked away. How do you drop a bomb like that and walk away? And what could Charlie possibly tell me about my boyfriend that I didn’t already know?
Charlie was part of the band though. She was at all the gigs. She would be the one witnessing the girls throwing themselves at Joe. Maybe he had groupies. Oh God. Was he cheating on me with a groupie?
My stomach clenched as if the wind had been knocked out of me. Hadn’t I gone through enough already? Did I really need to have this thrown at me too?
I shook the thoughts from my mind and went to class. Zach never showed. The professor talked, but I didn’t hear a word he said.
The rest of the morning I went through the motions like a puppet in a show.
All my classes bled together. My mind kept drifting to the clusterfuck that was my life.
By the time classes were over for the day, I couldn’t go home. I needed to find Charlie and figure out what the hell Tanya was talking about.
I headed for the tattoo parlor where she worked.
“Hey Charlie,” I said as I approached the desk. The place was empty. Guess four p.m. on a Monday wasn’t prime time to get a tattoo. Though, as I got closer to the counter, I heard the buzz of a work in progress.
“Oh. Hi. Hey, Liz. What’s going on?” She tugged at her ear, then fidgeted with her hands before putting them in the pocket of her hoodie. Her eyes looked everywhere but at me.
“That’s what I wanted to ask you,” I said.
“Oh, really? Ha.”
Why was she laughing?
“Is there something you want to tell me about Joe?” I asked, and braced myself. But no matter how much I prepared, I never expected the confession that came next.
“I’m so sorry, Liz. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Tears filled her eyes. She looked away.
“Excuse me?” I asked, trying to get her to focus.
