since his mother called him with the bad news.
It was his first day back. He could have stayed away from the office for a while longer, as he had savings left, what Natalie hadn’t squandered on designer shoes and handbags, that is.
But he was going back to work as too much time on his own was only depressing him further. Natalie would disappear for long periods of the day and night. Ben often found himself talking to himself, holding conversations with the man in the mirror and suffering from mild panic attacks. He felt empty inside, and it was eating away at his soul. He needed to fill the void.
He placed the photograph of his father back on the mantel and stared deep into the eyes that returned the favour in the mirror.
‘What am I doing with my life?’ he asked out loud. ‘What was I born to be?’
The reflection flashed an evil grin, his eyes twinkled. Ben wasn’t fazed, it had been happening more often lately.
6
Natalie was under the light, warm spray of the shower.
She finished shaving the pubic stubble from her armpits and pussy and placed the razor back on the shelf, then tilted back her head and let the water caress her neck, smiling as she steadied herself with one hand on the wall whilst the other softly stroked her clitoris. She thought of the money she had been making from fucking and sucking her clients. She thought of David, who she would see today, a client who loved to give as much as receive.
She hadn’t seen David since Ben stopped working, as meeting around his house wasn’t convenient. Anyway, the thought of getting caught at home merely added to her excitement. She could feel she was reaching climax, hips thrusting in time with her flicking fingers, eyes closed as she let the occasional groan slip from her lips.
KNOCK, KNOCK
‘Nat, are you nearly done?’ called Ben, ‘I need to shave now or I’m gonna be late for work.’
‘Shit,’ Natalie said to herself, ‘Fucking bastard.’
She had lost momentum due to the interruption, finding herself angry and frustrated instead of euphoric.
Receiving no reply, Ben went to the bedroom and finished dressing in shirt and tie. He examined his polished shoes, gave a nod of satisfaction then slipped them on his feet.
He tapped again at the bathroom door.
‘Nat?’ he said as the door swung open.
Ben’s mouth dropped open as he eyed Natalie stood in sexy black underwear and an open silk dressing- gown that she slowly wrapped closed around her body. Ben had only agreed to sex twice since his depression began. Not enough to keep a woman like Natalie satisfied.
‘The bathroom is free,’ she said.
Ben glanced at his watch.
‘It’s too late.’
Natalie tried to pass Ben but he gently held her by the arm.
‘Did you think over what we talked about last night?’ he asked.
She breathed a deep sigh.
‘It’s not the time for a baby’ she said, as Ben moved in to kiss her on the lips, but she turned her head and the kiss landed on her cheek. She gently pushed her way past him and into the bedroom.
Ben knew things had been bad between them, but he was surprised at just how bad things were getting. He was going through what seemed to be the hardest period of his life, and the person he had chosen to share his life with, more and more often gave him the cold shoulder, unless she wanted sex, which was always more mechanical than emotional. He was beginning to question their relationship, but knew that losing someone else so soon after his father would surely send him into a deeper, downward spiral.
The idea of becoming a ‘dad’ came to him during a conversation with his father, not long before the day he lost him.
Graham was describing the pleasure in having a child, someone to teach and enjoy time with. Another being, who would from certain angles, remind you of yourself or your loved one, but in fact, is a person unto themself.
‘The miracle of life unfolds before your very eyes,’ said his father.
Ben knew he and Natalie were good-looking, intelligent people. He pictured their child to be a mix of the best parts of their personalities; his work ethic, her looks, his physical strength, her emotional stability.
He looked again at his watch and hurriedly left the apartment.
7
Alexia sat on the bonnet of the black BMW, her arms and legs wrapped around Ricky, a young man who had recently been suspended from his local comprehensive school. He saw this as a week’s holiday.
Alexia was supposed to be on her way to the private school her parents were paying three thousand pounds per term for her to attend. Years of expensive education couldn’t stop the attractive schoolgirl from falling for the very crude charms of Ricky from the first moment they had met, at an under-eighteen’s disco two weeks earlier.
Ricky, who was big for his age of sixteen, just short of six foot tall with stocky build, looked even bigger in his puffer jacket and was known locally as a bully. He was seen as the main man at school, with a big mouth and a big attitude to match. In reality, he was a big fish in a small pond.
The testosterone that fuelled his growth and aggressive behavior was also driving him in the chase for Alexia’s virginity. She was two years younger than him, underage, but he didn’t care. He took a small bottle of vodka from his pocket, took a swig and offered it to Alexia.
‘Oh yeah, really, like, I’m going to drink alcohol before I go to school,’ she said. ‘I’d stink of it’
‘You can’t smell vodka,’ he said. ‘Besides, you should spend the day with me. We’ll go back down the bridge, like the other night. It’s dead quiet during the day.’
‘You’re not pressuring me, are you?’ she asked rhetorically as she grabbed the bottle and took a large gulp. Her face scrunched up at the taste and feel of the liquid as it tumbled down her throat. Ricky smiled, knowing that today would be the day.
‘Go on, have another swig.’
She complied.
Ben came out from the apartment block and saw the young couple along the road. From his angle, he couldn’t make out if it was his BMW they were leaning up against, he hoped it wasn’t, confrontation had never been his thing. As he drew closer, he shook his head as he realized the young girl was sat on his car bonnet.
‘Excuse me,’ he said, as he arrived at the car, pressing the button on the central-locking remote. The car beeped as the doors unlocked.
‘You’re excused,’ said Ricky.
Ben stood by the driver’s door as Ricky half-forced a French kiss from Alexia, who stopped and turned to Ben.
‘What? Don’t look at me,’ she said.
‘Yeah, fuck off, pervert,’ added Ricky.
‘Just get off the car, please,’ said Ben.
He opened the door, climbed in then slammed it shut, put the key in the ignition and started the engine, startling Alexia into jumping off the bonnet and into Ricky’s arms.
‘Let’s go,’ she said as she led Ricky away. ‘He’s must be a paedo or something, standing there watching
