“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her throat so cramped she could barely speak. “I was such a fool. And I messed everything up.”
A sad, tight smile twisted his lips, and he tightened his grip on her hand. “I’m the one who should apologize. You were right, what you said before. I should have talked to you more. And I did care too much about my job.”
He released her hand and shifted to face her. She hardly breathed as he traced the bruise along her cheek, his rough, warm fingers sparking on her skin.
“I plan to quit if you’ll take me back,” he said.
Her lungs ceased. The world around them slanted. “You’d do that for me?” she gasped. “You’d really quit your job?”
“Yeah.” He lowered his hand and switched his gaze to the road. A motorcycle passed, its reverberations fading as it headed toward the mountains.
When the noise died out, he sighed. “It took me a while, but I finally figured it out. When I first started smokejumping, I wanted to prove that I could do it, that I belonged here. That I could succeed in this world. But I don’t need that anymore.”
His gaze met hers. “Don’t get me wrong. I like the work, the bros, but the job’s not everything to me anymore. I can be happy doing something else.”
He tugged her hand into his. “I love you, Jordan. I missed you so damned much. And I don’t want to lose you again. You matter more than any job.”
A sob rose in her throat. Her heart swelled with an ache so huge that she could barely speak. “That’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me,” she whispered. It was what she’d always wanted, what she’d dreamed. “But I don’t want you to quit.”
“Jordan-”
“No, listen.” She shook his hand loose, and swiped at her brimming eyes with her sleeve. “I’ve thought about this a lot, about my childhood. How I spent years watching those ships disappear, looking out to sea.
“And I thought about our marriage. About how lonely I was and especially what I did wrong, like not making friends.
“And I asked myself whether, honestly, I could do it again, whether I could survive that lifestyle this time. And I realized I could.”
“Jordan-”
“No, wait.” She needed him to understand. “Remember how I told you about my job, about the elderly people I work with? How they aren’t afraid of dying? They don’t focus on the negative part, on the short time they have left. They celebrate what they do have, their moments together, and they live each day as a gift.
“And maybe I won’t like having you gone in the summer, but it won’t bother me like it did before.” She would have her work to fill her time, dogs to rescue, and maybe someday, another child.
She shrugged. “I don’t know why it seemed so hard before. Maybe we just didn’t talk enough. Maybe I was too young, and I didn’t really know who I was.
“But I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I used to be. I’m stronger.”
“Yeah.” He stroked the line of her jaw, scorching her with his heat. “But I still don’t mind changing jobs.”
“I know. And maybe someday you should. But I fell in love with a smokejumper.” She understood that now. It was part of his identity, who he was, a man who risked his life to fight fires. She held his gaze. “And I don’t want you to change who you are.”
His gaze sizzled into hers, sparking that hot, slow burn in her blood. “You’re sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“So you’ll marry me again?”
“Oh, yes.” He had her heart and soul forever. “And this time, I’m here to stay.”
Jill Shalvis
Alison Roberts
Gail Barrett
