Some Quiet Place

He always did have to have the last word.

Life. It’s a funny thing. Some want it, some throw it away. Some cling to it, some have it stolen from them. It’s terrifying … which is maybe why I was drawn to Fear in the first place. It can’t be coincidence that we met and loved in both lifetimes. Rebecca James, Elizabeth Caldwell. He’s my match, my equal. And now, finally, I’m willing to admit what I want. Life. With him.

The choice has been waiting ever since the illusion broke. When I was Elizabeth, Fear sought me out time and time again. We both know that it’s my turn. I can feel Landon in the back of my head, a kind presence in my shadow, urging me on. And the effects of Courage’s touch linger, strengthen, urge me to face my uncertainties. I can’t live in the past for the rest of my existence. Denial was right; my time to mourn is done. I’ll never forget my twin or what happened to him—that day will always be a dark shroud on my soul—but I can’t run from myself anymore.

I do everything I can to bring Fear to me. First I sit in a chair, close my eyes, and remember the entire experience with Nightmare. His teeth, that shack, his knives, my blood spilling to the ground. And my mouth goes dry, my pulse quickens, but still nothing. Next, I go to town and rent some horror movies. Spend two hours watching bloodshed and teenage parties turn into carnage on the ancient television. It works; my palms sweat and it’s difficult to keep my eyes open. But he doesn’t come.

I’m done with this.

The door slams against the wall when I storm outside. My skirt flaps around my knees as I march toward the ocean, toward the perilous cliff edge. I hold out my arms on either side of me like I’m about to take flight, like I’m one of Sarah’s birds. I position my feet so that only my heels are touching solid ground. The rest of me feels the open air. Taking a breath, I look down. The ocean, sensing me so close, pounds against the rocks with renewed vigor. I am Life. I am the ocean.

It doesn’t take him long.

“What the hell are you doing?” Fear hisses, wrapping his hand around my arm. I’ve never heard him so livid.

Terror explodes in my chest. I don’t turn, but I wrench myself free of his grip, ignoring how much I want it. “Are you going to let me talk this time?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Fear’s black coat whipping against his boot. He moves close again, and I know he’s thinking about yanking me back. “Why are you doing this, Rebecca?” he asks, his voice low, so serious. Rebecca. Not Elizabeth. For a second I’m tempted to lose my nerve, I’m convinced that he doesn’t really love me anymore, I ruined everything.

No. I steel myself. Even though I thought I was immune, I’ve been letting Fear’s essence control my every move. And it stops now.

“I’m in love with you,” I blurt, glaring at the sun. “I’m in love with you, not Joshua, and it’s you I want to be with. I mean, I want to try. Again.” I clear my throat, blushing. I can’t bring myself to look at him. The words pound around us, carried in swirls by the wind. In love with you … not Joshua … try again …

There’s a three-second silence as he processes this. Then he says, “Why don’t you step back from the ledge, and I’ll let you know what I think about that.”

What if you’re too late? What if you’ve lost him? a niggling voice in the back of my head worries. The ocean calls to me: Life. Life. Yes, I think. I am. And I need to live. So I shuffle back.

I raise my eyes to Fear’s, prepared for rejection, for phrases like too late and can’t work. He stares down at me for what feels like forever, those lovely blue eyes so piercing that they poke through my very soul like it’s nothing but paper. I swallow. “I—”

He hauls me against him and crushes my lips with his.

I respond instantly, even as his touch invokes goose bumps, raising the hair on my arms. His fingers travel down my spine as I tilt my head. A delicious shiver erupts from the touch. Not close enough, not close enough … I stand on my tiptoes, every part of me fusing to his hard body, and wrap my arms around his neck. A muted feeling of terror edges in, but nothing that would tear me away from him. Thirteen years. After an illusion that changed my face, changed my being, he found me. Thirteen years he’s loved me and waited for me.

Distantly, I sense Joy standing behind us, watching. Her hand rests on my shoulder. But she’s not alone. There are more, touching me or just watching.

“Take a picture, it lasts longer,” Fear growls. His lips move against mine as he speaks. Smiling, I open my mouth, deepening the kiss. We both forget our audience. The rest of the world fades away into beautiful hues of peach and black and white. It’s so hard to breathe; no, I can’t breathe at all when his tongue does that … but who needs air?

“I never did say it before, did I?” I whisper. He presses his forehead to mine, breathing in the smell of me. I smile faintly. “I love you.”

“You can say that as many times as you want,” he murmurs. Somehow his embrace tightens, and he doesn’t need words to express how much he missed me. We hold each other for so long that the other Emotions get bored and leave. Once we’re completely alone, Fear presses his lips to my ear. As he speaks, I can’t repress another delicious shiver. “You asked me once if I ever get tired of being who I am,” he reminds me. “And the answer is this: only when I have to leave you.”

I smile, clutching his coat. My mouth is tucked in the curve between his neck and his shoulder. I could stay like this forever. I imagine us here decades from now, a stone statue entwined in each other. This brings thoughts of the future, and I finally break the blissful peace by asking softly, “How is this going to work?” Things are so different now.

Fear pulls back a little, smoothing damp strands of hair away from my face. His thumbs brush the edges of my jaw. “Easy,” he answers. “I show up when you need me, and I show up especially when you don’t need me.” He grins, an impish light in his eyes. I kiss him again, loving the feel of his skin against mine. So we won’t be a normal couple. Since when have I ever been normal, anyway?

Purpose is building up inside of me again, and suddenly I’m filled with the urge to tie up all the loose ends I left behind. To return Life to where it was lacking. “There’s something I have to do,” I say, pulling myself out of the circle of Fear’s arms. “Back in Edson. I’ll let you know when I’m done. Okay?”

He kisses my nose. “Just don’t go looking for cliffs. I’ll know when you want me.”

I can’t help smiling some more. My face almost hurts. “I’ll always want you.”

With a tender light in his eyes, Fear vanishes.

I pack the bare essentials, get in Elizabeth’s truck, and go.

The hours fly by unnoticed. Late the next day, that sign I’ve been looking for comes into view: Welcome to Edson. The words are chipping, fading. Somehow, I’d expected it to be different, changed in the time I’ve been gone. But everything in this small town is comfortable, mindless of the rest of the world sprinting by. I pass Hal’s Hardware, the clinic, Fowler’s Grocery, and the school.

There’s a face uppermost in my mind, the person I know I need to see the most. But there’s someone else I have to visit before I seek Joshua out. Within minutes, I pull into Morgan Richardson’s driveway.

The front door is unlocked. I enter without hesitation, and pause a moment to study my surroundings. The place looks different in the daytime. I remember the ominous air the night of the party, Fear’s flight, Morgan’s single word: Run. Suppressing a shudder, I climb the steps.

The sound of some reality TV show drifts down the hall, and I follow it to Morgan’s room. She’s sitting there, stuck in front of the television again.

“Excuse me, what are you doing here?”

Morgan’s babysitter has noticed me, but she doesn’t move from her spot by the window. There’s a cell phone pressed to her ear—just like the first time I saw her—and she stares. Still not hanging up, even though there’s a complete stranger intruding in the house. There are faint sounds of a male voice on the other end.

I evaluate her quickly. Then, using my full speed, I’m in her face in a split second. She shrieks and drops the phone. She tries to dart to the side in an attempt to run around me, screaming all the while, but I easily corner her. Morgan watches all this silently.

“What are you?” the woman whimpers, holding her hands out in front of her face, like that alone is going to stop me.