talk as “I wouldn’t bury a dog in that casket” or “You’re not really going to put your mother in that sardine can?”
Several years ago a smarmy coworker prided himself on being a casket salesman extraordinaire. He could sell the most expensive units by using some of the oldest, most despicable tricks in the book. He’d drape his arm around a widow’s shoulders; stop in front of the costliest casket; and say, “Wouldn’t Ed look nice in this one?” or “You know, this is the last thing you can do for Ed” or, “Think of all the nice things Ed bought for you over the years; it’s time you paid him back, wouldn’t you agree?” or, “You can’t take it with you. Have you ever seen a U- Haul pulled by a hearse?”
I am still amazed that anyone could possibly garner high-dollar sales from such inane spiels, yet somehow for this guy they worked. He had, however, an affection for wine, and once was assigned to collect a large unpaid funeral bill that resulted from his having badgered a client with little ability to pay. After making several phone calls and getting no response, he returned to the funeral home late one evening to try reaching the customer at home. He had already consumed a few martinis, and it showed during his conversation. He informed the customer that if he did not make payment in full by the following day, he would go to the cemetery, dig up the casket and vault, and store them both in the funeral home’s garage until the bill was paid. The customer arranged a bank loan the very next morning.
Our supervisor was happy with the results but aghast at the collection method. (Luckily the customer didn’t initiate an emotional distress lawsuit.) My coworker based his treatment and level of service to a client family on the amount they spent. If they purchased an expensive casket, he would insist that we be extra nice. For a lesser casket, he would ignore them as much as possible. As I said, he was smarmy. I was definitely learning how not to behave.
Other funeral directors admit to having been terrible businesspeople over the years because of the trusting nature of their enterprise. When a family comes to us in a time of desperation, many of us find it difficult to bring up finances. I always hope that the family mentions money first. Even after three decades, I still find it uncomfortable to question a grieving family about how they will pay their bill.
Some groundwork can be established during the first phone call. My standard inquiry is normally sufficient to give me a clear picture. I ask whether grave space has been set aside for the deceased. If the answer is yes, that usually means a complete funeral with ground burial rather than cremation. A family already intent on cremation usually tells me so at that point. When we later meet the family at the residence, we ask them to bring the necessary paperwork to the arrangement conference, including life insurance policies. If the family has life insurance, that is normally a good sign.
Many insurance companies accept a funeral-home-provided assignment form, which allows the home to assign the proceeds to pay funeral expenses, assuming that the beneficiary of said policy is amenable to the idea. However, in many instances, I have discovered that policies have lapsed because of nonpayment of premiums or the death benefit has been greatly reduced because of loans taken out against it. Other policies have been in force for only a matter of months, and there is generally a two-year contestability clause, which means that the company won’t pay off on a policy less than two years old. I have seen some very sad faces before me when I have had to report that the policy the family was depending on is no good.
One Cincinnati-area funeral home was caught a few years ago accepting the total proceeds of insurance policies, even when that amount was substantially more than the stated funeral expenses. On the form the employees would enter “total proceeds” on the line where they would normally write the amount needed. The beneficiary was likely asked to sign a blank assignment form or simply did not read what he or she was signing.
We no longer assume that people have life insurance. Employers tend to eliminate it from benefit packages when cutbacks occur. Customers without life insurance are then forced to work out some sort of payment plan, which usually turns out to be a bad deal for us. Some families request making monthly payments of $100—which means that they can’t pay a $5,000 funeral bill for more than four years!
From experience, I can report that such payments are rarely even carried out to completion. An old funeral director friend of mine once said, “The tears dry up when the bill arrives.” That adage holds true today. If directors are not paid within thirty days, we will probably not see our money without a fight. We hear many different things: “We’re waiting for our income tax refund,” “As soon as we sell Dad’s house, we’ll pay your funeral bill,” “We need to sell Mom’s car first,” or “My aunt in Indiana is sending the money.”
A classic consumer ploy is when a family calls one funeral home to take care of their deceased father, and that bill is never paid. Later the mother dies, and the family calls another funeral home, with no intention of paying that bill either. Then, a few years later, Grandma passes on, and that same family calls upon a third funeral home…and so it goes.
We funeral directors have been forced to rethink our credit policies. In years past, if traditional collection procedures failed, we merely waited until someone else in the family died. Then we would attempt to collect on both funerals—or at least on the first one—or we would hope that any family still owing from a previous funeral would call a different home.
As late as the 1970s, few funeral homes asked bereaved families to sign expense contracts. They rightly assumed that the bill would be paid promptly. If not, there was no recourse except for a collection agency or attaching a lien on the responsible party’s residence, since we couldn’t exactly repossess the merchandise. That’s why without life insurance, funeral homes now ask for payment in full before they render any services.
Today there is little, if any, public assistance from cities or counties to pay for funeral costs. Most have an indigent program designed to provide a decent burial for someone with no immediate family. A grave space, burial vault, the opening and closing of the grave, and a grave marker are provided at no charge, and the cemetery bills the city. Funeral homes are instructed to place the body in a “reasonable” casket and deliver it to the cemetery for a brief graveside service. The city then pays the funeral home $500.
Many low-income families who have been in dire financial straits for years or even generations are quick to inquire about any available government assistance. Other poor families scrape together the money to bury their loved ones, without complaining that the city, county, or state should ease their burden. But there have been many occasions on which families have heard of the indigent program and assume that it is there for anyone who requests it.
I met with a young lady recently who sat down to discuss funeral arrangements for her recently deceased grandfather. As I compiled the necessary information, I discovered that all her grandfather’s children were deceased, he had no siblings, and the five surviving grandchildren were all he had left. The granddaughter further informed me that the man had no life insurance and was not a war veteran. She then inquired, “Before we go any further, can you call the city and make sure Grandpa is eligible for a city burial?”
I asked her how she knew about such a thing, since most people other than funeral directors do not even know the proper terminology. She explained that when her mother had died a few years earlier, the family had used the indigent burial program, and they had done so again when her sister died months later.
I called the city, and the man in charge asked me to repeat the family’s name, which I did. According to policy, he said, he would need to meet personally with the granddaughter to question her about her financial circumstances. The city was changing its attitude regarding city cases; too many families had been abusing the system. Large numbers of sons and daughters were expecting the city to bury their parents for free.
After her meeting, the granddaughter told me that she was shocked and embarrassed when she was asked how much she paid for rent and her monthly car payment. The city ultimately turned her down because she and her siblings all worked, most of them owned homes, and all of them were successfully meeting their car payments. It probably didn’t help her case that her family had taken advantage of the city’s generosity on two previous occasions.
Social Security pays a lump-sum death benefit of $255. In years past, anyone who paid into or drew Social Security received that amount. The payment was sent to the surviving spouse—or if there was no spouse, to the funeral home providing services. In 1974, the policy changed and the benefit is payable only if the deceased has a surviving spouse or minor children.
The Veterans Administration used to pay $450 for the funeral expenses of a deceased veteran who served during wartime. Today, the VA makes that payment only if the deceased was drawing a VA pension, was injured
