In the Age of Love and Chocolate

know that I have come to think of you as my daughter. And it is in this context that I find myself wanting to say how very proud I was of you today.” He stood up straight. “Go have some fun, will you? I am very much rooting for a happy ending when it comes to that loyal boy of mine and you.”

“How sentimental.”

“I am certainly more invested in the outcome of this little high school romance than I ever thought I would be. But I care about the characters, and forgive me for wanting everything to turn out for the plucky heroine.” He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.

* * *

We went to dinner at a new restaurant near Penn Station. “I didn’t expect to see you two at the hearing,” I said to Natty and Win.

“My father called me,” Win said. “He told me he was going to be representing you and that you could use support. I asked him what I could do to help you, and he said that I should get on a train to New York and round up as many people as I could find who might have kind words to say about the club and you.”

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t. Almost everyone I called was willing to come. Theo helped me. Dad thought the hearing would become a referendum on what people thought of you.”

“My character.”

“Yes, your character. That if the city believed you were good, they would believe the club was good.”

“And you dropped everything to do this?”

“I did. You probably think less of me.”

“Win, I am older now. I take help when it is given, and what’s more, I say thank you.” Hadn’t I learned that lesson six hours ago?

I leaned across the table, and since I was feeling in high spirits, I kissed him on the cheek. How long had it been since I had kissed that boy?

I should say, that man.

Just on the cheek, friendly-like, but still.

Natty began to chatter about a project involving the extraction of water from garbage. She’d been working on this for years. It was probably going to save all of us, but I wasn’t paying any attention.

Win smiled at me, a bit ruefully.

I smiled at him—Don’t read into this.

He cocked his head at me and I felt like I could read his mind—Are we going to do this?

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders a little—I still don’t know.

He put his hands on the table, palms up—Hurt me. Go ahead and try, my girl. I’ve got the thickest and the thinnest skin imaginable when it comes to you. I’m half rhinoceros, half baby bird.

I folded my hands in my lap—I’m old, Win. I’m a widow. I’m beaten up. I’m a little scared to try this again. The last time was disastrous. Don’t you like being friends? Don’t you like sitting here civilly, smiling at each other and having dinner? Are you so eager to sign up for another round of pain? Being with me has never made a single person happy. Not for very long at least. I think I’m good alone. And why do people need to be in couples anyway?

He shrugged his shoulders—I wish there was someone else for me. I honestly wish there was. But you get to hurt me, because you, I love. I love you. So I’ll be sitting here. Maybe forever. Looking like an idiot. And it’s okay. I’ve made peace with it. Love me or don’t. I love you either way. ’Cause I am the one boy who can’t get over the girl I met in high school. I’m that dumb, hopeful boy. I’ve tried, my girl. Have I tried. Don’t you think I’d rather be in my dorm right now reading Gray’s Anatomy? But I have to be here with you, the best, worst girl in the world. The only girl in the world as far as I’m concerned.

A second rueful smile from Win.

But maybe this exchange was only in my head.

No one was speaking and so I turned to Natty. “And you! You should be in school.”

“I had to tell them what a good sister you are.”

I turned to Win. “You called her?”

“Annie, I am allowed to call who I like.”

“Still—you should both be in school.”

“We’re going back tonight,” Win said.

* * *

I walked them over to the train station, which was a manageable distance for me. “Hey Win,” I said when Natty was buying gum. “Might I do a favor for you sometime?”

“Like what?”

“I mean, you’ve helped me a million times over. It seems one-sided. I’d like to do a good turn for you.”

“Listen, Annie, I’ve been lucky in my life. As unlucky as you’ve been, I’ve been lucky. Life works out for me.”

“Probably I’m the unluckiest thing that ever happened to you.”

“Probably so.” He took off his hat. He leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I’ll see you when I see you, okay?”

“Win,” I said, “there are other girls, you know. Ones with fewer issues than me.”

“As far as I’m concerned, you’re the only girl in the world, Annie, and I think you already know that.”

XXVII A FINAL EXPERIMENT IN ANCIENT TECHNOLOGY; I LEARN WHAT AN EMOTICON IS AND I DON’T LIKE IT

anyaschka66: Hey Win, people don’t end up with the boys they meet in high school.

win-win: Yes, I got home safely. Thanks for asking. The train wasn’t too crowded.

win-win: Some people do, Annie. Otherwise it wouldn’t be such an enduring cliche.

anyaschka66: I’m not a happy-ending person.

win-win: Sure you are.

win-win:

anyaschka66: What’s that?

win-win: Didn’t your nana teach you about emoticons?

anyaschka66: It’s creepy. I feel like it’s looking at me.

win-win:

anyaschka66: Ugh, what’s it doing now?

win-win: It’s winking.

anyaschka66: Gross. I wish it wouldn’t.

win-win:

anyaschka66: When someone looks at me the wrong way, I start reaching for my machete. I’m very damaged, Win.

win-win: I know, but you’re sturdy, too.

anyaschka66: Good night, Win. See you at Thanksgiving.

win-win: