So, why can’t I seem to find what I’m looking for? I thought by now I would’ve found someone to keep the emptiness at bay. Someone that I could share my life with, and maybe even travel the world with. Someone to share my hopes and dreams with, but there is only one man I really and truly want.
Sebastian Matvei.
Of course, I want the only man I cannot have. He’s completely off limits, since he’s my boss. Even before Viktor stepped away from the club, handing it over to Sebastian, he was still unavailable. Not to mention, he seems to avoid me, like the damn plague. After he showed me the VIP room, and we had a … moment, he’s hardly been around. I could blame it on how busy he is with keeping up with the club, but I know the truth.
He doesn’t want me the way I want him.
It was clear, when he looked at me dead in the eyes one night after closing, and then chose to turn away from me. I could chalk it up to the fact that he’s following his brother’s rules of no fraternizing with employees, but clearly, Viktor doesn’t care about that. His soon to be wife used to work here too, and that didn’t stop him from claiming her for his own. Or maybe, Sebastian just has his own set of rules that he wants to follow. Either way, I know deep down, if he wanted me, he would’ve taken me already. He doesn’t seem like the type to not go after something, or even someone he wants.
“Hey, Trix. How’s it going?”
Glancing up, Kendra, another dancer that I’ve become friends with, takes her seat at her vanity beside mine. She has been dancing at The Gentlemen’s Club, since it opened, and she took me under her wing, as soon as she realized that I was new to the club.
“Hey, Kendra.”
“Okay, what’s up with the sad face? Didn’t you just bring in a shit ton of money tonight?” She asks, laying a hand on my thigh.
Taking her hand, I hold onto it, grateful she’s offering comfort. “Yeah, I did, but that’s not why I’m in a funky mood.” Holding her gaze, I confess, “I think it’s time I left the club.”
Her eyes widen, and she sits up straighter in her chair. “So, you want to leave the club. Why, Trix? Seriously, what’s going on with you?”
Pushing out a breath, I run a hand through my messy curls. “Do you remember, when I first started dancing?” With her nod, I continue, “Well, back then, I was so excited to be here. Dancing out on that stage, I felt alive and … I just felt this thrill.”
“And now?” She asks, concern evident in her voice.
Sighing, I look down at our joined hands. “Now, I don’t feel anything anymore. I thought being here would fill the void inside of me, and it did for a while. But no matter how many times I’m out there, my heart doesn’t race anymore. I don’t feel the rush of adrenaline. This is nothing more than a job to me.”
“So, I’m assuming, when you danced, it felt like a sexual high?”
Frowning, I glance up. “Yeah. That’s exactly it.”
“And you don’t feel any of that anymore?”
Wondering where she’s going with this, I answer, “No.”
Her blue eyes seem to brighten with excitement, as she asks, “Do you want to feel all of that again, plus more?”
“What are you talking about?”
Kendra takes both of my hands, as she says, “Just trust me on this.” She leans back, using one hand to touch the collar around her throat. I always thought it was a part of her act, something she wore only at the club. Kendra and I might be friends, but she’s also a very private person. I only know bits and pieces of her life, and I don’t want to pry, but now, I wish I had. I wish I knew why she touches that collar with such reverence, as if it means so much to her. Not to mention, it’s beautiful. The black leather compliments her porcelain skin, and the sapphire jewel, on the middle of it, matches her eyes.
“Come out with me tomorrow night. I want to show you something that I think will help.”
“Okay, but,” I stay sternly. “Do not make me drink Vodka. I can’t stomach that shit after the last time we went out.”
Kendra laughs, thankfully agreeing with me. Watching her, as she gets up, she says, “I’ll swing by your place to pick you up around ten. Weston is going to flip, but he’ll get over it.” Weston is her husband, and they’ve been married for a long time now. “Oh, hey. Before I forget, do you know if Ava is going to invite anyone from the club to the wedding?”
Viktor and Ava met a couple of years ago, when Ava was eight months pregnant. With another man’s baby. Ava has told me the story before, but I still can’t wrap my mind around the history between her and Viktor. However, they make it work and are tying the knot next month.
“I’m sure she will. I mean, I’m the maid of honor, so that has to be a good sign.”
“Good. I really want to see them at their happiest moment. Plus, it’s
