But Weston continued to stare at her steadily. “And what do you think it was?”
“He had a lot of mental health issues,” she said. “He was sick, with cancer. He was depressed, on heavy medications, and had mood swings. It’s possible either way. He may have done it deliberately. He may have just lost his concentration, or maybe it was just a really bad accident, and no ill intention was behind it.”
“And it’s easier not to know?”
“Absolutely,” she said, “because then I don’t have to think about him wanting to leave us. And I don’t have to address my feelings about all the years I spent living with someone who was emotionally so difficult.”
“So instead,” he said with surprising and very piercing insight, “you have to live with the guilt that you could have done more and for feeling relief that it’s over.”
She stared at him in shock and burst into tears.
He gave a strangled exclamation and abandoned his side of the island—which was doing a good job of keeping a distance between them—and strode to her. He wrapped her up in his arms, pulling her against his chest. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That was uncalled for.”
She shook her head and tried to pull away but, at the same time, maintained her grip on his shirt, and so the shirt was coming with her. Finally she gave up the ghost and started to cry deep sobs that soaked his shirt almost immediately.
He held her close, wondering how long it had been since she had had a good cry and if she’d ever had anybody there for her to lean on. Davida sure didn’t seem like the warm and fuzzy type. And Daniela had to stay strong for Sari. Weston could already see how Daniela was a protective and nurturing mother figure for Sari.
So it couldn’t have been easy to lose her husband, particularly under those circumstances, meanwhile to be looking after Weston’s daughter. Not to mention suddenly hearing Sari had been given away without his permission. That was a lot for Daniela to take in all at once.
When she finally stopped crying, she pulled back, wiping her face on her sleeve like a child, the action making him smile. She looked up at him through watery eyes and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said, his voice equally quiet. “Sometimes we can bottle it in, but, at some point, it just has to blow.”
She sniffled, then turned and washed her hands under the tap. She reached for two cups and, with a slightly shaky hand, poured two cups of coffee.
When she handed him one, he could see she was slowly regaining some sense of control.
“I guess, but, God, this wasn’t what you bargained for.”
“Still, I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough year or so.”
“Yeah, it has been,” she said.
“Well, if you don’t mind my asking, why did you want Sari then?”
“Maybe because I was lonely,” she said. “Maybe because I was desperate for a child and knew I would never have one of my own. Charlie hadn’t fallen ill yet, but I already knew I couldn’t have children. Other than that, … I don’t really know, but I saw her and fell in love.”
At that, he smiled. “Thank you for that, because you could have given me all the logical answers in the world, but it’s the last one that really counts.”
She looked at him, and he could see her uncertainty. She’d obviously had a rougher time of it than he knew. She took a deep breath and gave him a real smile, as if somehow they had crossed that barrier that had been upsetting and ruffling feathers when she’d first picked him up. “Sari really is a sweetheart,” she said warmly.
“And how did she get along with Charlie?”
“She adored him,” Daniela said. “And then, all of a sudden, he wasn’t here anymore. And she changed. She became very quiet, introverted in a way she hadn’t been before.”
“She’s hardly old enough to show a lot of that, isn’t she?” he asked hesitantly because Daniela was right, he didn’t have much exposure to children of that age. To children of any age. He’d been an only child, and no other children were in his immediate world. Another reason why he was completely torn over Sari’s current circumstances.
“As a mother, I know,” she said. “And it wasn’t hard for the people who knew her to see the changes.”
“I’m sorry for her then. Grief and loss are hard things to be forced to learn about at that age.”
Just then they heard some wailing up above on the second floor. Daniela hopped to her feet and said, “That’s Sari.”
He got to his feet immediately, and he saw her hesitate.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to get her, calm her down from her nap. Sometimes she wakes up a little edgy. I think it would be best before I introduce the two of you.”
He nodded and slowly sat back down again.
As he waited, he looked around, wondering just what the hell he was even doing here. It was obvious she cared and really wanted his daughter, but his concern was, What did he want? He already felt like an asshole for not immediately jumping in and starting court proceedings to regain his daughter. Had Sari been adopted legally? That just added to his confusion.
He wanted to be in Sari’s life, but, if that were the case, why had he taken so long to get up here? And when he thought about Charlie and what Daniela had been through, this little girl had already lost somebody who cared about her. The worst thing Weston could do would be to step into her life, then step back out again almost as fast. She needed to know he was here for her all the time. This wasn’t a case of him being a daddy only when he felt like
