“Stay in here!” I roared to the boys as they screamed. “Don’t move!”
I was already halfway to the front door when I burst through, all but knocking it off its hinges. I saw the postal service truck driving off in a hurry, leaving skid marks on the ground. And there…
No…
There, on the ground…
No, it couldn’t be…
“Ma…Mar…no, no, no!”
I hurried over to the two bodies, praying, hoping, begging for any signs of life. If they were still breathing, I could stem the bleeding…I could get them to a hospital…I could, I could, I could…
I got to my little princess first.
She wasn’t…
She was gone.
“Mary?” I said, my voice quivering and my lips shaking.
I crawled over to her in a hurry. I rolled her over. She was…breath still came from her mouth. But it was shallow.
“Goddamnit!” I roared.
I didn’t have time to mourn. I sprinted back into the house. Bill, bless his soul, already had the phone off the wall mount.
“I called—”
“Good, stay inside, and don’t you dare go near the window.”
I did not want the boys to have the lasting image of their little sister to be bleeding out, dead on the front yard. I did not want the boys to be asking questions. I just…
I wanted to protect them better than I had protected the women of the family.
“Police, what’s your emergency?”
“My wife, my daughter…”
Saying the words still didn’t make it seem real. Nothing would make what had just happened seem real.
“They’ve been shot and killed.”
* * *
The ambulance showed up within ten minutes. I sent the boys upstairs, and I knew damn well that they were looking outside. I could hear Frank crying at the sight of his little sister on the ground. Bill was trying to calm him down; Nick hadn’t said a word. I guessed he was in shock. Frankly, I was too.
I took the boys to the hospital downtown and scrambled to find my beloved. A doctor met me outside my wife’s room.
“She’s in critical condition,” he said. “But she’s got a shot.”
“And my daughter? Maria?”
I knew the answer before the doctor even slowly shook his head.
I wanted to think that at least she was no longer in pain, but she also no longer had the opportunity to experience the joys of life.
And it was all because of this life I’d gotten myself wrapped up in.
“Forget it, I know,” I said. “Just go treat her.”
“Yes, sir,” the doctor said, smartly going back into the room.
I turned and looked at my three boys, looking to their father for guidance on how to act during this dark moment. I felt the same way, wanting to look to the heavens for leadership. Too bad none of us had any advice.
“Let’s go to the chapel, boys,” I said. “God needs to hear all our prayers.”
Frank sniffled. Nick kept his head bowed, seemingly refusing to show any kind of emotion at all. Bill put his arm around Frank, and the four of us headed to the chapel. I told them to sit at the front of the small room so I could see them, but really, I just needed some time alone.
I knew even before I closed my eyes or knelt that I needed to get out of this life.
This life, this work had given me many great things. It had given me the American dream, it had allowed me to provide for my children, and it had ensured I had a network of protection.
But at what cost? The wicked only went after those that had something it wanted to guard; those who lived their lives on the outskirts, away from the madness, they never had to suffer the wrath of evil. At the very least, they didn’t have to worry about their families getting gunned down in broad daylight.
God, I prayed. Save my wife. You have my little girl. Let Mary live. And in return, I promise to lead a fully honest life. I will cherish my wife from now until death finally parts us.
And I will get out of the “business” forever.
I opened my eyes and sat back in my pew. Like all the prayers I had ever offered, the answer wouldn’t come immediately. But up until today, life had generally provided me quick answers; I could only hope this would be the same.
I heard the door open. I turned around.
It was Nico, one of my closest connections in the business. He only was be present to let me know he needed me.
“Boys,” I said. “Say twenty Hail Mary’s and twenty Our Father’s. If I’m not back, repeat the process. We need to say all the prayers we can for your mother.”
“Yes, sir,” all three of them said.
As soon as I was sure they were doing so—and, thank heavens, they were generally good kids who did what we asked them to—I stepped out of the chapel and moved with Nico to the outside of the hospital.
“We heard what happened,” he said. “Alf, if you—”
“I’m done, Nico.”
Nico didn’t say a word at first. I took a second to collect my thoughts.
“I’m sorry, but if my wife makes it through this, I’m done,” I said. “I made a promise to God I’d get out if he spared her life. And while I am grateful for you and the family, I can’t go back on a vow to God. The consequences would be worse.”
Nico nodded, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. He offered me one, which I readily accepted.
“You know the deal, Alf,” he said. “The Boss is willing to let people walk. But there is always a price.”
“I don’t care about the price,” I said. “Nothing could be
