I don’t know if that’s true. Anders has sad eyes. I believe he’s very breakable. That’s why I give the big blond bear lots of hugs and tell him that he’s special. I don’t think he knows he’s a grand sequoia. Anders believes he’s a single weed in a world wanting to tear him out of the ground and throw him away.
I see so much beauty in the large man. Anders sits with me and talks while our skin warms in the sun. I shouldn’t sneak off, but the Village is tedious. We never have anything fun to do. The crops fail. We rarely build anymore. No one sings or dances. We just pray all day, and the prayers are filled with lies and greed.
That’s why I wander away from the Village. And one day, there is Anders. When I leave him, I don’t expect our paths to cross again. I never see the same people when I visit the stores in Elko.
But then, Anders returns. I find myself going to the same place, wondering if I will hear the growling of his big bike. Will he smile this time? He doesn’t always. Anders is sad in a way I don’t understand. He isn’t unhappy like I am over missing Papa. Anders suffers from the sort of melancholy that bleeds out of a person with a broken heart.
I don’t know who hurt this big man. I bet he got sad when he was little. Everyone’s vulnerable when they’re a kid, even if they’ll grow up to be as big as a tree.
Anders doesn’t tell me about his broken heart. He talks about movies and television shows. Food is important to him. He needs to feed his muscles a lot, so he can stay strong. I like how his blue eyes brighten when he speaks of a good meal.
But he won’t tell me about food after the Volkshalberd get in trouble with his big bike friends. John Marks wronged them, and now we don’t get to leave the Village. Lately, there’s almost no food. All the good stuff goes to John Marks with his fat butt and his mean sister with her fatter butt. They’ve convinced the young men and some of the older people to trust in their plan. Now, most of the Village starves, but John and Steph don’t.
Though Mama worries about Anders’s intentions, she knows he brings me snacks. That’s why she lets me go. Life was barren even before the Village got in trouble with the Executioners. Now we barely have enough to survive.
One time, I bring Dove and Future with me. Anders only has a single apple for us. I tell him it’s enough, but then Future cries after he eats the last slice. Seeming angry, Anders orders us to stay there, and then he disappears on his loud bike. My brother sits in my lap, weeping over how empty his stomach feels.
Soon, Anders returns with more fruit from a store. When I show Future how our big friend brought more, my little brother gives Anders a hug. I think love is what the giant man needs most.
After that time, Anders brings more food. Each time, he gives me things I can hide. Nuts and fruit are my favorites, but he also brings dried meat and tiny bags of cereal. I only eat a little during the visits. Then at night, in our family’s tabernacle, when the rest of the Volkshalberd prepare for sleep, I show our treasures to Mama, Perry, Dove, and Future.
My brother gets so excited that we have to cover his mouth so he won’t yell. Then Mama divides the food. She is always fair. Being the biggest, Perry wants more. Mama refuses to be browbeat, though.
“These are the treasures of my womb,” she angrily whispers when he tries to grab more food. “They must be fed. If you want more food, go make John of the Marks share with you. He’s got enough to be fat.”
Perry only lowers his head. He fears John Marks and all the angry young men with their shiny, new weapons.
I’m not really afraid of them. Yes, I saw Papa’s heart explode. I understand how guns are demons that destroy. But I’m not scared of little boys pretending to be men.
Many days, the brainless toadies—that’s what Mama calls them—are as hungry as us. Marks refuses to share. He tricks them into thinking they’re getting more, but they aren’t. I’m not scared of dumb people.
“Will the biker men ever let us leave?” I ask Anders one day when he visits.
“That’s up to your leader.”
“The torch bearer is a dumb man. You said your leader is smart. Why can’t your man make mine do what he wants?”
“Bronco’s trying. That’s why he locked everything down. Otherwise, he’d have to kill people in the Village.”
Sensing Anders doesn’t understand, I explain, “But people are hungry. Without food, they’ll die.”
“Then, they should rise up against your torch bearer.”
“But they have the demon guns.”
“They’re just tools like hammers and rakes. If you take them, you can use the weapons against Marks,” Anders says, and then his blue eyes get so big. “Well, not you. Or your family. Maybe your stepfather can do it. But I don’t want you getting hurt.”
Right then, I hug Anders. His soft heart hurts when I’m hungry or scared. I don’t like it when he suffers either.
That’s why when Rusten runs toward Anders with a demon gun, I have to stop the young Volkshalberd.
Moments earlier, the two young men appeared from the woods with murder in their eyes. Before they arrived, Anders stood away from me while I ate a snack. He told me about the television show he watched last night. We weren’t harming anything.
Then Myles shoots a demon gun at Anders. At that moment, I imagine a world without my grand sequoia. The choice for me is clear. The Volkshalberd do not own my heart, while
