It doesn’t matter. The point is, I’d texted Sadie, and ten minutes later she was at my house. Just because she could tell I needed some company. You know? Which was typical Sadie. And all evening I was just sitting there talking about myself, about my problems, while Sadie listened, and told me not to pay any attention, that I should follow my heart, that I was capable of accomplishing anything. Which obviously I didn’t believe, but the point is she was there for me, the way she’s always there, except … except …
Except now she’s not.
No, really, I –
Unless … I don’t suppose you have a cigarette, do you? I mean, I know that technically I’m too young and probably you’re the last person I should be asking, but I just thought –
No. No. I get it. It’s fine, really. But, um. Don’t tell my parents I asked, will you? They’d kill me. My dad would. And I don’t usually smoke, not all that often anyway, but at the moment, it just feels a bit like, screw it. You know? Talking about what happened … it’s not easy. Especially when I think about how it all began. Our search, I mean. Our adventure. That’s what Cora called it, if you can believe it. And the rest of them were hardly any better.
Because that’s the thing, you see. They made out like they were doing it for Sadie, but that wasn’t what was going on at all. They were lying. Every one of them. Cora, Fash, Mason, even Luke, probably – they were lying right from the start.
Cora
What did they say? The others. What did Abi say? I bet she made out she had nothing to do with it, didn’t she? I bet she’s trying to blame it all on one of us.
It’s fucking typical. Abi’s such a faker, it’s no wonder nobody likes her.
Was my friend. Not any more.
I bet I know exactly what she told you. I knew what she’d tell you the very second after it happened. I could see it in her eyes. And I’m not trying to make out I’m any less to blame than she is, that I don’t deserve what’s coming to me, too. All I’m saying is, Abigail Marshall, she’s not as innocent as you think.
Nothing, nothing. I don’t mean anything, OK?
Look, just … just tell me what more I’m supposed to tell you. I don’t know how it happened. It was all such a blur. All I know is it had nothing to do with me.
Fine. Whatever. But I don’t see how going over and over the same old stuff is going to help. You know how it ended. What does it matter how it began?
OK, OK.
The start, then.
It was Fash who said why didn’t we. Fareed, I mean. Fash is what everyone calls him. Other than his mum, obviously.
But Fash came to my house. Three days ago. So day four, I suppose you’d call it. We did. Not in a big-deal kind of way, with a great big display or something somewhere, but we all knew exactly how much time had passed since Sadie had gone missing. Although, by counting up, it was also like we were counting down to something. It was like … like watching a sand timer. Do you know what I mean?
In fact, that’s mainly what I’d been doing: lying on my bed, staring at the hands going round on this old watch. Not just any watch. It used to be Sadie’s. It’s stupid really. Just this stupid pink thing. I’m surprised it still even works. But she gave it to me, like, years ago, in return for one of my old dolls. Back when I played with shit like that, this was, so we can’t have been more than seven. And me and Sadie, back then, we were best friends. Like, proper best friends. The way only little kids can be, before all the bullshit like school and stuff gets in the way. You know, boys and stuff.
Anyway, the idea was I gave her my most precious thing, and she gave me hers in return, which turned out to be this watch. And the thing was, until she went missing, I could never bring myself to look at it. Because I’d cheated her, you see. I knew for a fact she treasured that watch more than anything, but I lied about which doll I loved most. And that’s what I couldn’t stop thinking about. As I lay there staring at the second hand, I couldn’t help wondering if that’s why Sadie had gone missing. Because of me. Because I’d broken some sacred bond.
It’s stupid, I know. Don’t think I don’t realise how it sounds. But that’s basically what I was thinking about, until Fash showed up at my door.
I could tell it was him from the fact he knocked. He’s always been polite like that. Too polite, mostly, which is what we keep telling him. But it’s basically us versus his mum, and I think we all know who’s going to win that battle.
But what I mean is, the others, they tend to just climb
