“Leaf me alone, Sponge Bob,” I said with an exaggerated yawn. “Need my beauty sleep.”
The huge tree chuckled. The vibration felt like a small tremor from an earthquake. It tickled all over and made me sigh with content.
“Sleep is not required for your beauty, little one. You are one of the most exquisite creatures on the Goddess’s green earth. However, your leaf of absence is coming to an end quite soon,” Sponge Bob said.
Like I said… punny.
And while I was all for a good tree pun or joke since I was a dryad, a month was a seriously long time to only be able to chat with gargantuan wooden oaks. Not that I was ungrateful. I wasn’t. I adored the trees. Plus, Sponge Bob and the boys had saved my life. Not only had they healed me, they’d rocked me back to sleep after every single nightmare. Repayment would be impossible, but I’d figure out something.
“So, it’s time for me to make like a tree and leaf.” A pit of despair formed in my stomach.
Sponge Bob’s warm spring-scented magic surrounded me and cuddled me like a baby. “Little Willow, you can’t hide forever. Your body is healed. It’s your spirit that needs help right now. There are many who mourn you. You leaf quite an impression on people.”
I was tempted to ask who mourned me, but I bit the words back. I had no clue if the warlock I pined for was alive or if Henrietta Smith had ended Zach like she’d tried to end me. And then there was also Zorro, my best friend who might have perished as well in the battle. Henrietta had collected rare magical creatures so she could drink their blood and harness their power. Zach had been the product of a powerful witch and warlock. It had made him particularly delectable to the evil crone. Zorro, a fainting goat Shifter, was basically a unicorn in the Shifter world. He was able to wield magic almost as well as any warlock, which made him a treasured find for the maniacal bitch. Zorro also fainted under pressure, which made him an easy target. Oh, Goddess, Zorro. I had a vague memory of him alive, and I held onto it for all I was worth. But Zach? I didn’t know what had happened to him and that figured prominently into my night terrors. Again, far easier to avoid physical existence and just live it up for the rest of my days in a tree.
“Soon,” I whispered.
Sponge Bob hugged me tighter. “As you wish, little one.”
“I have a pleasan-tree to share,” Grumpy announced.
“How pleasant?” Doc inquired suspiciously.
Not only had Sponge Bob sheltered me, his buddies had also aided in my healing. The five trees had taken me in without question and lovingly absorbed my barely alive body into their own massive wooden ones. Sponge Bob was the tree who had kept me cradled safely within. Sleepy, Doc, Sneezy and Grumpy had attached their branches to Sponge Bob to provide him with more magic. They were basically now one big-assed tree with five trunks.
For them to join together like this was unheard of and beautiful beyond imagination.
Grumpy cleared his throat and pondered aloud as he was wont to do. “I’m undeciduous about how pleasant my pleasan-tree is. It might be an oversimp-leaf-ication to say pleasant.”
“Does this pleasan-tree include potty words?” Sneezy asked. “Remember, we do have a guest.”
“Umm, guys,” I said with a laugh. “I’m cool with potty words. I use them. Often.”
“And you use them quite well,” Sponge Bob congratulated me. “However, I do have to concede that our witchy leader, Zelda of the Poopy Crap Mouth, has a way with the potty language that verges on poe-tree. She has a mouth like an illus-tree-ous sailor on a life-long bender. Very impressive.”
I grinned. It was an understatement. Zelda’s use of curse words was positively inspired. Zelda of the Poopy Crap Mouth was yet one more magnificent person to whom I owed my life. The trees were her minions, and she had brought me to them. She was also the twin sister of the warlock I loved and who I feared was dead.
So, I avoided thinking about him. It hurt a lot less than dealing with the truth.
“I’d like to hear your pleasan-tree, Grumpy,” I told my friend, buying more time.
“I’d be ex-tree-mely excited to share. What does a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?” Grumpy asked.
“I’m stumped,” Doc replied.
“Anyone?” Grumpy called out.
“Nope,” Sneezy said.
“No clue,” Sleepy said.
“Willow? Would you like to guess?” Grumpy asked cheerfully. He really was the complete antithesis of his name.
“Umm… no,” I said with a giggle. I was certain the answer would be fabulously knotty. While Grumpy wasn’t a grump at all, his pleasan-trees were slightly out-tree-geous for an oak.
“Their balls are just for decoration!” Grumpy shouted then burst into high-pitched squeaky laughter as the ground shook beneath us.
“Grumpy, that was quite shady and disgusting,” Sponge Bob admonished. “However, I can top it.”
“Tree-mendous,” Grumpy said, still chuckling. “Go for it.”
“What did the wind say to the palm tree?” Sponge Bob asked.
“Stumped again,” Doc said.
“Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job,” Sponge Bob choked out as his entire root system jiggled.
I laughed right along with him. Sponge Bob had been such a gracious host. He and the four others had fussed over me and made me feel welcome the entire time I’d been their guest. I couldn’t have asked for a better arboreal home. But even I knew my time with the boys was coming
