It’s too late.
It has always been too late, even from the very beginning.
I force myself further into the water, because I’m running out of time. If my nerves give out now, I won’t get this chance again. Padded restraints and the double locking doors of a psychiatric ward are all that await me. My supposed husband would rather leave me somewhere to rot than lose his meal ticket. I’ll never be out of someone else’s sight again.
This is my only opportunity.
“Don’t do this, Zaya. Please!”
Vin is already on the beach, but far enough away I can’t make out his face under the night sky. The only light out here is from a full moon hiding behind dark clouds. I don’t need to be close to know it’s him. No one else would stride down the sand of a public beach like he owns the entire world.
I turn away to face the endless black of a dark horizon. There may be distant lights from our small town behind me, but I can no longer see them. All I have to do is take a few final steps into oblivion, and it will all be over. I wade further into the water, licking cold creeping up my thighs and then my waist, forcing myself to take painful steps forward even as my heart pounds in my chest.
“Zaya,” he calls again, voice sounding more desperate than I’ve ever heard it.
He can’t see me in the dark, might even walk right past me and never know it, as long as I don’t say a word. But that doesn’t stop him from shouting his promises into the wind, begging me to give him another chance to prove himself.
Vin has never broken a promise to me, because I’ve never expected him to make any.
I don’t want to believe it’s possible for him to change. Belief requires hope. And hope forces you to pick yourself up so life can kick you right back down again.
I don’t have the strength left to hope.
Eventually, he’ll go away and I can finish this.
Except I underestimate both his vision and the flash of my off-white dress against the dark water. His feet slap on the shallow water as he starts toward me, but he still isn’t close enough to reach me in time. I just have to force myself to move fast enough.
He shouts my name, screams it, until his throat sounds like it is going hoarse.
Soon he’ll be on top of me, grabbing me, forcing me out of the water and back to the shore. If I’m going to choose, then it has to be right now. The time for indecision has long passed.
I have to make a choice.
Stay and fight, give him the chance to build me up so he can tear me down all over again.
Or let it all just float away with the tide, taking a lifetime of pain away with it.
I have to decide.
Vin
I pushed too hard and for way too long. There isn’t any excuse except that I’m the biggest asshole who has ever lived.
Not to say that I haven’t had my reasons. But it’s hard to make the past matter when you’re confronted with the reality of your future.
In the beginning, I convinced myself that keeping secrets would be the best thing for both of us. The less she knew, the easier it would be for me to control her. But I didn’t understand what I stood to lose.
And now I’ve lost everything.
Waves crash around me with destructive force. The wind is so howling that it steals my voice and carries it away to the sky. I pray I’m not too late, even though I don’t deserve to have any prayers answered at this point.
I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve anything.
But I’ve never been one to worry too much about what I deserve. I’ve always taken what I want when I want it, regardless of the consequences. There isn’t any reason to change my ways now, not when it means I have the chance to save her.
I’m going to save her.
From herself. From me. From the world, if I have to.
I’ll tie her to the bed and keep her there for the rest of her life, if that is what it takes to keep her alive.
I’m barefoot because I kicked off my shiny loafers to run faster. Bits of coral and stone dig into my skin. Sharp enough to cut, but the physical pain is a distant thing. If I have to run a hundred miles across hot asphalt covered in broken glass to save her, then that is precisely what I’m going to do.
I scream her name again, even though I know she wouldn’t hear it even if she was standing only a few feet away. The darkness and the angry sound of crashing waves are enough to hide any number of sins.
Hers and mine.
For the longest time, I wanted to break her. Tear her into bits so I could examine every piece until I figured out exactly what fascinated me so damn much. I succeeded, but she isn’t the only one who has been broken.
In the beginning, this had mostly been about the money. And maybe a little about how much I got off on forcing her to be what I want. Everything seemed to make so much more sense back then, even the worst of what I’ve done seemed justifiable.
But now, I’m just disgusted with myself.
King of Deception.
Vice Lord.
The guy who has never heard the word no.
My reputation is as big as the waves crashing onto the beach and as powerful as the undertow threatening to pull us out to sea. I tell myself I’m more than the things people say about me, but I’m not convinced that’s true.
Maybe it has never been.
I see a dark shadow in the meager light, and I fight through the water toward it, driven by instinct.
Everything about her is dark. Her hair. Her eyes. Her thoughts, at least
