THE SENSORIANS
Awakening
Brigitte Morse-Starkenburg
© Copyright 2020
Brigitte Morse-Starkenburg
The right of (Author) to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by (him / her) in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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No reproduction, copy or transmission of this publication may be made without written permission. No paragraph of this publication may be reproduced, copied or transmitted save with the written permission or in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright Act 1956 (as amended).
PROLOGUE
The girl covered herself with blankets and a high pitched scream came piercing out from underneath. Any attempts by Alice to comfort her child were met with violent lashes and kicks and even more screeching. Alice had no idea what triggered this particular melt down, but it was one of many and there was little she could do apart from wait until the girl had got past most of her distress. Even then, it was difficult to console her. It made Alice feel like the worst mother in the world. She just didn't understand the creature.
“Please help me out," she sighed in desperation to her partner as the girl was now scratching her own arm so hard it started to bleed.
He had tried his hardest to stay out of it. Not to undermine Alice. It had always been a sensitive issue between the two of them.
He approached the little girl slowly and sat beside her for a while before saying anything. His voice calm and soothing, but nothing different from what Alice had tried countless times before.
“Lizzy.”
Just hearing his voice made the girl pause for a second and a little eye peeked out from under the blanket. Rick spoke softly to her, repeating the words he'd used a thousand times before, over and over again.
“I'm here for you, my sweet. I love you." Eventually, the girl relaxed and stopped thrashing about. Rick tried to put his hand on her back to rub it a little, but she jerked back like a scared animal.
“Too much?" he asked gently.
The girl, little as she was, didn't have the vocabulary to answer him but her eyes looked relieved by his understanding. They didn't need words to connect. They had an immensely strong, intuitive bond and it was something Alice envied. She'd tried the same method, the same words, but it didn't have the same effect and that made her feel excruciatingly frustrated.
After Lizzy had calmed down sufficiently Rick took her to bed, about two hours after she was meant to have gone. Alice poured herself a glass of wine to help her unwind. Rick came down and nestled next to his beloved on the sofa. He kissed her furiously, his eyes dark and tempting.
“I love you more than anything. You know that, right?”
That's how plenty an evening unfolded. She was nothing like him, just a 'Dullard' as his friends liked to call her and tease him with, but he loved her deeply.
One evening, though, it ended very differently indeed. Rick went up to say goodnight to little Lizzy, but the moment he walked in to the room, she froze. She looked at him with accusing eyes and her lip started to tremble slightly. Rick realised he couldn't hide anything from his daughter. He gave her a tender hug, and looked deeply into her eyes. She pulled away slightly, distrusting.
“This isn't your fault. Remember that. I love you. Always.”
He kissed her softly on her forehead and then left. He didn't say anything to Alice, who was in the kitchen at that moment. He just put his letter on the coffee table, got his coat, and disappeared.
◆◆◆
The psychiatrist sat behind his desk, Alice opposite him whilst Eliza, now 5 years old, played with some Lego in the corner.
“Everyone just stop talking, pleeasy, pleeasyyy!" she piped up, getting slightly agitated and grabbing at her ear defenders that she wore full time.
Both adults ignored her, deep in conversation.
“We have come to the conclusion that, even though it is rare in such a young child, Eliza is presenting with a form of schizophrenia with paranoia. The fact that you have commented she can often feel, see or smell things that nobody around her can, is indicative to the condition....."
Alice zoned out and could only concentrate half on what the doctor was saying.
“... few characteristics of children on the ASD spectrum, so we will further investigate...”
Alice felt relief. It wasn't her fault her baby girl was the way she was. Then guilt.
“...with a real danger of self harm..."
How could she have wished for anything to be wrong with her daughter. So selfish.
“...starting her on medication, including some sedation...”
Suddenly she felt overwhelmingly protective over Lizzy.
“How do you feel about that, Ms Howlett?"
Alice was aware she was meant to answer but couldn't think of anything useful to say. It was as if this wasn't happening to them, but to someone else. She was a mere spectator.
“Sorry, could you please repeat that?" was all she managed to say.
How she longed for Rick to have been there to support them. He would have known exactly what to say.
CHAPTER 1
My eyes are open,
Seeing, but nothing makes sense
I can feel the motion, slow and fast at the same time
like a giant, striding with purpose
I can hear the rustling of the grass, or is it the sea?
Then this all encompassing sense of dread
fills me from deep inside
A lifeless shape being carried
or is it me?
I woke up drenched in sweat, with a mouth as dry as the Sahara desert. I hated these mornings, feeling drained as if I hadn't slept at all, slightly confused and a feeling of imminent danger lingering. I could never quite put my finger on what I actually dreamt but I knew it was always the same. Very frustrating. I always
