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The Language Of Letting Go
Melody Beattie
Rebuilding Lives, Restoring Families,
Building Communities
INFORMATION & EDUCATIONAL SERVICES
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First published June 1990.
Copyright © 1990, Hazelden Foundation.
All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.
ISBN: 0894866370
Library of Congress Catalog Card Number: 8982527
Printed in the United States of America.
Editor's note:
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and the Twelve Steps of AlAnon are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
Permission to reprint the Twelve Steps of AA and AlAnon does not mean that AA has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, nor that AA agrees with the views expressed herein. AA is a program of recovery from alcoholism. Use of the Twelve Steps in connection with programs which are patterned after AA but which address other problems does not imply otherwise.
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DEDICATION
For her help in writing this book, I acknowledge and thank
Rebecca Post, my editor at Hazelden.
This book is dedicated to
God
The readers of Codependent No More
and Beyond Codependency
And my friend, Louie
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Introduction
This is a book of meditations. It is designed to help you spend a few moments each day remembering what you know.
I have touched on principles from Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency. I've also included some new thoughts and ideas.
It is a book to help you feel good and assist you in the process of selfcare and recovery.
Thanks for the support, encouragement, and success you've given me. I hope I have given you a gift in return too.
MELODY
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January
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January 1
The New Year
Make New Year's goals. Dig within, and discover what you would like to have happen in your life this year. This helps you do your part. It is an affirmation that you're interested in fully living life in the year to come.
Goals give us direction. They put a powerful force into play on a universal, conscious, and subconscious level.
Goals give our life direction.
What would you like to have happen in your life this year? What would you like to do, to accomplish? What good would you like to attract into your life? What particular areas of growth would you like to have happen to you? What blocks, or character defects, would you like to have removed?
What would you like to attain? Little things and big things? Where would you like to go? What would you like to have happen in friendship and love? What would you like to have happen in your family life?
Remember, we aren't controlling others with our goals we are trying to give direction to our life.
What problems would you like to see solved? What decisions would you like to make? What would you like to happen in your career?
What would you like to see happen inside and around you?
Write it down. Take a piece of paper, a few hours of your time, and write it all down—as an affirmation of you, your life, and your ability to choose. Then let it go.
Certainly, things happen that are out of our control. Sometimes, these events are pleasant surprises; sometimes, they are of another nature. But they are all part of the chapter that will be this year in our life and will lead us forward in the story.
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The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.
Today, I will remember that there is a powerful force motivated by writing down goals. I will do that now, for the year to come, and regularly as needed. Iwill do it not to control but to do my part in living my life.
January 2
Healthy Limits
Boundaries are vital to recovery. Having and setting healthy limits is connected to all phases of recovery: growing in selfesteem, dealing with feelings, and learning to really love and value ourselves.
Boundaries emerge from deep within. They are connected to letting go of guilt and shame, and to changing our beliefs about what we deserve. As our thinking about this becomes clearer, so will our boundaries.
Boundaries are also connected to a Higher Timing than our own. We'll set a limit when we're ready, and not a moment before. So will others.
There's something magical about reaching that point of becoming ready to set a limit. We know we mean what we say; others take us seriously too. Things change, not because we're controlling others, but because we've changed.
Today, I will trust that I will learn, grow, and set the limits I need in my life at my own pace. This timing need only be right for me.
January 3
Nurturing SelfCare
. . . there isn't a guidebook for setting boundaries. Each of us has our own guide inside ourselves. If we continue to work at recovery our boundaries will develop. They will gethealthy
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and sensitive. Our selves will tell us what we need to know, and we'll love ourselves enough to listen.
— Beyond Codependency
What do we need to do to take care of ourselves?
Listen to that voice inside. What makes you angry? What have you had enough of? What don't you trust? What doesn't feel right? What can't you stand? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you want? Need? What don't you want and need? What do you like? What would feel good?
In recovery, we learn that selfcare leads us on the path to God's will and plan for our life. Selfcare never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.
Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, everpresent. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.
Today, I will affirm that I am a gift to myself and the Universe. I will remember that nurturing selfcare delivers that gift in its highest form.
January 4
Separating from Family Issues
We can draw a healthy line, a healthy boundary, between ourselves and our nuclear
