“It means, I get to ask you anything. No holding back. No thinking twice about propriety. I ask, you answer. Honestly. To the best of your ability. All the questions I’ve wanted to ask but haven’t dared.”
“You’ve never dated?”
“Oh, I’ve dated. Many times. I’ve had relationships. All of which have failed. Mostly, I fear, due to my fumbling. My lack of understanding. Seriously, I don’t get it. Screw physics and the Big Bang theory, the great imponderable isn’t God, it’s women. Who are you people? The books are useless. Believe me, I’ve read them. Everything from
“Every time I think I’ve figured you out, I’m totally thrown for a loop. Take Tamara. Great gal, an incredible dancer. I was crazy about her, and she swore she loved me. We lived together for two blissful years. So what happened? Right after I proposed, and we’re talking days here, she moved in with a drug addict who beat her for a hobby. And she’s just the tip of the iceberg. I ask other men, and they either throw up their hands or give me advice that lands me in the doghouse. It’s nuts, and it’s crazy, and dammit, what I want is to once and for all get it.”
Jessica heard what he said. She was a little taken aback by his earnestness and enthusiasm, and completely certain this wasn’t going to work at all.
“Oh, no,” he said. “Don’t make up your mind yet. Please.”
“I just don’t think-”
“Look, I know it sounds crazy, but really, it’s not. It’s like a research project. An in-depth study. Think of me as an anthropologist. It won’t be scary, I promise. And I won’t use the information to hurt you or anyone else. But come on. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’d never get this kind of access. In real life, I’d be too afraid to ruin a relationship. Or if I paid for it, I’d never really be sure I was getting the real juice, you know? But this way, when we both can win, and there’s no feelings to hurt or wound, then, well…
“Not to be immodest, but I think I can convince your boss or anyone else that I’m your man. I won’t embarrass you. I know my way around the press, and I won’t cost you a penny. All you have to do is answer me honestly. If you don’t know the answers, great. No sweat. But if you do know, then I want them. No political correctness. No shading or hedging. Just what’s what.”
“What’s what, huh? Well, I know one thing.”
“Go on.”
“I need a much stronger drink.”
Dan held his grin steady, and made sure not to look too satisfied. She was gonna go for it. A minute ago he’d thought all was lost, but now? She was intrigued. From what Glen had told him about her, he’d hoped she’d be curious. “What kind of stronger drink?”
“A whiskey sour, please. Make it a double.”
“Good choice.” He signaled the bartender again, and while he waited his turn he took his time looking her over. He’d been so busy studying her body language that he hadn’t properly appreciated her body.
She was little, but not girlish. In fact, if he’d had to describe her, the word that would fit the bill was
Not that he was going to actively pursue more than his stated objective.
“What’ll it be?”
He started at the bartender’s voice, ordered her drink, and himself a single-malt scotch, neat. When he turned back to Jessica, she pushed her hair back behind her left ear. Her hand, neat, tiny, feminine, captured his gaze and held it. He watched as she put her fingers around her wineglass. Rubbed the rim lightly.
Okay, so maybe he would pursue something more. Hadn’t Glen said she’d been solo for quite some time? Hadn’t he himself been entirely too celibate for longer than was healthy?
“Dan?”
“Yes?”
“What are you going to do with this information, assuming you get it?”
“Use it.”
“For a book? A degree?”
He shook his head. “I hadn’t thought of that, but I wouldn’t rule out the idea. Actually, I’m doing this for my own personal edification.”
“Meaning you’re looking for a wife?”
“Wife, lover, significant other. Yeah.”
“I’d think women would be banging down your door.”
“Not the problem. Quality is the issue. I’m looking for what my parents had. Which, in my naivete as a young man, I figured all parents had.”
“A good relationship?”
“Much more than that. My folks were, and you’ll pardon the cliche, two halves of the same whole. They were married thirty-nine years, and were more crazy about each other when my father died than the day they met. That’s what I want. A partner. A best friend. All of it.”
“Tall order.”
“Don’t I know it. Hence, the quest.”
She gave him a half smile. “I’ve never been part of anybody’s quest before.”
The drinks arrived right then, and Dan handed the whiskey to Jessica. “So you’ll do it?”
She took the glass, sipped, closed her eyes, opened them again. “I’ll do it.”
He toasted her, the clink ringing clearly against all the muddled noise around them. “Fantastic.” He brought his own drink to his lips, then hesitated. “So when do we begin?”
“Monday.”
“The Willows?”
She nodded.
“Great. I’ll check in that afternoon.”
Jessica’s eyes widened. “Whoa, cowboy. Check in?”
He downed his scotch, ready for this. “Well, sure.”
“No, no, no. You’re not staying there. Just appearing when needed.”
He gave Jessica his most innocent, sincere smile. “That would be a royal pain in the ass for both of us. Much simpler to be there. But don’t worry. You have nothing to fear. I know the suites there and I’ll sleep on the couch.”
She gave him an “I don’t know” look.
“Check with Glen. He’ll tell you I’m harmless. Besides, I don’t want anything getting in the way of the research. And sleeping together would really screw things up.”
Her eyes softened. The internal debate went on a few more seconds, then she sighed. “It would keep Owen off my back.”
He nodded. “This is gonna be great.”
“That is highly unlikely. I’ll be happy if it’s survivable.”
“Come on. You’ll knock ’em dead.”
Jessica shook her head, causing her hair to shimmer in the lights. He hadn’t lied when he’d said sleeping with her would screw things up. But maybe he could ask all his questions real fast.
Five things you’ll NEVER hear one guy say to another guy:
1. Does my butt look fat in this?
2. I’m tired of beer.
3. Yours is bigger than mine.
4. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commercials.
5. Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all, that’s the important thing.
Source: Thompson, Dave “Things You’ll Never Hear”
