That's right, Ferus. You stepped over the line. But maybe Anakin owed him one, after their mission on Andara.
'All right,' Anakin said. He noted that Ferus hadn't said he was wrong. Just that he shouldn't have said it.
'Good-bye,' Ferus said. 'May the Force be with you.'
Anakin merely nodded a cool farewell.
'Ferus is the perfect Padawan, remember?' Tru said as Ferus boarded the ship, trying to make Anakin feel better. 'He feels like he has to correct all of us.'
'Thank you for defending me,' Anakin said. 'I will miss you, friend.'
'Take care, Anakin,' Tru said. 'Take care.'
Tru walked away. Anakin felt a tiny sting at Tru's words. He hadn't meant them as an affectionate farewell. He'd meant them as a warning.
Obi-Wan waited as Garen and Siri walked up the ramp. It slid shut.
Obi-Wan backed up a few steps to watch the two ships take off. Then he walked slowly to Anakin's side. They watched until the two ships were just red slivers in the sky, bits of light. Then they shot to maximum speed and disappeared.
'You said torment,' Obi-Wan remarked, still looking at the sky.
'Excuse me?' Anakin pretended confusion, but he knew exactly what Obi- Wan was referring to.
'You said, The things that normally torment you don't bother you at all.' Not the things that trouble you, but torment you.' Obi-Wan turned to face him. 'It was a strong word. What torments you, Anakin?'
He looked at the ground. 'Perhaps I spoke more strongly than I meant to!'
'That is not an answer.'
'Sometimes I don't want to be the Chosen One,' Anakin said. The words broke free. They felt like stones in his mouth.
'That's not surprising,' Obi-Wan said. 'Many gifts can be burdens.'
'The Force is so strong. I can feel it so much. I feel so much. I don't want to feel so much!' Anakin hardly recognized his voice, choked and aching. Obi-Wan looked startled at his vehemence. 'Why am I chosen? Why is it me? Can't I refuse it? Can't you let me refuse it? Can't you take it away?'
'Anakin — '
'Take it from me. Please, Master.' Anakin wanted to fall to his knees.
A deep tide of feeling, of dread, had risen up within him and choked him.
He felt tears in the back of his throat. Even his friend Tru was afraid for him. Just as Ferus was. Just as his own Master was, the person who knew him the best.
What do they see that I cannot?
The sudden panic shocked him. It had sprung up so abruptly. He hadn't meant to say what he had said. He hadn't even known he had been feeling it.
Now it felt like the truest thing he had ever said. The dread was always there. He lived with it, but he didn't understand it. He just wanted it to go away.
The depth of Obi-Wan's shock and compassion showed in his eyes, in the way he gently placed his hands on Anakin's shoulders. 'My Padawan. I would do anything for you. I would bear your burdens for you if I could. But I cannot.'
Anakin bowed his head. The panic and fear whirled inside him, and he was ashamed.
Obi-Wan bent closer to speak softly. He did not release his grip on Anakin's shoulders. 'But I will help you. I will always help you. I will not leave you.'
The words reverberated like a bell. Obi-Wan's touch brought Anakin back to himself. He raised his head.
'Things between us have not run smoothly lately,' Obi-Wan said. 'But you must never doubt my commitment to you.'
'And mine to you,' Anakin said.
The breeze rose and stirred their robes. It smelled fresh and clean.
It was morning, and they had things to accomplish, a journey to make.
They turned, and together, they walked to the ship. Anakin looked ahead to the next mission, and the fear returned. Obi-Wan was bringing him straight to the creator of the process that had caused him so much doubt and panic. His fear suddenly freshened and sharpened. Now it was a certainty that this next mission would bring him too close to a truth he didn't want to face.
