Agents of Light and Darkness

'Oh yes?' I said politely. 'And what might that be?'

'The heads of John Taylor and Suzie Shooter,' said Mr. Bones, smiling unpleasantly. 'Separated from your annoying and intrusive bodies, of course. And thus we avenge ourselves on your many slights, while winning respect from all. A plan with no drawbacks.'

'Hold everything,' said Mr. Blood urgently. 'Can I have a word with you? Have you lost your mind? This is John Taylor and Shotgun Suzie we're talking about!'

'So?'

'So I like having my internal organs where they are, and not splattered all over the surroundings! It's rather difficult to enjoy the subtler pleasures when your passionate parts have been ripped off and stuffed where the sun don't shine! These are dangerous people!'

'We outnumber them!'

'So?'

'Sweet Lucifer, you're a wimp!' said Mr. Bones. 'Don't know how you got to be a demon in the first place. Kill the mortals! Rend their bodies and eat their flesh, but make sure the heads are intact!'

'Oh shut the hell up,' said Suzie Shooter.

She lifted her shotgun and shot Mr. Bones point-blank. The blessed and sanctified bullets tore his crimson face right off, revealing a dirty yellow skull. He fell backwards, screaming piteously. Mr. Blood got up off his desk in a hurry and glared at his partner, writhing in agony on the floor.

'See!'

'He'll repair himself in a minute or two,' I said quietly to Suzie, as she pumped fresh ammunition into place. The Demonz were circling us slowly now, nerving themselves up to attack. 'No earthly weapon can defeat a demon.'

'In which case,' said Suzie, tracking the nearest Demonz with her gun, 'this would be a really good time for the cavalry to make an appearance. Or failing that, for you to produce one of your last-minute miracle saves.'

I considered the matter thoughtfully. The Demonz were closing in. Mr. Bones sat up, holding his tattered face together with his hands, as the crimson features slowly knit themselves back together. Even Mr. Blood came out from behind his desk.

'Taylor!' said Suzie. 'Anytime now would be good!'

I held up a hand and smiled. Everyone stopped moving.

'In the Beginning,' I said, 'God said Let there be light, and there was. If a man could summon up that light, from the very first moments of creation, and look into it without burning out his eyes or his reason, then that man would have at his command a light that could burn away all the darkness in the world.'

For a long moment, nobody said anything. Mr. Bones stood up, glaring out of his ravaged face.

'You don't have that kind of power!'

'Don't I?' I said.

The Demonz looked at each other, remembering things I'd done and other things I was supposed to have done. I smiled at them easily.

'Just. . . get out of here,' said Mr. Bones. 'Get out, and leave us alone. We don't have your bloody Grail.'

'Then point me at someone who might.'

'Try the Fourth Reich,' Mr. Blood said quietly. 'They've been throwing around some serious money for information on the dark chalice. If nothing else, they'll have better information than we do.'

'See how easy it can be, when everyone acts reasonable?' I said. 'There's a lesson for us all in that, I feel. Time we were leaving. Don't bother to show us out.'

We left The Pit behind us and strolled off into the night. If anything, the streets were even emptier. I knew where the Fourth Reich had their quarters. Everyone did. They publicized it hard enough, with everything from leaflets handed out in the street to prime-time advertising. The New Nazi Crusade, or the panzerpoofters, as everyone else called them, weren't short of money. Just followers. They met regularly in an old assembly room right on the edge of uptown. Monied or not, no-one wanted them any closer than that. Last I heard, they were down to a hundred members or so, and they'd given up holding uniformed parades after a dozen golems turned up at the last one to kick their nasty asss up one side of the street and down the other. But they did still have serious financial backers. They might not have the Unholy Grail themselves, but they might well have been able to buy information on who did.

Suzie looked at me suddenly. 'Could you really have summoned up the light of Creation?'

I smiled. 'What do you think?'

'I never know when you're bluffing.'

'Neither does anyone else. That's the point.'

'I notice you're not answering the question.'

'Ah, Suzie, don't you want a little mystery in your life?'

She sniffed. 'The only mystery in my life is why I continue to put up with you.'

And that was when a figure stepped imperiously out of the shadows ahead, blocking our way. A city gent in a smart suit, complete with bowler hat and rolled umbrella, stood smiling before us. Late forties, cold eyes and colder smile, charming and sophisticated and every bit as dangerous as a coiled cobra. Suzie drew her shotgun and aimed it at him in one smooth motion.

'Relax, Suzie,' said Walker. 'It's only me.'

'I know it's you,' said Suzie.

She kept her shotgun trained on him as he approached unhurriedly. Walker, to do him credit, didn't seem in the least perturbed. It was part of his style that nothing ever touched him, despite the many fateful decisions he had to make every day. Walker represented the Authorities, the people in the background who really run things in the Nightside. Inasmuch as anybody does. Don't ask me who these shadowy people might be. I've no idea. No-one has. Sometimes I wonder if even Walker knows for sure. Still, he spoke on their behalf, and his word was law, with any amount of force available to back him up. People lived and died at Walker's word, and he'd never been known to give a damn. He came to a halt before us, leaned casually upon his umbrella and raised his bowler politely to Suzie.

'I hear you're looking for the Unholy Grail,' he said. 'Along with practically everyone else in the Nightside who considers himself or herself a power or a player. I, on the other hand, have been instructed by my superiors to withdraw all my people from the Nightside. The word is that I am to let the angels from Above and Below fight it out among themselves. And if anyone here gets hurt, well, if they're in the Nightside, they deserve everything that comes to them. I have the feeling the Authorities see the coming of the angels as an opportunity for a little spring cleaning. Take out the trash, so to speak. The Authorities don't care about individuals, you see. They only care about the long view, and the big picture.'

'And preserving the status quo,' I said.

'Exactly. Their feeling seems to be that the sooner one side or the other acquires the appalling object, the sooner they'll all leave and things around here can get back to what passes for normal. They don't like upsets like this; it's bad for business. It doesn't really matter which side ends up with the Unholy Grail; the Authorities will work out some way to turn a profit. They always do.'

'This is insane,' I said, keeping my voice level as my temper rose. 'Don't they realize how powerful the Unholy Grail is?'

'Possibly not. Perhaps they are being overconfident. But I have my orders. Officially, none of my people can get involved. But of course, you're not one of my people, Taylor. Officially. So such restrictions don't apply to you, do they?'

I nodded slowly. 'So, once again I'm doing your dirty work, am I? Cleaning up the messes you're not allowed to touch.'

'It is what you do best,' said Walker. 'I have every confidence in you. Of course, if you screw up, you're nothing to do with me.' He looked at Suzie's shotgun, still trained rock steady on him, and raised an elegant eyebrow. 'My dear Suzie, as bloodthirsty as ever. You don't really think guns are going to help you against angels, do you?'

'There's always the Speaking Gun,' I said, and Walker looked at me sharply.